Hi everyone. Okay, so my girlfriend broke up with me back in december after almost 3 months of being together. Our relationship was perfect, we completed one another, and were 100% completely in love with one another. She had horrible luck with guys before me, as all of her previous boyfriends had cheated on her, so she felt totally comfortable and at ease with me, as I am the least likely person to ever cheat on anyone. We were both also pretty inexperienced with serious relationships, and we did move kind of fast (we started a relationship after knowing one another for only a week), but we moved fast because everything felt right. It felt as if it was meant to be, and fate had placed both of us together. (there were weird coincidences...) Anyways, then over the Christmas holiday, almost completely out of the blue, she broke up with me, claiming that she "needed to find out who she is and what she wants" and that it wasn't me, it was her. That I did nothing wrong. She also put herself down A LOT, saying things like "I'm a bitch, you deserve better than me" and "I'm not worth your time". So I was completely devastated and heartbroken, to say the least. Then, about a week ago, the pain had just become to great for me to handle anymore, so I decided to e-mail her, and ask her if we could talk, since we had not spoken to one another since it happened. She agreed, and we met the next night and talked for about 45 minutes or so. The talk was just idle filler-chat pretty much, talk about school, classes, stuff like that. It was casual, but I could sense a bit of awkwardness on both sides. We didn't really talk about the relationship at all, even though I wanted to tell her that I was still in love with her and I missed her so much, but I didn't say it. She did, once again, continue to put herself down, saying the same things again, how she isn't worth anything and such....and once again, I would look her in the eyes and dispute it, and she would then turn away and not look at me. So then we parted ways with a hug and on good terms. The very next day, I get an e-mail from her, and when I opened it, I was speechless. It was basically a hate message, saying that we have absolutely no chance of ever being in a relationship again, and for me to never contact her again. I didn't do anything wrong! We left the night before on good terms, and she said that she enjoyed talking to me again!! I don't understand why she would do this! Furthermore, she has completely changed since this happened, and I don't know why. Before, she was the sweetest person I have ever met, everyone loved her, and she would always have a smile on her face. She would brighten any room with her good natured attitude. She also didn't party, and she didn't drink, basically a "good girl", which is why I loved her. Now, I have found out that she is going to frat parties alot, and getting so trashed that she wont remember the evening at all. She has also lost MANY friends from being cruel and mean, and hardly ever smiles anymore. I also saw her walking down a street near our school one day, while driving, looking really depressed. I'm trying to get over her, and I guess my question is not "how can I get back with her", I more or less just want to know what the heck has happened to her. I'm very worried about her, and its making me scared. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her, as these new behaviors are NOTHING like what she used to be, and I care about her so much. Any thoughts? Thanks everyone.
I'm sorry this happened to you..I don't know what to say or how to answer your question..I just know reading this broke my heart *Hugs ya* I'll keep thinking on it and see if I can come up with some sort of solution for ya, take care!
Thank you for the kind remarks. Lord knows this has broken my heart....People may say "it was only 3 months", but the connection we shared was truly something special. It really was true love, no other way to describe it, so I just can't understand how this could go wrong...
hey.... i'm sorry to hear how much this must suck for you and really disappoint you. i just went through a major breakup myself(over a year and some months) and couldn't help noting some of the similar pleasant things we both experienced: fun times, feeling like we "completed" one another, getting good luck in finding each other as i had bad experiences with guys before and he basically couldn't find someone right..and we moved really fast through things aswell because everything felt right. I broke up with him. and I told him things similar to your ex. I did it though because i knew I was too immature and unstable and was going through some rough times with my family. honestly, i think he's better off. and I think you're better off aswell. you dont want to be with someone who is insecure or clingy. my ex was kind, almost selfless and understanding (and i think you are the same) and always insisted he didn't mind if i couldn't always be my best. but deep down inside, i felt like it was too much on my emotional capacity. maybe your ex just cannot realize it... but it is probable that she has her own insecurities that you want to have as little as possible to do with. you should talk to her if you can- and let her know you're worried for her. or alert someone else of this risky fast lane behavior. but exert some limits and realize your position in this. hope that helped abit.
Yes, Nisha, that did help. You brought up good points. Yes, she did have major insecurities. Since all of those guys cheated on her, she had a MAJOR trust issue. She found it hard to trust anyone at all, including me, and she brought that up with me a few times. But, as you said, I am a very kind, understanding and selfless person, so I said it was fine for her to feel that way, and that I would do what I could to show that I could support her. I did not let it get in the way of having a good relationship. She also had an "issue" with me not fully expressing how I felt....for example, if she made me mad, I wouldn't show it, and she knew that. I would just ignore it and not express how I REALLY felt, and that bugged her. I guess those issues just seemed minimal to me, because the rest of what we had was amazing. As I said, its not that I am trying to get back together with her, it is that this "new her" really scares me, A LOT, because this is nothing like who she used to be, and the fact that she sent that hateful e-mail for no apperant reason worries me too. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her.
