To what extent do you feel its right to discuss your past relationships with your partner, and how much information do you think its appropriate to know about your partner?
Whatever the two of you are comfortable sharing... My boyfriend and I know pretty much everything about eachother's past relationships...we didn't plan it that way...but...we are products of our pasts and it is necessary to know how eachother ended up the way we are.
I think that you should discuss only what's necessary. This is just my opinion b/c i'm a jealous bitch and don't want to think about my boyfriends in intimate settings in which i am not present, lol. But from past experience, i think any health issues should be out in the open, obviously, and anything that maybe had some effect on the individual, that may have an effect on the relationship. Like sexual abuse. But only if you're in a comfortable, trusting situation. You know, when you're ready to open up about it. I don't ever want to hear about my boyfriend's flings or 3-somes or amazing sex with exgirlfriends, it's his business, his past, and he can keep it. I don't ever try to make someone jealous with comments about past sex experiences. I used to, when i was really young and immature. I realize now it can be hurtful and cause insecurities and fester. But i guess some couples are just super super open about things like that, and don't care about past lovers. I think you need to assess your partner and you'll instinctively know what they're comfortable with. And let them know what you're comfortable with, b/c if it makes you feel bad to hear about their past, and they keep talking about it, it can be very damaging to the relationship. sorry this wasn't very articulate, i'm in ramble mode.
If they ask, I think you should tell them. Why hold anything back? Other side of the story... if you want to know, you should think deeply on it. You might not want to know and are you ready to face the answer? I personally like to be completely open. Of course I won't go into a life story with out them asking but I like to have nothing kept secret. Wouldn't you rather expose your secret respectfully, rather than have it forced out? Sorry, I kind of got off track...
I'm all for complete and total honesty about our repsective pasts. I have no shame at all, really, and will talk about anything if asked, and I really feel deeply satisfied when someone I care for shares very personal things with me. I can definitely handle hearing about past relationships, even the balatant details about sexual things. It helps me to understand my partner better, and just plain helps me feel closer to them. I actually demand that level of openness in a relationship, and that kind of emotional security is one of the biggest things I look for in a potential partner.
Well if they don't mind hearing it then it's ok to be honest about your past but only if you feel it's important for them to know. My current partner knows how many people I've been with and the fact I've been with women and men, things like that are important for him to understand. Equally though, he gets very insecure and I would never dream of just commenting on past relationships often as it would hurt him.
Honesty is a good thing but there is such thing as too much information. I don't care that much if Adam talks about his ex-wife or other chicks in the past, unless I feel compared to them. The other problem I have is when he tells me too many details about chicks he messed around with in the past, ie, "this chick was nasty and I fingered her because I felt bad for her and I forgot to wash my hands and then I smoked a cigarette with that hand and it smelled so bad I almost threw up so I pulled over and washed it like five times..." Okay, that is just a little too much information for ANYONE, let alone a current girlfriend. Sometimes he suffers from diarreha of the mouth... Peace & love
I wouldn't like to know anything really! But I guess just the basics like how long the relationship lasted that kind of thing. I wouldn't want to hear anything about sex or intimate things.
Personally I don't want to hear about it, I mean unless we've been together for a long time and it makes a good story. Otherwise, I don't really care about the past relationships or want to hear about them. "my ex-bf was like this and we did this".....yeah i don't want to hear it.
