Amen, RyvreWillow! Moonflower, don't let any discouraging comments get to you. We had another run-in on the parenting forum a few months ago with the same argument of "Young moms needing financial aid can't provide a good enough life for their children". And the general consensus from all the mothers on this forum was that LOVE IS NECESSARY, brand new clothing and the most popular toys are NOT. You seem to be taking this very well, and with support from the most important people in your life: your mother, first and foremost, and the father of your child, you'll be able to pull through any struggle that comes your way. Make sure to educate yourself on all of your options, everything that happens in pregnancy, labour and delivery, don't settle for things you dont want to happen in your pregnancy and delivery. You're entitled to strive for the birth YOU want, whatever it may be. And know that lots of women on this forum started out young, inexperienced, scared, maybe poor, but hopeful. And most are still hopeful about parenting, their children, and their choices. None of them seem to regret their paths. We're all here for you. PM if you need to talk. I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant, and I'm a few months ahead of you, so I can give you my experiences from fresh memories. But you'll be fine. *hugs*
hugs again i was 18 when I found out that I was pregnant, and my boyfriend (now dh) was pretty shaken up....excited, but scared. I'm 19 now, and I love being a mom more than anything. It sounds cliche, but it's the best thing that can happen in a woman's life. The change the way you see the world. Personally, even the colors outside looked more vibrant than they ever had before. We're not rich, either. We were living in a semi-crappy apartment when we found out, and now we're renting the basment at my mom's and my hubby is in college (i'm joining him in the fall). Having our little girl changed our life in ways that I can't even describe. We never would have gone back to school if it weren't for her. Yeah, financial security is important, but there are far more families that come out who are more or less poor and happy as can be than families who are very well off. Just what I've noticed from my personal experience. You're right, love is the most important thing. It's awsome that you have your mom's support! It can make such a difference. But yeah, like ryverwillow said, babies are meant to come when they're supposed to, and your little bundle's time is now, and he/she is coming for a reason. Love is stronger than anything else in this world. If you have love, you have everything that you'll ever need. You have all the support of the mama's here, and we're all here to help you!
My new perdicament. My boyfriend and I had another 'talk' last night. He actually told me maybe an abortion would be the best thing for 'us'. I told him he was just thinking of himself because he isn't ready to be a dad....he's turning 21 in 3 days. Then, he told me he's going to reinlist in the military....which he already told me he'd be doing for the fun life he had while in (Sex with the girls and drinking with the guys) which crushed me....he basically told me he was going to shamelessly cheat on me. I'm still hoping he'll come around. We're supposed to meet up again within the next day or two once we've both calmed down to discuss this. Did any of your baby's daddys ever tell you to get an abortion because he was thinking of the two of you? That'd be going against everything I've ever believed in....but it'd keep him from re-joining the military. I'm torn. Also....on my right side....around my hipbone, like....in behind it, I keep getting a sharp pain....it's not constant, but it feels like someone is stabbing me there. What could be the cause of this?
oh god hun no offense but I think you'd be a lot better off being a single mom. Tell him to f-off... he sounds like he is trying to push you into a situation by temper tantruming the "adult" male way. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about abortion period, do not do it. You will most likely regret it big time... You now need to think of baby first. If hes such a jerk he can't be supportive of you and your feelings (since your the one carrying the child, not him) he can just pay via a check in the mail every month. He doesn't have a choice, he had just as much participation in it as you did. He can't stop it and please don't allow him into bullying you into a decsion you won't feel comfortable in. Croix and Noah's father was like this, 4 years of unnessicary torture... seriously, get out while you can if he keeps this up. Everyone in the situation will be a heck of a lot happier in the end. Oh, and for your question...I got that too in my first trimester. If I remember correctly it was nothing for much concern. Try to relax and not stress out. The baby can feel it. *hugs* you need anyone I'm here and up for talking.
I got the same sharp pain thing in the same spot in my 1st trimester. I went to the hospital, and they said that it was nothing to worry about and said that it was probably just a UTI. Like earthymama said, don't go and do something that he wants you to do that you don't think is right. Trust me, you'll regret it. Just by what this guy is telling you about this military stuff and him cheating, he's not worth keeping around wether or not you're pregnant. I know that it's hard when you care about someone, and the fact that he's your baby's father makes it harder, but you have to get this guy out of your life. You're just going to be stressed out and upset trying to get him to comply, and it's just going to drive you crazy. Since you have the support of your mom and such, lean on her. Not this guy. In the end, do what you feel is right, but guys like this are not uncommon, and we all know how reliable they are. My advice:get rid of him.
