My ex AIM'd me last night. We broke up in August and it was sort of a dirty break up. I was starting school back up and things were busy in my life, so I pretty much dropped him like a sack of potatoes. (I'm not proud of it.) He's a really good person, but he's also very sensitive. He knows about my current boyfriend and how happy I am. However, since I broke up with him, his life has been spiraling out of control. I didn't know anything about it, because I was too embarrassed to contact him or try to be friends with him, but now that I know all this, I feel terrible. I really want to be there for him, but he doesn't want me to because he still loves me and wants to be with me. He thinks it will hurt more if I am around. I accept that, but I find it hard, knowing that someone I care about is going through such a hard time and I'm not doing a damn thing. So what do I do? Nothing? Hm, well, what choice do I have? I'm sad. *DISCLAIMER* I'm deeply in love with my current boyfriend. He is wonderful and treats me wonderfully. I have no reason to look elsewhere, nor do I want to look elsewhere, so the above comments and the way my ex feels about me doesn't make me want or not want to be there for him.
Well, if he thinks it will hurt him more for you to be there he is probably right...if he still wants to be with you, to see you and know that you were with someone else would be tough, and might delay his letting go and moving on. It might help him though, to know that you care about him, and demonstrating this care in some way other than being with him might be helpful. Maybe send him a letter expressing that you care and that you valued the relationship (if you did). After I was dumped once my ex told me in detail how valuable our relationship was to her, even though it wasn't meant to be with us. It didn't wipe away my pain instantly but helped my self esteem a bit. Beyond that, you don't have the duty or the ability to give him what he needs, I'm guessing. Best of luck.
I dont think there really is anything you can do for him. Hes not being realistic with himself and i know this might make you feel a bit guilty but what he needs is help. If he not able to move on and accept that things werent working he needs to seek out professional mental advice. I am sort of in the same boat as this guy unfortunately. Because i broke up a week ago its just that my ex never fully explained the full extent of her decisions with me. She made them too general and left alot for me to obsess about what went wrong. I guess.. i really cant expect her to explain everything and i dont even know if it would help or why i feel like i need it. So i guess what he needs is just to move on and forget about you the best he can cause thats the only real way i think people can ever get better.
He was in Florida for some training for work and I guess things got really bad down there. He ended up in the hospital (he didn't tell me details) and now he's on tons of meds because he stopped "feeling"...now he's just pacing around the house and he can't think or do anything. It sounds really scary and I feel responsible. I know I won't help the situation, but there's so much going on within him, he's lost all of his friends. His family is helpful, but they don't quite "get" him. It's sad.
I think as much as it hurts to step away, I would stay away. I know, I am the same way. I want to help, but you can't. It would only make things worse on him in the long run.
I just feel really guilty and I want to fix it. I think I was a Catholic in a past life. I always feel guilty about things
Honestly, he's not really that kind of person. I thought of that...and that just doesn't seem like him. He normally prides himself in being self sufficient and healthy...when we were together, he wouldn't even take TYLENOL, so for him to admit, he's taking some hard meds...It's SHOCKING...and I don't think he'd lie about it. Although, the possibility is there. However, if it was a ploy, don't you think he would WANT me around?
But he's telling you to back off as a test to see if you still care about him or not... Possibly... I don't know him, but it is a possibiity.
Anything is possible, but if you try to help him you risk messing up your current relationship. If you decide to get back into your ex's life make sure you talk to your partner about it and explain why you are doing it.
I certainly would never do anything behind my current boyfriend's back. I wouldn't ever want to lose him due to something like this, especially.
Annie I am in a similar situation of sorts, it is best just to let it be. Because it can never go back to the way it was. And even if we could go back, would we want it to? No, if we go back to hanging out, etc then things will fall back to the way they were. You can't feel responsible for how things are with him, he choose to do what he did. Just let it be, I know you are sad, fuck I am too but you will be more sad if you try to have this work. Ya know what I mean? edit- you don't have to stop caring. You will always love your ex and sometimes it is hard to let things go, I have a hard time with my ex sometimes but it best just to continue on the seperate pathes.
well some people need to be left alone, cuz they are just looking for attention and need to get the hell over it. trust me i had a friend that was in his situation and it sounds exactly the same as the one i know. so all in all, don't listen ignore him
honestly, this is his problem. he WANTS you to feel sympathy in hopes that it will turn into deeper feelings. and say you do go back to him- it would be a relationship built on insecurities and somewhat jealousy. you already know the healthiest thing you can do- just forget about him. if hes a good guy then he deserves someone who likes him because she WANTS to, not because they want him to stop feeling sorry for himself. just leave him alone. tell him off easy first, but hey- if you have to get mean, get mean. this is over so make sure it ends. good luck!
my ex's mother called me and asked if i could find some time and meet with her... We broke up almost a year ago, and it really wasn't an easy breakup.... It took him 4 months to understand that we are not together anymore... He messed himself completely. Wanna trade? 'cause i sure do!
Annie, I think anyone who has been dumped instantaneously before will know the kind of shock that comes with it. Did you mention that you moved away to school? He hasn't had the chance to see you since then or not much? It's very likely that he's still in love with the MEMORY of you. Not you. As you would probably have changed since then - new location, new life, new relationship. It took me a long time to get over an ex and even after the breakup I told him to please let me know when he was seeing someone else. Sounds odd, but it did help. Knowing that his heart was somewhere else, and I mean TRULY somewhere else and with someone else helped ME understand it was over. This may not work for everyone, but that was my own experience. He may not even recognize you for you as you are right now. But he has to want to get better and move on with his life no matter how bad it is. If he doesn't want to, that's when I would suggest professional help. I hope that helps.
"Not Proud" doesn't mean jack. You've already made/acted on your decision concerning your ex. Can't turn back the Hands of Time... can't fix what broke. All you can do is not subject another Huma NVM - I'm not sure if this Thread's subject is hitting Home or if it's all the cding here...
Frankly, the situation is over...he's a complete basket case...I'm over trying to be nice, because he's just turned into this sociopath, obsessed over himself.
Ah man, sorry to hear that, Annie...I know how that can be in a weird sort of way. One of my ex's best friends has been obsessed with me for years now and everytime we talk, he always brings it back to how he's in love with me and how horrible his life is because I'm happily in love and not with him. He's an alcoholic who can't stay out of jail, blah blah blah... And (this I myself am not proud of, lol) when my last boyfriend broke up with me in a sort of spontaneous moment (at the height of a speed addiction, he went crazy and just dropped out of life altogether, dumped me, quit his job, cut ties with family...), it nearly drove me off the edge. I went absolutely insane, my friends stopped having much to do with me, and every single thing I ever said was related to Doug. He doesn't know how nuts I went (the school counselor actually tried to admit me to the local mental institution), but had I told him, I know it would have simply been to make him feel bad. It's weird how it all turned out with us, though, now we hang out pretty regularly (with my boyfriend there, too, of course) and he told me I was the "perfect ex-girlfriend." Haha, that's too weird, I thought I was crazy psycho. But yeah, it's definitely good that you broke your ties with him. That's definitely for the best. If he's going to start an unhealthy obsession, you definitely want nothing to do with that.
