im a 16 year-old poet whos influences are kerouac and ginsberg, ireally love the beat poets of the 50s and 60s. tell me what you think of my poetry ive been writing for a year so its not the greatest. these are two of my most recent if you dont like them tell how i can improve them i wrote this first one last year when i ran away form my mom and hitchiked from reno to san louis california to live whith my grandparents: I retire to my new death home A vacant lot beneath the broken trees Where I can watch the evening drowned And the mountains bow beneath the clouds Ancient fires put to rest Metallic helmets in war nest Soul of the forgotten hero Stirring gently through the breeze The sun is strong Its time to go To the next stop On this forgotten road i wrote this next one about a girl i meet at a park on my journey to CA: Blue evening don’t leave me now For you are my muse “Its time,” she cries The clouds fall now Tears of the gods Gather in memory of the lost dream Blue evening don’t leave In this quite moment It’s far to late to call on the wind My muse don’t leave come back again
I like both of them, but it's clear you're heavily influenced! (not a bad thing). I like "I RETIRE TO MY NEW DEATH HOME A VACENT LOT BENEATH THE BROKEN TREES WHERE I CAN WATCH THE EVENING DROWNED AND THE MOUNTAINS BOW BENEATH THE CLOUDS" I don't really like: "THE ANCIENT FIRES PUT TO REST MATLIC HELMETS IN WAR NESTS" (check spelling there) The rest fits well with your cited influences, but as such, is not unique, so didn't strike me particularly.
yeah its not real unique i am very influenced by kerouac, but I havn't been writing long so im still developing my own style, i just started a dylan thomas book maybe his style will rub off on me and bring a new flavor to my poetry