Brian wasn't ready to be a father when we found out I was pregnant. Did he have the audacity to say so to me? NO. Why? Because it's not like I was ready to be a mom, and it was not like I had the option to run away from my uterus. A good man, a caring man, will NEVER ask you to compromise your morals and ethics "because it's in both of your best interests". You said you'd talked about this possibility before, and he had said he would be supportive. Now, he's wanting to turn tail and run. Frankly, you'd be better off being a single mother, with the support and love of your mother to see you through. Let him do as he wishes, but let him know that he still holds 50% of responsibility for this child and that you're not going to shoulder things alone. You shouldn't have to. No one is ever really ready to be a mom or a dad, but it's done every day. As far as the pain, it's probably round ligament pain. Those ligaments are stretching, as they hold your uterus in place and stretch and grow WITH your growing womb. It'll go away soon. But if it gets really bad, talk to your doctor. *hugs again*
Thanks ladies. My guy just left. I poured my heart out....I told him to sit there, shut up, and listen. I explained that it's my body....so it's what I say that goes as far as whether or not I'm having an abortion. I showed him sites on the internet, explaining how far along I was and that the baby is a baby right now....not an egg (He thought they stayed 'egg-ish' until about 6 months or so). I cried and everything....but I got my point across. I told him he could be a man, accept my choice, and stick around. Or, he can be a pansy and leave me. He said he wants to be with me no matter what I choose. He said he definitely is behind me in that decision....he didn't know that I was so against an abortion....he just wanted to keep the options open. But, he knows that's out of the question. I asked him about the military as well. He said he thought it over and he didn't want to re-up. He wants to be with me and help me through this. His mama called him and jumped his shit for putting me through that and told him to straighten his act up or leave me alone because he was being a big baby. So, thanks to her, he's acting a lot better. I'm still going to keep my eyes and ears open for anything that makes me stressed with him and tell him to change it or go away. And, thanks for clearing the pain up. My mom said she never had that and didn't know what it could be....so, I'm glad someone knew.
i agree. if he's resorting to ultimatums, ditch him. He needs to grow up, and maybe someday you'll LET him be a dad, IF he earns it. Real men don't play games like that. i'd give him a couple of weeks maybe, let him have some time to think about what he would be missing out on, and then tell him to hit the road. He was a fool for saying all that, now he'll have to prove himself worthy.
Here is a option for you. I know it is going to sound a bit off for this forum but could he possibly reup? If you two got married and he reuped he would be eligible for some great benes (working welfare government style). You might be more comfortable financially and you could begin your baby's life by building a stable future for him or her. I have a friend who did it right after college and they are doing very well. My friend's wife was able to go to college while raising two kids because the base provided daycare. There are so many little things that army takes care of that it might be a feasible option for you. H
Yes. But, he didn't finish his last term. He had a general discharge. So, should he decide to reup he would have to start again at the lowest rank. He's still thinking....but he was only doing it for the money....to pay for my hospital and what not, but my insurance takes care of that....so he probably won't reup. Plus, we're not getting married. Neither of us want to get married just because we're having a baby. We've been together only four months and we both have strong opinions that when we get married we want to know it will be forever. I know my mom got married because she was pregnant with me and it just didn't work out.
There is no way to tell if anything YOU do will stop him from being a jerk and doing what he said he would do. He THREATENED to go and sleep with other girls, because you wouldn't have an abortion? I am so sorry you are in this situation, but this isn't over with him. Not in the long run. He's a little boy. There is nothing you can do to change him. He wants to have fun. He sounds immature (he didn't even finish his first time in the Military, and I'm sure he has some excuse for that.......) it is probably best NOT to get married, I don't think he could handle it. It doesn't look like he is capable of supporting a family. He thought fetuses were "eggs" until six months? This boy needs some educating, and YOU need to take care of YOU right now. Can your mom and or dad help you out? I just don't think this boy is anywhere near old enough to father adequtely. Some guys this age can, but it looks like he's only looking out for himself, and only wants to have a good time. YOU have a really adult situation, that will be with you the rest of your life. Can you go to Planned Parenthood and get some counseling about what to do at this point? There is WIC, there is Public Aid, there is always going to court and getting child support, which, if he was old enough to have sex, he should be old enough to at least finacially support a child. Does he have a job? (Oh, please I hope so.) My prayers and hopes are with you. Blesssings. I'm lighting a candle for your good future and love for your baby.
