i take pride in my body. overweight, shredded by stretch marks and scarred by an emergency c-section. i had been fat, except after strenuous efforts in my late teens, early twenties, since i was 13, and i hated myself. but then my pregnancy. pre-ecclampsia, which can hit ANY woman,fit or fat, nearly lost me my baby. but i prayed, and i laid on my left side for 8 months. suddenly my fat had a purpose. i was home alone, i was not allowed to get up to make food, and we were so broke, there was not much to make. my baby fed well off my body until someone could get home and cook some food for me. i couldn't eat much of it anyway. but i held on for as long as i could. then there was that easter sunday, my bloated, squishy, very sick body wheeled up for yet another blood test and blood pressure cuff. i wasn't due for another month, but i was retaining so much water, getting so sick. i delivered my baby through an emergency c-section a couple days later, terrified that my baby's lungs were not ready. but she was hale and hearty, her body stressed enough by my blood pressure to develop somewhat early. you should have seen the ubilical cord! it was massive! she looked to be full term, though she weighed only 6lbs 10 oz. and the breast-feeding. my blood pressure was destroyed, but since childhood it had never been all that good. i couldn't take medicine for it, because i was determined to breast feed. i did, for 8 months, still under doctor's orders to chill, do not diet, walk only when necessary, no strenuous activity. finally it got to be way too high, i had to ween my baby, go on medication. i was so massive! life was so miserable, but my baby was a glory. now, 2 years after my baby was born, i'm effortlessly shedding weight, getting stronger, medicated. and i look in the mirror at my chubby body and ruined waistline and think "i did it. i did good." i'm undeniably female. rounded belly, stretch marks, breasts reduced in size by breastfeeding, arms and shoulders increased in size by carrying around my baby all the time, small lines about my face from all the fears and fevers. great big smile lines from all the joy. centered and focused on the health and well-being of another person like i never have been before. i'm more beautiful than i ever was killing myself in the gym to fit into those stupid size 6 pants. i'll never be a size six, but my baby thinks i'm the most comfortable cuddle in the world, and my husband looks at me with such pride and adoration. it would be supremely disrespectful to the two people i love most in the world, as well as to god, to not love the way i look.
hey lady! that was truly beautiful. almost brought a tear to my eye, it is hard to beleive the things we do for beauty when we a young. but its great when you are at a point in you life when you are happy with your body, and proud of what you have accomplished with it. i wear my stretch marks with pride too.
thank you. i only wish it would happen more often. you know, i always figured, as a christian, that God must be both male and female, combined in one. how else could he (for convenience) be so fully loving, complete, and the creator of life?
Blessings to you, KC. Blessings to your mama body which nurtured those babies through hard times. Blessings to you who risked your own life for the babies. I am feeling good about your triumph! Love.
it is wonderful to know that we can see thru society's images of ourselves to the beauty and the truth of who we truely are! that was beautiful!
thank you, maggie. i'm very emotional today, being OTR. another painful but necessary part of being a woman. perhaps today i won't be so annoyed by it, be able to take some pride in it. i wonder, sometimes, over myself. i'm forever being touched and tweaked and kissed by random strange females. men look at me as if i'm some mystical sexual shrine or are totally terrified of me. i wonder if it's because i am so unabashedly female, so rounded, so unashamed of my sexuality and my body. i wonder if it's some jungian memory of the times when the obese female statuettes of the mother were worshipped and revered. my female acquaintances treat me like some sexual good luck charm. beautiful women ask me to dance with them or hold them and listen to me like i know what i'm talking about. maybe it's some instinctual understanding we expect from mothers. it's intimidating, because i know i'm just me. but i know i'm a very centered person most of the time. sometimes i can just feel my aura crackling with power. i've seen other women do this, too, and i'm in such awe of them. so often i'm filled with such love for women that i don't understand why sometimes i'm filled with such revulsion for them. why? i remember this boy, the most beautiful boy i've ever seen. and he fell in love with the most massive woman i've ever seen. her hair was frizzy, her face not perfect. but she was like a magnet! her charisma and strength so obvious. i didn't understand at the time how he could look at her with such plain adoration, but i was young and totally occupied with getting thin. i understand now.
Yea.. i was born a christian altho now i see myself believing in everything... and i though God must be both male and female combined in one.. glad to know that there are other like you who see life that way as well ...i need to get more educated on women issues.... so plz plz... dun get mad at me when i ask what are stretch marks.... i'm just tryin to get close with all my girl friends and learn to help them deal with such issues.. and when they talk abt stuff like stretch marks i'd like to contribute and know whats goin on ..... any answer is appreciated... thnx
sorry to have cross-posted above.. i found my answer in this thread of the same forum..... but thanks anywayz
that was lovely KC.... I also have come to not just accept my body, but celebrate it...... my body gave life to 2 wonderful little people. What a profound gift we have as women, to create and nurture life. Now at the age of 47, my arms sag a bit, but my daughter loves them....she says they are so soft and squishy, very cuddly.....my kids always want to snuggle with me because my skin is soft and squishy......it just makes me smile inside. It's a wonderful feeling, when you reach the point in your life when you become very comfortable with yourself, both inside and out. I have reached that point and it is wonderful... "Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are, is to get to that place where you don't have to be anything else." ..
That was very beautiful... thank you so much for taking the time to share that with us. So there's hope I can one day end this stuff I put myself through. I DON'T WANT to live like I did before. Being thin was an obsession, and the more you obsess, the harder it is to lose weight, because it's the entire focus of your life. But, even more than I want to not be controlled and plagued anymore, I want to be thin. Even when I'm not throwing up anymore and eating throughout the day, I would guess I think about being thin more than anything else. That's SICK, I know. It's terrible, it's a crime and it's a slap in the face to everyone suffering from hunger because they cannot afford food, everyone suffering from real weight related health issues, every person who I've told that it doesn't matter what you look like. Because I can't believe that the rest of the world isn't that shallow. THat I don't deserve anything because I failed and am bigger than my friends. And I don't think I can ever be comfortable with myself, happy and adjusted and at peace, until I'm satisfied with my weight. This view is everything I hate, but I CANNOT HELP IT. And I cannot win. I'm sorry to clutter this nice empowering thread with my own little sobstory, but everyone seems so compassionate here I just had to let it out somewhere I'm not alone.
