Aproximately one year ago I took on a job as a live-in nanny, looking after 2 small children, ages 2 and 4. These boys became my life. At first it was very chalenging. They were not used to me, they didnt know if I was worthy of their love and affection, but after a short amount of time, they began to show more and more affection and love for me. After 3 months of working with this family, the father of the children began using inappropriate language with me (sexual), even in front of the children. I felt uncomfortable, so I asked him to stop. He did stop, but only in front of the children. His sexual language got worse with me. I felt insulted, disrespected, violated, so I started looking for a new job. I adored the mother of these children. She was a wonderful mother and very caring. We had a good relationship. I knew that she loved her husband very much, so I decided not to tell her about his actions, or words really, with me. I didnt want to tell her that I was looking for another job, because it would require an excuse to why I didnt want to stay there... and I couldnt find one good enough to tell. So, I didnt tell her at all. But the days passed and it got harder. Her husband continued to disrespect me and the day came that I had to leave. The day that I found him naked, where he should not have been. I gathered all my things, left that night... not telling anyone i was leaving. After leaving, the mother tried contacting me, but I refused to speak with her, I just couldnt. Finally, I sent her an email saying that I had left bcuz I was pregnant and I couldnt face telling her. It was a lie, yes, but it was better to tell this to her. She would not have believed me if I'd told her about her husband (based on conversations we'd had before). I told her I was ashamed and could not bare the pressure, so I left. Ever since, it has haunted me. Knowing, that the boys had given me their love and affection and just leaving them w/o saying goodbye. Lately, it has been worse for some reason. I close my eyes at night and I see them. I see them in pain. I have this dream over and over. I am standing in front of their house, they are outside playing, they see me. the oldest walks to me, not allowing the younger to follow. he takes my hand and begins to cry. he asks me why i hurt them and what did they do wrong. i try to tell them i love them and they did nothing wrong, but i wake up. its hurting me so bad i cant stand it. i dont know if this will even make sense to anyone, but i dont know what to do. please give me any advice you may have. ardia.
*hugs* Can totally understand your actions, and how hard the choice must have been. Maybe you could send the boys a small gift and note to show you're still thinking of them. Children are resilient, so they will be able to move on and forgive you. Hope you can find peace with this.
the gift sounds neat, or a card saying they're still in your heart and you hope they're doing well I'd also send an email to the mother, letting her know what happened. don't downplay or up-play it, just lay it out there. May've been a one time thing, or it may be that she'sa t the point where 'one more time' and she's ready to leave him. He doesn't sound like a good influence on the boys' life to me, at least not from what you have sai dhere
I have to agree, you should let the mother know what her husband did to you. If you don't have any contact with them anymore, what could it hurt? If he harrassed you that much, you could be saving the next nanny from something even worse. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but at least you got out before he hurt you even worse. I know you feel guilty for leaving the boys, but at that age, they will forget things quickly. Just know that you left for all the right reasons, it wasn't safe for you there.
The dream you are having is about feelings of personal guilt, for having left these children. Why do you think you feel so guilty? Because you left the kids or because you have yet to tell the truth? I have been in situation where I babysat for a woman who was out of town, and left me to look after her two kids on a night when her partner was going out to a bar with friends and neighbours. One of the man's friends came back to the house in a taxi before everyone else arrived, said they were drinking and crashing there and paid me. This guy brought a woman with him, and as I packed up my things, the boyfriend pulled into the driveway as I was heading out to my car. I waved goodbye to him, and went home. The next time I sat for the woman, I told her about the night - Her boyfriend had said that there were no women that came to their place. Her daughter woke up in the morning to find her married neighbour in bed with some naked woman. I gave her as much information as I possibly could and was grilled over what I witnessed, as much as I wished I didn't have a responsibility to. I think you know you should have told the mother, but you reacted poorly given the circumstances, and now you are blaming yourself for feeling paralyzed and immobalized to do anything about it - because you're afraid that the mother won't believe you. Don't be afraid if she doesn't believe you though. You never believed you'd see that nasty man naked. Logic tells me that dreams that happen more than once and "haunt" you can only go away if you're willing and brave enough to make them go away - and I know you are.
I do feel that I need to tell her the truth. I just wanted to talk to her in person, as hard as that would be, but she wont answer my calls or emails now. I dont know that if I even write a letter she will read it, but I am willing to take necessary steps to ending my dreams. Thank you all for the advice.
i have to agree with aristartle on this. this is based on your own feelings. i highly doubt the children are in much pain. children are far better at loving without strings as we adults are. you came into their lives, cared for them, then had to go. they'll miss you, but they won't pine for you. you personally feel bad because you didn't follow the societal norms for an adult good bye. however, it appears this mom has her marriage hanging on a thin thread. as most people understand, removing a temptation can also help alleviate the need for that which we desire. removing yourself from this man's scope was a GOOD thing, and ultimately better for their relationship.
