I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and i keep getting unnecessarily jealous of his past! I'm 18, 19 this year, he's 22. He's forgotten his past, being as now I'm in his life. But there's loads of little things hes told me that I think about too much and get stupidly jealous over stuff. For example, he's already had a baby. He was tricked into the pregnancy however as the girlfriend didn't tell him she came off the Pill. But him having a baby, it ruins my dreams of us 2 having a first-born child together. He doesn't see his baby anymore, since they broke up 4 years ago. I know it must sound really selfish, he's had to put up with a lot of shit with the pregnancy, and here I am getting jealous over it. But I must be too immature to even consider being OK about it... Its not him, its me. I can't accept what happened in his past, according to him, he's completely forgotten about it. There's a lot of other things I get unnecessarily jealous about, how do I stop it? I really don't wanna put strain or anything on our relationship, as he is the best person I've ever known. Please help me!!
this is going to sound mean and harsh but grow up. Think about the CHILD. Not him, not her, not that bad crap that went on inbetween. Let down your guard, there is no reason to hate a child for reasons they(the child) can't help. Worry and obsessing over things like this usually mean we have insecurities and issues that need to be dealt with. Whats done is done, life goes on. We can only hope that this poor kid is raised right and cared for, right? Keep your heart open because the real victim in the situation sounds like it is the child who was born out of this mess. Your guy may have been tricked but he still did the deed, dated the woman, ect. I feel bad for him but I'm sure if hes a good guy he'll move on and the past shouldn't matter. Your very young still, just take it easy and look at the whole picture and all of those involved. Think about how the others felt, how would you have? Try doing that to let go. Take a deep breath and just live. I hope he takes care of his child at least. And hun, does it really matter that much he has a kid? What is so wrong with that? You can't have everything in life you want, thats apart of being human. Mistakes are made, good comes from bad and vice versa. Just remember that the child had no doing in any of this is all I can say I guess...and having any jealousy and obsession with this situation at all if you mean to or not is directed at the victims of the issue.
maybe i didn't stress this much... I am not angry at the child. I do not hate the child in any way. I even consider the child my responsibilty, and I have so much respect and compassion for him. I just get jealous that his ex gave him the best gift a partner could give before me, and it was all for the wrong reasons. I just want someone to understand me, seriously, I didn't come on this forum to be told to grow up... I just wanna get my feelings across... Right?
This is a little harsh, so my apologies. Shit happens. So his ex is a lying bitch who tricked him into having a baby. So what? Why are you so upset about it? Because he had sex with another woman and got her pregnant? Or because you didn't have his first child? Why does it matter? I have to agree with Earthy Mama. Answer these questions and you might learn more about why you feel the way that you do. Peace & Love
Everyone has had a past, you can't change it, you can only accept it and learn from it But I do second what Earthy Mama said. In this set of four people, that child is the most important one hands down. I feel really sorry that you said he doesn't see his kid much at all, hasn't in the last 4 years. Even a part-time dad who loves his kid is better than none at all. Maybe instead of being so jealous over what happened between him and this chick, you could work towards bringing all of you guys together, and to creating a warm, happy, positive environment for that kid. When you post online, you're going to get responses, even if they aren't what you wanted to hear. That's the peril of posting online.
no, I'm sure you came to the forums for outside views and prespectives of people... that is what you got. I don't know you and I won't sugar coat things. Seriously, take a step back and read what you wrote... Like I said, it was going to sound mean but its not meant to be insulting.
I would be more upset about the fact that my boyfriend hasn't seen his child in four years...what example is he setting for when/if you two have children?
THANK YOU! These were my thoughts exactly. Sounds like your bf is more of a dirtbag than his ex is... First of all...you can't blame your bf's ex for getting pregnant. It takes two and he sure has heck could have used a condom and not only that...but this also means he's had unprotected sex. I hope you guys have gotten tested lately. Your ex obviously doesn't give two shits about his kid or else he'd see the child. What does that say about him? That he's a deadbeat. Who cares if you two have "first borns" together. A child is a precious thing...who really cares what order he/she is born? Does that make them less lovable? "ruins your dream"? Sounds overly dramatic. Grow up...(yup I said it, because you need to.) Your bf went through a lot of shit through the ex's pregnancy? How about the his ex? She had to carry a baby that would eventually not have his/her father coming around...oh yeah...your BF went through soooooooo much shit alright. Try nine months of pregnancy. So he forgot about his past? Even his own kid? Wow...what a loser. You're right, you are immature... Cracks me up that gf's always blame their bf's ex girlfriends for everything...LOL cracks me right up. Men who blame everything on their ex's are usually the ones that made the most mistakes in the relationship. This post probably sounds really mean, but men who don't see their children rub me the wrong way.
I understand what your saying. You dont want to change his past, you just want to know how to deal with it, and being told to grow up isnt exactly the clearest or most helpfull answer. By the same token, I can see what the other forumers are saying here too, I mean suggesting that his having a child before ruins your dream tells me that this is more about your fantasy of the perfect life as opposed to your actual reality, that its not so much your boyfriend you love but the idea of what you want him to be, but I think theyre being a little harsh on you in some respects. I mean, you didnt ask for all this... babies and exes, but they're right love, everyone comes with a past. Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. I'm assuming you just want to feel like nothing can top you, like youre irreplacable and that you can offer him the world, and you probably want to hear that they fell short.... thats natural. Its up to you hon, you gotta decide what you can handle, and if hes too "experienced" for your comfort, then maybe you need to find someone who is more on your wavelength.
THANK YOU! someone who isn't a harsh evil internet addict. you lot all forgot im still only 17, and i dont actually give a fuck what you guys think. waste of time coming on here.
Oh, did we not give you the right advice? How about this: You are sooo right. He ruined everything by having a kid before he met you! That damn ex! How dare she trick him into getting her pregnant! He shouldn't even TRY to have a relationship with his child! Damn girl, get over yourself. There is an innocent child involved that essentially has no father. Stop being so damn selfish. You don't want the advice of "harsh evil internet addicts" don't seek it. You need to grow up a little before getting involved with people that have children.
Take it easy - there's plenty of guys around - try not to hang all your hopes on this one.I know what it feels like to be jealous - I used to be terrible - I even got jealous of our cat once cos it was getting all the attention ( long time ago haha ).Take a break from him and go out with your friends,is my advice.. for what it's worth..
Wait a minute...you're 17? I thought you were about to turn 19? Is this a typo or being truthful? Seriously, as a child that was the hated firstborn of a father that never came around, I can tell you that jealousy on your part is only going to make things worse. My step-mother was jealous of me from the moment she knew about me. So she did her best to make me "hers". She talked my father into kidnapping me, and then when left alone with me, she abused me horribly. I know this probably wouldn't be something you'd do, but you sounded a bit borderline for a moment there. As far as your bf, I agree with the others that say it seems that you're more in love with the IDEAL boyfriend than you are with the actual living breathing specimen before you. And he doesn't sound like such a catch. Any man that has a child and DOESN'T FIGHT TO SEE THAT CHILD AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE isn't a very good father. And you'd want him to be the father of your children? Seriously, if you can't be with a person that has a past including exes and children, you need to start looking more thoroughly at the people you want to date before you date them. If that sort of history makes you jealous, then establish a rule for yourself where you don't date a person that has children or been married or been in so many long-term relationships. But it's unfair to your boyfriend for you to feel jealous of things that are part of him. And it's frankly, not right.
grow up, that's it right there grow up. that wasn't his fault, it wasn't your fault, it was his ex's fault. about the first born child at least it'll be special for you just to have it with him. that's all i got to say.