moon flower, here are some really good books for you to read. I'd stay away from "What to Expect When You're Expecting" as it is too status quo, and very outdated. The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears (THE BEST book about infant care on the market.) Hip Mama’s Survival Guide by Ariel Gore (I used to be House Lactation Consultant on her HipMama website, before it closed. She also had a site for een moms called "Girl Mom" which was very good. I will see if it is still there, for you.) The Pregnancy Book and The Birth Book by William and Martha Sears Both excellent books, I had them both with my last pregnancy The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding By La Leche League (THE Breastfeeding Bible) So, That’s What They’re For by Janet Tomaro A different style than The Womanly Art, it takes itself less seriously and a lot of younger moms like it a lot. Spiritual Midwifery (The Old Hippy Stand By, one of the best books on Natural Child Birth. Ask Mamaboogie) and Ina May's Guild to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin This one is updated, and contains more data on the details of childbirth. PM me, and I have an offer for you about one of these books.
cool idea there maggie. There's an awsome book that i had then I was pregnant, it's called the mother of all baby books, and she also wrote one called the monther of all pregnancy books. I dont' know if you guys have them in the US, but I loved those books.
Oddly, I don't know those books. Do you have a link to an Amazon.com page for them, or somewhere else, where I could see them? Do you have the author? My library may be able to get them, so I can read them. Thank you so much.
http://www.having-a-baby.com/mobb_ustoc.htm here's a link to her website, and there's a link on there to the mother of all pregnancy books. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764566164/104-8100507-2595908?v=glance&n=283155 here's the amazon link for the baby book one http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0764565168/104-8100507-2595908?v=glance&n=283155 and the link to amazon for the pregnancy one the author is ann douglas. she wrote the first books for canadians (as she is) and then "translated" the same ones for americans. It was nice to have some canadian books, though. she was able to tell me all about the specific paper work that I had to do, and all the goverenment benifit things that we would be getting and stuff.
Definitely read anything by the Sears Duo. They're all for Attachment Parenting, Breastfeeding, and actually LISTENING to your child. And lots of other books and guides tell you to train your baby. Never a good idea. I also recommend their breastfeeding book if you can't get your hands on the Womanly Art...I couldn't, so the breastfeeding book was a good one to have.
I'm so confused about him. He's fine now....I just....I don't know. We've talked about it the past 2 days a whole lot....I went to stay with him. I think he threatened with the military to scare me. My mom is helping me out. I don't think I need counseling. I'm finished being stressed. I'm just going to suck up my pregnant glory and enjoy it while it's there. I'm happy, I don't care if he is anymore. Yes, my healthcare provider has already talked to me about WIC. I go Wednesday to get a checkup and then to the government building to get either WIC or a medical card. I know we can afford the formula and what-not....so if I can't get WIC I definitely need the medical card. And, yes. Lol, he has a job. He got one when I told him I was pregnant. So, I guess he can't hate it as much as he let on....? Thanks, ladies, again. Oh, Maggie, I PMed you about that book.
You said formula *cries* You can save yourself a ton of money (without the expense of formula, there are still bottles, nipples, sterilising equipment, the time taken off work for medical checkups as formula fed babies are sick more often, etc) if you decide to breastfeed. Not to mention, all of the benefits for both YOU and your baby. If you start getting prepared and educated NOW, you'll have less problems later on. And look into your birthing options. Don't just depend on doctors and other professionals to make decisions for you. This is your body, your baby, your experience. You make the calls you feel comfortable with. Sorry to sound preachy, but I hate seeing people give up before they've even begun to fight.
hippyfreek is right, bfing is WAY better for soooo many reasons. I had to formula feed our daughter after a HORRIBLE bfing expereince. Get educated on it now. There's soooo many benifits, health wise for allergies and antibodies and such, as well as the bonding. You have no idea how wonderful it is until you try it. (I loved it until things turned ugly). If it doesnt work, don't beat yourself up over it, though. I felt like i was the worst mother on the earth...still kinda do. Ultimately, it's your choice, but don't dismiss the breastfeeding from the beginning.
Haha. Yes. That's what I meant....we can afford it if the breastfeeding doesn't work out. I definitely plan on giving it a try. But, formula will be there for backup.
