....those that are able to move on quickly following the end of a relationship. I'm just not wired that way. I had my first 'date' on Friday. I had hung out with this girl in social settings a few times and had a lot of fun, but this was the first time we went and did something just the two of us and it felt completely weird to me. So, I pretty much clammed up, felt like I didn't have a whole lot to say, which is certainly not me - I'm generally fairly outgoing. I also got sick from something I ate at the restaurant which didn't help, but still me not having something to say is not the norm. Now as it turns out, I don't think that this girl is really my type anyway. She's very attractive, smart and we share similar interests, but I don't know something just didn't seem there. Because of this, I'm not really bummed that I was more than likely perceived by her as a boring date and I highly doubt that there will be any more dates with her. I guess what I'm getting at is that, following a break up, it usually takes me anywhere from six months to a year or more before I feel comfortable with the idea of being intimate with another woman. I think part of my problem is that I have a hard time letting go. Even when I'm rational about why a previous relationship didn't work, whether its incompatibility, they treated me poorly or I fucked up - my heart has a tendency to forget all those things and only remember the good times. Because of this, it takes forever to let go of the past and move towards building something with a new girl. I mean I can know for certain that a previous lover wasn't the right one for me and me not the right one for her, yet I still have difficulty in putting the past behind me. I have had a couple of stints after abstaining from sex for a year or more that I've had meaningless sex with a few girls in a short period of time where it was easy to forget the previous lover, but following a deep connection it takes me a very long time. Anyone else have a hard time being comfortable with dating someone new where it takes such a very long time? In this most recent case of mine, it hasn't even been four months, so not very long at all. I do however know from past experiences that it will probably be a year or longer before I'm comfortable with the idea of being with someone new. Anyways, as the title says, I'm jealous of those of you out there who can move on quickly and welcome new love into your lives. For some of us, its a very difficult thing to do.
I am jealous of those who can move on quickly as well. I have a hard time with moving on as well. And like you said, tend to think of the good instead of the bad unless I am upset. Deep connections are hard to find with people, and I am still searching. I can say though that each experience is a learning on. The one you had will be one you will learn from, you are smart enough to know what happened in your past relationship but that doesn't always mean you can move on. You know how you feel, so just go with the flow of it. Don't do anything until you are ready, testing the waters is good though. I don't know how I am wired completely but moving on isn't part of me, I am getting better at it but I still have my moments.
The secret to moving on quickly is experience. The more times you've gotten owned in a relationship, the less time it takes to recover. I've noticed this trend in myself. The first time it took me 3 months, and I only saw the person twice (it was an eFling -- you might call it that). And henceforth, it was a month, or a couple weeks ... I'm down to a couple days, methinks. And it's about time.
Wait until you are in a long realtionship I don't think that is applicable. I was in one for three years, I don't think I can just move on in a few months.....
I think that's true for some, but not all. It's certainly not experience for me. I'm 30. I've been in love six times in my life with these relationships lasting from five months to six years, my most recent being just over ayear. I've been intimate with more women than that, so I know the difference in my heart between those I've lusted for and those I've loved. I appreciate your input, but this isn't a matter of experience. Its just the way I'm wired and I'm sure there are others like me out there who have had similar experiences.
im the same way. but i am seriously picky....perhaps to a fault so when i get in a relationship with someone its because they are special to me and im very comfortable with them. so when it ends, its not really hard for me to "move on" but being with other guys is sort of weird to me. i dont have that same comfort level with them and so it's just like whats the point? i'd rather be totally single than be dating people just for the "dating" factor. having said that, up untill a couple of years ago i'd been in a relationship or had been dating someone since i was 12. i prefer being single right now.
I don't know, a sixth month honeymoon relationship is one thing, but when it starts getting into years I think it's a little different. But anyways, when it comes to typical long term relationships, I definitely don't envy those who truly get over someone they "loved" in a matter of days or weeks... I don't think it's healthy, and from my experience, at least, people who move on like that tend to have something else wrong with them. It did take me an unusually long time to move on from my last relationship, though... almost two years; and I even went into therapy to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It didn't take long to figure out it wasn't what was wrong with me, it's what was wrong with her. She was one of those who could move on like you've described... and that was only the tip of the iceburg...
Those dating years seem so long ago but the memories are still very fresh in my mind. I've only been in 3 serious relationships. The 3rd one was a winner. lol Joking aside it was very hard to move forward between breakups. I dated, had one night stands but nothing ever lasted or felt right. I knew deep down I was just trying to fill that void while I felt lonely. If I didn't feel that "spark" I didn't keep the relationship going. For me I knew right away. There is a certain special feeling I remember having. Maybe you haven't had enough time to heal Ryan. There is nothing wrong with that or anything wrong with you. You have a lot of feelings still on the surface. Maybe once those have subsided some your eyes will open to something that could be right in front of you or soon to come.
