Going downhill on a flaming broken motorcycle.

Well basically I want your opinion, and I want you guys to think about what you'd actually do, not some crap that sounds like its been crapped out by and agony aunt, here goes.

I've been with my girl for about a year and a half, lost my virginity to her, I was her 1st boy friend, we were great friends before and used to talk about anything, I used to go to her with my problems etc etc, Anywhoo, I've done some shitty things to her
1. I was once two hours late to meet her after I got lost when walking.
2. I got drunk and left her in a field on her own asleep outside our home town for about two hours.
3. I had German exchange students staying over and misplaced our anniversary (I thought it was a couple of days later).

So i know I'm far from the perfect boyfriend, she's a cool girlfriend, however she always nags me alot about many things, some of them are true (such as I smoke or drink too much) but still I'm 16 and should'nt have people telling me what I can or can't do least of all my gfrnd. Latley she goes crazy (properly crazy) about menial things, I don't think I love her anymore, I fancy her and Love her as a friend etc etc.

Now do you think we need a break or a break up or a duel to the death, winner takes all?

If you actually read all that, cheers!
If you posted, double cheers!
(unless it was crap, in which case, bugger you)

 

First of all, I think that at 16 if you yourself think that you smoke and drink too much, you have a problem. At 16, you shouldn't be doing either of these things, period. And even if you were 26, I'd say that if you do them nearly enough that someone who cares about you thinks you're doing them too much, then it's a problem. But at 16, you should be in school and caring about that, and having natural fun that doesn't include fucking with your brain chemistry. What's wrong with your life that you feel this need? Can you not find enough fun in fun, cool activities, that you have to seek refuge in mind-altering substances that damage your health in one way or another. (Think of it this way: alcohol give you a buzz because it is poisoning your brain. Oooo-eee! Such fun!)

The things you said you did to your girlfriend don't seem like huge deal-breakers to me, but if they're part of a pattern of neglect, then maybe you should not have a girlfriend for a while, at least not until you've matured (and you don't seem very mature, at this point) and can handle the role of boyfriend.

Part of your immaturity is in how you see all this. You say that "still I'm 16 and should'nt have people telling me what I can or can't do least of all my gfrnd." Well, you see it as her telling you what you can do. Maybe she sees it as, "he gets stoned or drunk all the time, and treats me neglectfully, and his habits are making him into a different person, and possibly holding him back from his potential (pot and alcohol are known for that)" and dude, maybe she's fucking right. And what makes you think that 16 is such a wise old age that all of your actions are beyond reproach or criticism?! Forgive me for saying so, but at 16, you don't know shit yet; and I admit that when I was 16 I also didn't know shit yet. It took years to be able to look back on that age and realize that, and it will take years for you to be able to see it, too -- provided you don't fuck yourself up before then and not even live to reach that point. But being 16, and thinking that you've got it all locked up, and when your priorities are drinking and smoking, as though they're the be-all and end-all, is proof of a lack of maturity. And defensiveness about how much you drink and smoke is also evidence of the existence of a problem.

Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

Hey man I know you think you're doing the right thing and all, and you've made some fair points, however don't ever bloody patronise me just because I'm 16, sure I've got a lot to learn and I know what drugs do to my body and I've made a concious decision to take them, and also I really don't do them that much like once or twice a week and she does them also, so the perils of drugs have got nothing to with our relationship.

Secondly I realise that it may be me, and I'm not some kind of idealistc teen who thinks I've got everything sussed, nor do I think I'm fully mature, however old I am in years please treat me as an adult, sure you may remeber the 'heady; days of 16 as being carefree etc etc and sure you're correct I really don't have any big problems, except this one which will pass in time I'm sure.

Anywhoo thanks for your input nonetheless.

Oh and the drinking is not that big a deal, I'm British so its not as 'frowned upon' here as it is in USA.

Lastly I am in school, I'm in further Ed and I've got several places in differnt Uni's to study Philosophy so I do concentrate on my work. You make it seem like I'm some sort of stupid 12 year old crack user who shouts at his parents about being so unfair because 'he's all grown up now'.







Thanks xx

 

Quote: First of all, I think that at 16 if you yourself think that you smoke and drink too much, you have a problem. At 16, you shouldn't be doing either of these things, period

PFFFFT whatever you peaceful puritan.

I'd dump her. You aren't in love with her and it doesn't seem like it is getting more serious, end it now rather than leading her on.

 

Yeahhh, you definitely want to dump someone who cares enough about you to be concerned that you may be doing too much drugs and drinking. What good is a girlfriend like that?


Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

sounds like a break might be in order.

I like to take a break from mine about every couple of weeks.

She's always nagging..."you spend too much time in the hip forums".

But I don't have a problem...seriously!

 

If a person wants to do anything, they should be able to do it without being nagged....dump her!

 

Oh the thread title was a metaphor... I was hoping that was somebodys fantasy.

Just try taking a break, take some time and think about where the relationship is going, your to young to be looking for a 'mom' in a girlfriend, but she might have a point... I dunno. Sleep on it before you do anything rash.

 

Being that you are 16 (no lecturing, I promise!!), you shouldn't be trying to have a super-serious relationship. Being a teenager is about figuring out who you are and what you want. You said yourself that you aren't in love with her anymore...perhaps that's why her concern seems more like nagging. I would take a break, if I were you. Have fun, date around, be 16! Not too many people my age are still with their high school bf/gf.