I just found this out. A couple of months before my husband and I were married, he cheated on me. I know he is sorry, I remember who this girl is, and I know that he lost her number on purpose. I didn't know why he did it at the time, he just told me it was because she is "stupid". My friends just told me this a week ago but no one told me when it actually happened. We have been married for 6 months. I freaked out and my husband started crying. I know he won't do it again, but I hurt. I hurt really bad. He says that he doesn't remember when it happened. I do. He denies that we were engaged at the time, but we were. He is my best friend and I asked him why he did not tell me when it happened, and he told me it is because he knew I would have left him. I would have then, but we are married now. I am not going to go back. I wish I did not know. I was just feeling as though I was growing closer to him everyday. I don't feel that way anymore. I keep thinking about our wedding day, I resent that day now. I think about all the fun times we had and I resent every single one of them. What should I do? If someone can help that would be wonderful. Thank you.
My thoughts about setups like this is pretty much in terms of black and white....either you forgive him or you don't. If you don't forgive him, you leave, and if you forgive him, you stay and forget about his indiscretion. If you love him enough to put this out of your mind and never use it against him, then that's a compromise you must commit to. But if you can't make that compromise, it doesn't necessarily mean you love him less, but there's just no negotiation to be made. I've never been in such a situation, so I don't know how well this applies, but I think it does. God, that sounds awful. I am really sorry for you, and I hope this turns out alright for you. Keep us updated! :: hugs ::
I don't know if I have forgiven him yet. I thought I had, but everyday I remember. Everyday I cry and I try not to let him see, or know. I don't plan on leaving him. You are very right about what I need to do, but it is very hard. I can't even run to the same friends I have before, I feel betrayed by them. I don't even talk to them, that is another reason that this situation is so hard. My husband doesn't want anything to do with our old friends either. It has to do with the way they bratrayed me, but also b/c he doesn't think I need to know now. Basiclly the same way I feel. Thank you for responding by the way! Another question that has been nagging me for a while is why does it hurt so bad? I keep trying to tell myself that it was only sex. It was not the love that we make together.
wow, hun, im really sorry. the sting and burn of the hurt must be unbeleivable, you are very strong. that being said, do you think each day of your life from now on will begin with feelings of regret and 'what if?" if so, you owe it to yourself to let him know that. even though he may be very sorry, he still did it and now has to deal with the consequence: you are feeling sad and contemplating leaving him. let him know that. also let him know that you love him very much and want your realationship to work. it will take time to get over it, if thats what you choose to do, but just make sure from now on things are out in the open and the trust is strong. good luck with everything.
I think its time you both got some relationship councelling. Seriously, I think it might help you resolve some issues
My husband and I have discussed all of this. I believe that everything will be okay. It's hard to say that at times. Yesterday, when I posted this, for some reason a lot of pain was released from writing about this and knowing that even people that do not know me or my husband are willing to help. I have thought about counselling, but if it comes down to it and we can't get over this, then it's an option. Otherwise I did great yesterday and I think we can get through this. Peace.
Dont feel betrayed by all your friends, they too may have felt in a spot of not wanting to hurt you or destroy what they felt was a good thing (you and your husband) over what they may have believed as a one time stupid thing. Its good your husband told you if he did it for the right reasons and not becuase he was told it was going to get back to you anyway. Dont blame the friend only, your husband was there and could have said no too, both were in the wrong. If you really believe it was a one time deal, that he is sorry for the actions and not sorry becuase he was afraid of getting caught then give him the chance to treat you right, to be the man you believed he is and will be. If you doubt his intentions for telling you, of that this may not have been a one time problem then my dear, sticking with a person for any reason other than love is just alot of heart ache until you do end it and then you can feel bad for wasting all that time too. I hope for #1, men can be stupid, women have that 2 little angel deal, we have them and sadly a dick, he tends to really help kick that little sweet angels ass alot then afterwards he is like taking sides with that sweet angel so then we feel really shitty. Sadly it is hard for men to learn from our mistakes, hell why do you think we never stop to ask for directions....
I love what Liz said in the second post, very mature for a young person. I would add; please don't let that women rob you of your wonderful relationship. She took something from you, but she only keeps it if you let her. I would not loose any friends over it and I would not loose any more sleep over it. If you need a silver lining, here it is. Your husband KNOWS how cheating will hurt you if he ever does it again, and I would bet big money on the fact that he won't. I would see it as an insurance policy that he won't ever cheat, not a bad price to pay, since it was before he said his wedding vows. Forgive him, and love him as if you only have a few days left. He will love you even more for totally forgiving him. Good luck and I hope that you keep us posted on your future happiness. James
Hey everybody, thanks for all the advice and kynd words. I really appreciate it. Things have been great lately. Basically back to normal. I guess you could say that since then I had to make a few of my own mistakes to realize that I do not want to lose what I have with my husband. He is the only one for me and I know he knows that I am the only one for him. You know, whatever it means to be the only one for each other. Life will go on, and I have to make the choice everyday of whether or not I want to give myself to him fully or not. He is my husband and we both celebrated our love on our wedding day. We vowed to grow together with the universe, the animal kingdom, and each other. This is our 6 month wedding anniversary and I couldn't be happier. It's St. Patties day, and I don't know how to feel about it. My husband and I are both of Irish decent. I am pagan, my husband is whatever. I grew up Catholic and my family from Ireland all moved here during the potato famine. I just think that it is ironic that our anniversary is on St. Patties Day. Whether this day is good or bad.
