Everyone interview themselves! About anything! I'll go first, observe: Welcome to my exclusive interview with Roth McTannen of Bakersfield, CA. Roth has been a leading advocate in our community for many causes, among them dogs for the blind, horses for the def, cougars for the dumb, and dolphins for the ignorant. Q: Now, is it true that you can see for thirty miles in all directions? A: Yes indeed. It's a gift I picked up in junior year of high school, when I played beach vollyball. One day someone noticed a ship way off in the distance. Q: In the ocean? A: No, in the downtown area of the city!? Yes, the ocean!!! What kind of question is that???? Q: Forgive me, I was lost in your eyes. A: That's alright then. Anyway, someone noticed a ship that must have been, well, thirty miles out at sea! And this girl said, "Boy! If someone could read the registration number on that ship, well, he'd be cool! I might even go out with him!" Well thats all I needed to hear! Q: So what did you do? A: Well, I stared directly into the sun for nearly a half an hour. But, my secret is this: I was really blind, but I have a hidden eye underneath my chin, so that eye was protected. It seems that the uv rays acted upon my third eye in such a way that sight was trasmitted from it to my two normal eyes. But the power of this trasmission not only gave me sight in those eyes, it gave me sight that was to the hundreth power greater! Q: Amazing! And thats what inspired the Who song, 'I Can See For Miles'? A: Yes, it turned out Pete Townshend was really that girl, in drag. Made me quite angry, in fact. I hit him over the head with his guitar. But that only inspired his famous stage antics! Dammit, you cant win for losing with those rock and/or rollers, can you? I mean, even if I walked up to Paul McCartney himself, set a pie on fire, and threw it in his face, he'd probably write a friggin song about it!!!! Q: He did, didn't he? The album 'Flaming Pie'? A: (turnes red) Are you serious? It happened to me again? Crap, then you mean the time I trapped Radiohead in that submarine- Q: 'The Bends'? A: And the time I taught Bono to pick up girls using a German accent? Q: 'Auchtung Baby'? A: ...... Q: Well, uh Roth, it looks like you have shaped history in more ways than just getting Dan Rather to open his mind with LSD???? A: Oh yeah, election night 2000 was sure something, huh? Q: Indeed, indeed. Well, thats all we have time for. Thank you Roth! A: Hahahaah, "Tighter than a bathing suit at the beach"! Hahahaahha!
And now we pose a few question to that Hip Forum poster known as "IronGhost." Q. Welcome, Iron ... can I call you "Iron" ... and thanks for coming in today. A. Thank you, you can call me anything you like. Q. First of all, is IronGhost your given name? A. No, my real name is Ken ... Ken Korczak. Q. That's an unusual last name? What ethnic background does it come from? A. It's a Polish name. I'm a Polish American. Q. Great. Now Ken, I mean, Iron, let me ask you this: What does a red rose look like when you view it through an orange colored glass? A. Well, I think it would look green. Q. The next thing I'm wondering, Iron, is, what is your view on global warming? A. I'm against it. Q. So who do you think will win the Miss American pageant this year? A. I'm thinking its going to be Miss Utah. Q. Why? A. Just a hunch. Q. Finally Ken -- damn! - -I mean, Iron. Someone once told me that you like to eat shit sandwiches off of a cracked plate. What do you say to this? A. Oh, come on, I don't even like bread! Q. Thanks, Iron, you've been a real sport. I also find you devilishly handsome. A. Thanks. I get that a lot. www.ironghost.wordpress.com www.starcopywriter.com
