Can't come from oral sex

I have a lovely new boyfriend and we have great sex together - I come very easily when im on top and he can sometimes bring me off with his fingers too, but no matter how long and intensely he goes down on me (and he loves doing it!) I can't come - I love the sensations, it is very, very pleasurable but I seem to get to the brink but can't tip over the edge.

I suppose I have some inhibition somewhere deep in my psyche - in any other sexual aspect I am very uninhibited: love bondage and s/m to name but a few - but I feel a freak because oral sex is imagined to be THE surefire winner for orgasms.

I masturbate a lot but again, I get the tension build up but not the actual release. I've tried loads of different vibrators and toys but they really don't do a lot for me. Quite a nice feeling but definitely not orgasmic.

Does anyone else have this problem or, even better, did anyone else have this and find the Magic Key! If so, please share the secret cos I feel like i'm missing out!

 

think about waht sort of touch/sensation it is that brings you over. You said that finger sometimes works, why doesn't he try incorporating that into oral (and give his tongue a break for a moment)

 

I would definitely say that you have a mental block for some reason. You need to let yourself go, relax, and not obsess over having an orgasm. It sounds to me as though you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

Just enjoy the sensations, take the focus off of having an orgasm, and see where it takes you. Once you can relax and just give yourself over to the feelings, I'm sure it can and will happen for you.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

why is it that those that can do this easily say to us that cant the same thing

either

you have a mental block

learn to please yourself first and then tell him

etc etc

what happens when non of this applies? do we just have sit back and accept it when we hear time and again from silly little (18) girls how great it is and how many times they can do it, or is it a load of bull? and then accept the fact that we cant ever feel what the hell they are talking about without feeling abnormal, cause thats all this does

 

prob got screw when he got circumcise. nevermind yiur the one with the problem "thats what i get for not reading well"

 

what s your problem? do you get off with your stupid remarks?

 

which bit of it that confuses you?

the fact there are people like me that ask questions due to the fact that they have listened to so called "normal" people, those that find orgasming as easy as breathing,
to then be told that we have a mental block and thats the reason why we dont/cant orgasm. to be told that the only way we can learn to orgasm is by tossing your self off and then teaching your other half to do it for you?

do we listen to the ease of 18 year old girls at their expereinces of having an orgasm at the drop of a hat and so many times a session and wonder "are they lying or talking a load of bull" just to keep up with their friends to find later on in life that they are posting on forums such as this that they have been faking it all along!!!

this is what i mean about feeling abnormal,

 

i have been going and i have just sacked her today as she was a complete and utter waste of time!!!!!

it was like talking to your grandmother, but the things she had us doing, and never listened to a word of what we told her, and then when we did answer her questions truthfully she just directed abuse at me, not a good thing for a therapist to do, i think.

 

Um, what's with the 18 year old girl reference? If you are referring to me, I'm a happily married nearly 28 year old woman.

Don't take your sexual frustration out on everybody else here. I'm truly sorry that you've had such a difficult time acheiving orgasm, but don't bash others who are fortunately able to have them with little difficulty. And I for one, have never had to fake with my husband, so my posts ring true.

If you weren't referring to me, then I apologize.

 

i wasnt talking about anyone in particular, i was refering in general terms, so i hope i havent offended anyone.

 

Oh, okay. My apologies. I tend to take take things to heart too often.

Peace...

 

I knew she wasn't referring to you HCM, Charise maybe but not you , i've been following the posts a little more closely lately.

Thearapists fall into the 'format' sometimes and can't think outside of the box and apply the same format to every situation.

I for one am not ruling out physiological factors behind darkangel's problem... but that should be another post altogether...hmm should I bring up an old post ' absolutly p''d off with sex!'???

 

you can bring it up if you want, but that was quite a while ago!!! and ok the thing about orgasming hasnt improved much but i do love having sex with my hubby now,he is getting much better at listening to what i want when in bed instead of doing his own thing everytime,,

i didnt have any names of people in mind when i said that comment i was just speaking generally

 

The female Orgasm seems to be like those 3-D pictures that were popular about 15 years ago. We had a guy at work that thought we were making the shit up and fucking with him. It took him nearly a month to see "it". His problem was he was trying too hard.

I think Hippychickmommy makes a good point, relax and enjoy it without worrying about the finish. Hopefully your guy will not make it a job with a "mission accomplished" stamp at the end. When he does get you there, he should continue until you beg him to stop.

A technique that may work is for him to insert his finger to the second knuckle, bend up and rub the rough spot slowly as he licks your clit, or sucks it, depending on which sensation you enjoy most. If he can get in rhythm with you, ten minutes should be enough, but longer is better.

Good luck,
James

 

darkangel, try doing Kegel's, it'll condition your pc muscles. I did it years ago and it gave me more control over my orgasms, in fact I could cum in ways that I couldn't cum before or since. Give it at least 2-3 weeks. I fell out of it cuz, well it's enough for me to do yoga regularly , maybe I'll go back into it. Google it, I'll post links if I get around to it.

I'm glad your hubby is looking out for you more, you deserve it .

 

Damn, knew i shoulda put that in another post, sorry, didn't mean to ignore you fluffychick :&
Just relax, don't put pressure on yourself.

Have your man try different pressures, movements, speeds. Maybe when you're close, you need more pressure, or less, or faster, or slower. Experiment with varying the pressure or speed when you're close to the edge and see what brings you over.

 

sorry but i dont understand what the heck my pc muscles have to do with it? they are very strong already as i do the kegels and have done for a very long time.

 

maybe you have to up it a bit like with some of the fancy stuff listed here.

BTW, how long is your hubby giving you when he stimulates you, or you yourself, it can take an hour or more for some folks.

Have you tried pulling the vulva or skin around the clit back, this exposes the clit more allowing for more stimulation.

 

i usually end up having to move the skin around when the vib comes out and when hes around this can take a very long time to get anything going!!! i have tried most things to tell him what and how to do it but he still goes off on his own most times, i give up telling him!!!!!! i end up having to do it myself as he will end up hurting me, hes to rough in some places and not enough in others!!! hard to please , arent i? he he

i wish sometimes he would pull the skin back when he uses his tongue or fingers but he never does, its just so frustrating.

 

As he is the ONLY partner you had we DO NOT have enough info whether you're all that hard to please Believe me, the difference between lovers can be the difference between night and day... not all men are created equal. My best lover made me cum more times in one afternoon then some of my mediocre lovers did in entire 4 months relationships. One guy tried, pick up books, read the kuma sutra(sp) but he was ineffective, he insisted on a certain position he read up even when I told it did nothing for me, I had to dump his ass.

As with everything there's a difference between working hard and working smart. Some guys work hard and get nowhere, these are the guys that blame it on you, and other guys work smart, they are very intune to your responses and just know what buttons to press and really absorb your input. But I can tell from your posts that you're adament with working it out with him so I'll work with that.

Don't give up telling him on how to do it, it just needs reinforcing. Do you use the vib on yourself in front of him so he can see a demonstration? When you get close to cumming or reach a heightened plateau you may require a different pressure to get you over, don't be afraid to say 'harder', 'lighter' or whatever you need.

Sometimes I pull the skin back myself when my bf goes down on me, that frees up his fingers.