Pussy whooped. That's hot. This chick sounds like she's not good enough for you. People change, hon. It's just something you have to deal with. Maybe she knew she couldn't handle a relationship and doesn't want to lead you on. Just take it with a grain of salt and maybe you'll find someone that's just as good as she is....only won't break your heart. Stop holding on to something that isn't there.
This is what I have learned from personal expeirence. I had a friend who acted similar to your ex; he was a nice guy and then did a 180 and turned into a total dick to everyone. He had SERIOUS issues and I don't think your ex has any quite as bad as him (He killed his best friend in a drunk driving accident when he was 17, that's the tip of the iceberg!) It sounds like she is seriously depressed. Your ex is going on a self destructive rampage. She is destroying everything in her life that meant something to her, and that's might be why she is pushing you away. She may even hate herself. That's why she is constantly putting herself down and she might be suicidal. I can't say that latter part for sure, but I know my friend was suicidal espicially after his personality shift. What to do? That is a tough one. Perhaps send an email that although she wrote a very nasty letter, you understand that she is going through tough times and if she needs someone to talk to, she has your ear. Other than that, there's not much else you can do. In any relationship, each member must love themselves first and foremost. I learned this with an ex of mine. He was very possessive but at the same time, he adored me too much. He thought that he loved me after the first time he saw me, and unfortunately, I didn't feel the same way. He got obsessed and trashed his appartment after I broke up after a month. He was depressed and I told him that he needed help before I could continue in a relationship with him. After all, if he can't love himself, how can he love someone else? He proceeded to threaten to kill himself and cut his hand with a knife. I was manic at the time so I didn't appreciate his actions, mainly b/c I was NOT in the right mental state. I haven't talked to him since. Do you really want a relationship with someone like this? It is SOOO draining! He was part of the reason I was having such bad mood swings. It was unhealthy for me and it would be unhealthy for you. Sorry this is so long, but I hope you find this helpful in some way. Good luck and best wishes! You deserve the best! Peace & love
Unfortunately, I doubt anyone's going to be able to explain her sudden shift in attitude. There are so many possibilities. Whatever the case may be, the only thing you have to keep in mind is that you aren't the one responsible for her well being, which is what I see in the concern for her you're expressing. You are responsible for you, and keeping yourself in the best shape you can. This can be extremely hard to keep in perspective when you're dealing with someone you love who's got serious issues, especially when you're a good person willing to help the people you care for. Most of us have been taken advantage of at some point in our lives by either friends, significant others, or even our parents; and while being there for others is an admirable quality, it's important to keep our own self worth in mind at the same time. Basically, what I'm saying is, don't sacrifice your own well being for hers. You can be there for her all you want, but if she's not stepping up to the plate and doing what's necessary to handle whatever problem she's dealing with, and you can't get her to, it's your responsibility to step away before it takes it's toll on you. No matter what it is that's going on with her, you were with her for only three months, it felt perfect, and she dropped you suddenly. That's a red flag. Now some time has passed, you've contacted her, had a relatively normal conversation followed up by a spiteful email the next day. That's another red flag. Do not take them lightly. These warnings mean there's something going on you're most likely not going to be able to handle. It's the kind of thing that takes professional guidance by an unbiased party. Keep your guard up if you deal with her in the future, but really, you should take what you've learned and move on. Love is blinding, invigorating, magical, and so many more of these typical cliches, and how some of us deal with handling these emotions/experiences can be just as mysterious.
You can't fix her, and you can't help her if she doesn't want it. Best thing you can do is let her know you are there (and then be there) if she needs you. Anything else and you are going to force her farther away. Take care.
I think she probably has a drinking problem and needs to get help.You are better off without out her and need to move on with your life.Start dating as soon as you can and with time you will forget her. ~peace & love
Okay...so an update on this. Its still bothering me. I see her around campus, and she's not the same person. She slouches when she walks, not confident at all, she seems to watch the ground, and never smiles. And if she passes me, I still try to smile and say hi, and she quickly turns away and acts as though she didn't see or hear me. I don't understand it. This girl used to just glow last semester. She was always surrounded by happy people, laughing with her, having a great time. Now...after this breakup ordeal and everything, I always just see her walking by herself, and never smiling at all. I just don't understand what's going on. (please refer to my first post to know the whole story) I'm just really worried...and I feel so helpless. Anyone have any idea at all of what could be going through her head??
I'm sorry to be pushy, I just really need some advice. This is driving me crazy and I'm actually losing sleep over this.
