"traditional" womens' roles and such...

i've always loved traditional womens' crafts/arts/tasks of all sorts- sewing, crocheting, embroidering, gardening, cooking, decorating, and even cleaning at times. it's honestly just a big part of both who i am and how i've grown up, and i don't feel there's anything wrong with it. however, i get the impression at times that it's somehow not acceptable as a woman to be content with such things. to further complicate matters, i've begun getting from people that to make my primary goal in life to be a wife and mother someday would be a waste of a considerable amount of intellectual potential. i'm currently quite frustrated by the fact that virtually any college plans i'm tossing around in my head would or at least potentially could interfere with my hopes of being a wife and mother hopefully within a couple of years. it's looking like my decisions as far as career and school are going to come down to how long the degree will take and whether or not it's something i could do married with kids.

guess i'm just wondering what y'all's opinions on the matter were. do you think it's wrong that i'm entirely possibly going to pass up some significant opportunities to pursue a family and such? where do you believe a woman's ultimate fulfullment lies- in a career or in the home or perhaps both or neither?

 

Do what feels right for you.

Peace & Love

 

think about your plans, and make other plans in case those fall through. You never know what the future has in store for you. Getting a college education might come in really handy someday, for any one of a number of different reasons, even if you end up being a stay at home mother. What if you decide the public schools are just not right for your children? Do you live in a state that allows anyone to homeschool, or would you need a college degree to do it? If you do not have that degree, you might have to register with a religious umbrella school, and how would you feel about that? And even if that is the current law, you never know what the law will be ten years from now, or where you might be living (especially if you marry a man whose job relocates him). What if something happens to your husband? What if you are unable to have children? There are lots of things that could throw a wrench in your plans.


I am fully satisfied with being a wife and mother. But I do have my college degree, and I don't regret finishing school one little bit. I did it for ME, for the sense of accomplishment, to prove that I could finish something I started. And... for the record, I went back and got my degree after my first marriage fell apart. For me, 21 was way too young to be getting married. Might be you are not like me at all. Might be that you really do find that prince charming, but even so, you can't count on a man to make you happy, you are the only one responsible for making yourself happy.

 

there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a wife and a mother. If anyone gives you shit for that they dont deserve to be your friend. You arent wasting any intellectual potential. Do what YOU want. It is your life. You owe no one anything and dont feel that you have to become a rocket scientist to prove something. There is nothing more important that you can do than to be a good parent.

With that said, you can do a lot as a mother/wife. My mother went went to college and law school while she was a mother/wife. Is it easy? Nope. But, it can and has been done.

 

there are plenty of post-secondary options taht you could take that would be great for a future family too, and be something to fall back on if the need arises. Nutrition, home economics, kiniseology, event planner... all are great things that can help your home be more balanced,and somethign that can bring in extra income if the need should arise

 

i don't think it is wrong at all it is something i have been thinking for many years as well but i have decided i am going to get some kind of degree just in case i need something to fall back on in the later future

 

If that's what you want, there's nothing wrong with it. True feminism means women have the right to choose what they want to do with their lives and skills and talents, and be respected and failry compensated.


You can make a good living being crafty, too! As much as I hear people bitch about Martha Stewert, I think she's the bomb, because not only is she doing what she loves, she's making a load of money doing it. That is personal fulfillment!

 

I like Martha Stewart too. she helped me learn to cook! Now if only I could get her pumpkin carvings down.

 

Girl!!!! Where have you been?

 

As a woman currently dealing with the situation you're heading for, let me tell you my thoughts: Do what feels right for you.

I left college after one year with the idea that I'd become a resident of the state I'd travelled to, and then enter university again. But in the mean time, I've become pregnant and an going to be married. And I'm really happy with this situation. Because as much as I love my education, what I've always wanted to do was be a wife and mother. But I've always felt pressure from everyone around me to "be more" and not "squander my potential".

But frankly, as far as I'm concerned, I'm in the prime years of my life to have healthy pregnancies. Fertility and pregnancy health falter very early in my family. Most women are facing severe feminine complications by the time they enter their early thirties. If I'd continued toward my doctorate degree, I'd have given up my dream of ever being a mother (a birth mother). And my brain? It won't ever rot.

I'm not going to give up on my education. It is important to me as well as my family. But I don't have to be 18-22 to get my degree. I can be in my 30s, 40s, 50s. Hell, I could be 80 and still be trying for it.

What I would do, in your situation, is apply to college. Take a little time. Don't rush marriage and pregnancy. Let it come naturally. But when it comes, your college plans can take a backseat until you feel comfortable pursuing them again. But if you happen to get your degree before you get married, then you've got something out of the way.

 

I had no dsl! It sucked. No internet forever.

I'm going through a nasty divorce and the ex tried to hold onto the computer. I got it back from him though.

 

I think if that's what you want to do then, go for it.

Some women are content being domestic, and others aren't...and some like a balance of both.

I used to strongly push myself against the domestic side, because I didn't want to end up any man's maid..... but, now that I'm growing up, I see that it's ok to have the best of both worlds.

I like to cook ...sometimes, but not all the time. I like certain crafts, and I LOVE gardening... but, it's not something I could make a life with, or be happy doing all the time; so I plan on keeping a job, and selling art on the side-- or if I can ever afford it, I want to go to school for teaching, and art so I can be an art teacher [That's what I really want, but I doubt I'll ever have money for that]

Anyway the point is... don't let anyone tell you what to do, or hold back on what you want. Everyone is different. As long as you're happy, that's all that should matter. I say, just as with any big, life decision though---make sure it's what you really want

 

Yes, but for some people it really is a big deal. Like, art is MY passion---and if I achieved a career in art.... it WOULD be a big part of my life, and who I am, because of that.

However, if I work where I do now, as a secretary for the rest of my life then I just consider it my "job"

I think the difference between a career in a job is that... a career is something you love, and want to do for the rest of your life---and a job is just something you take, to make money.

But, that's just my opinion. I mean, of course, that particular interest isn't ALL of who you are.... but if you consider something like that, to be your passion...then what is so wrong about making it a big deal that way?

 

It is such a hard decision and often not one men have to make. ("Gee, should I have children, or go to law school?") I gave up Medical School, because, I knew I could not be both a good mama AND a good doctor. Also, I wouldn't have started on my having babies until my 30s (nothing wrong with that for most people, but my mom had serious fertility problems which could not be remedied in the 60s and 70s and lost her uterus to a hysto and severe endometriosis at 35.) I had to have my kids, and had to give up medical school.

I don't regret it, just wish I could have had MORE time every day, so I could have had both.

I did finish my undergrad degree before I had kids, and finished my MS (first one) while I had little ones. But, that was not as tough as medical school.

 

No, but men may have to face the choice of "do i get a PhD" and earn absolutely nothing for the rest of my life(doing what i want) or get a job so i can support my family? But that is neither here, nor there...

I think women too often look at it as an either/or scenario. Many women(as you did) go to school and take care of kids at the same time. My mother completed her undergrad and went to law school while having a child. Universities are a lot more open and helpful towards parents than they once were.

 

Men do have the same problem. A husband might have to work while their wife goes to school and attend college after she is done, when she is in the workplace. My brother in law is doing this right now. He is working construction while his wife is finishing school for an education degree. I don't think this is an issue that can be divided between genders. BOTH genders have the same issues, especially if they are married. It would be SIGNIFICANTLY more difficult if a single parent was struggling with school and supporting his or her self and a child(ren). More often than not a single parent is female, but that is not necessarily the case. I think it unwise to turn this into an issue based upon gender.

And Megara, once you have a PhD, you will make money. The only salaries that are increasing are those of college graduates and Phd's. I don't understand why you stated that you would "earn absolutely nothing for the rest of my life (doing what I want)" Where did that come from? People who have PhD's make significantly more than those who don't, even if they do have post graduate schooling ie Masters. Do you mean while in earning the PhD one wouldn't have money? Could you explain where you got that from?

Peace & Love

 

very well said.

Try and find a job as a classics professor..the jobs are almost non existant. More often than not they have to work at high schools teaching latin(the few that still actually teach latin). Schools are opting for more adjunct professors(i.e. they make DICK) instead of full time professors. The average full time professor in America makes about 51,000 dollars. By the time you're 90 you might actually pay off your undergraduate loans and can begin working on owning your very own car.

Sure, you can make a lot of money as a person with a PhD in chemical engineering or something. One of my friends started out with 120k+ job as one. Humanities professors arent so lucky.

I'm not continuing my classics degree any further than a BA because the job outlook is non existant. 5-7+ years of living in absolute poverty...with the hope that i can be one of 300 applications for a part time professor at some 4th rate school? No thank you.

Now where is the relevancy? Say i'm about to enter my first year as a PhD candidate and i get my wife pregnant. What are my options? Work my ass for 5-7+ years being unable to support myself let alone a wife and a kid or quit and get a real job? Well, putting food on the table would be my responsibility, NOT learning homeric similies. My brother just had to put his education plans on the backburner since he found out his gf is pregnant.

 

From what I have read, once you reach tenure, salary goes up a lot more. I found this website: http://www.mcmaster.ca/academic/humposts.cfm They quote $51,000 as the miniumum salary for an Assistant professor. Maybe there might be hope for you if that's what you want as a career. It really depends on the university and your qualifications. Let's settle on this: working as a Professor makes more than, say, working at McDonald's. And $51,000 is nothing to frown upon... But I digress.

And yes, this isn't a gender issue. The husband must sacrifice as much as the wife when she is pregnant. Then again, there is always getting a position as a TA, what I plan to do while in grad school. Hey, $13,000 a year is much better than $7 an hour for 40 hours a week. The world is too complicated and the national education budget has been cut, which does help parents go to school.

Peace & Love

 

I love to crochet, knit, cook, bake, garden, sew, embroider, cross-stitch, and take care of kids! I can't wait to be a mom in a couple years!

 

i actually do agree with you on this one very much....
it's really tempting to get a degree just so i can say i have one, and perhaps have some hard evidence that i really am good at something! my real passion is for philosophy on an intellectual level, and for crafty, domestic stuff on a practical level. but a philosophy degree? as much as i'd probably enjoy getting one, i've got no idea what i'd do with it! ehh...the pressure to be an educated, productive adult....