No baby then smack them

ok what i serious don't get is why some parents hit their kids for hitting kids they say "don't hit" and then smack them yet the are going totally against what they just said.. wouldn't that confuse the child and just say it wasn't ok and now it is... or something?? personally i would NEVER hit my kids if I had some....
but lets stay on topic here why do they do that to the kids why do they say no to something but then go against what they say

 

I totally agree

My parents used to hit me, so I know from personal experience what it is like. I've no intention of carrying that on. There are so many better ways.

 

i just caught myself doing something very similar with my son (not spanking, i would NEVER do that to him). he's been grabbing things out of other kids hands, and i've been yanking the toy out of his hands to give back to the other kid. THen it dawned on me, i'm just reinforcing what he's doing--i'm teaching him that as long as you're bigger than the other person, then you can grab stuff away from them. ACK!!! So, now, i ask him to give the toy or whatever back. it takes longer, but i think that there's a better message being taught. And i'm working on teaching him to use his words in the first place instead of grabbing.

 

Yeah smacking is NOT good. There's a tv show here called "Supernanny" and she teaches children how to behave. If they are badly behavied they are firstly warned, secondly told to sit on the naughty step in the hallway and thirdly toys are taken away and put in a box one by one. Once they start being good the toys are returned one by one. She teaches the parents to praise good behaviour and to appropiately and positively discipline bad bahaviour.


Love and peace x

 

I don't get it, either. My daughter who is 18 months old, likes to hit right now. I think she is just finding ways to express her anger and frustration at the person she is hitting because she can't verbally say it. I simply hold her hands and tell her hitting hurts and is wrong. Then, I tell her to give the person she hits (usually her sister!) a hug. Then, I have to explain to her sister what she did to piss the baby off! It's tiring sometimes, but more effective I think than my mom's suggestion of "popping her on the leg" OUCH!

 

i totally agree with you on that one... I mean thats a lot better then smacking your kid... I think of hitting your kid as a form of child abuse. My dad use to smack us and we told a social worker and she said that it was child abuse and gave him A bunch of movies to watch on not beating your kids... And she said that it is child abuse...

 

I support it. I think giving your kid a good wack or two is good for them when they deserve it. I know it did me good.

 

I think the concept behind that one is that if the hitting child feels the same kind of pain that he gave to the other child, then he will understand what it feels like to be hit and will sympathize and come to have compassion for the child that he hit, and hopefully by that learn that pain should not be dealt out as it is not in all pleasant.



Even barbaric parenting does have some rationalization behind it at least some of the time.

 

If hitting works, why is it abandoned once we reach adulthood? Why, if you hit a child it is discipline, but if you hit an adult it is battery? Where is the logic?


IMO, all hitting a child teaches is that if you are in power, you can hit to get your way. someone doesn't listen to you: hit them. Anyone ever here the phrase "I'll give you something to cry about..." as a child? I sure did, and it still haunts me.

 

small children(1-3) do not understand the concept of "sympathy" a one year old does not take a beating from mom and then sit there thinking "oh, so that is what it feels like when i hit other kids."

they hit out of frustration. they are not able to express themselves verbally yet, and they know it gets a reaction.
when you hit them, it is only teaching violence. it is never ok to teach a kid that it is ok for me (the big one) to hit you (the smaller one).
REDIRECT!!! never force them to do things but let them do it on their own. they are more likely when they are older, to walk away, if you let them walk away as a baby, instead of dragging them away.
and when they get to be 4 + then they are old enough to be talked to. but you have to have patience. don't yell and let it go, but get on their level. find out why they did it, and let them figure out what they could have done differently.
disceplining a child is A LOT of work. not something you can do with a smack on the hand or butt. that is just abuse.
--sweetpeace

 

I totally agree Sweetpeace

My mother would slap me and I honest can't remember what her reasons where on those occasions. I think it was mainly when I was having an insane hissy fit and she just snapped.

It might not have emotionally crippled me, but I really hate her for it.
It never taught me anything (or she wouldn't have needed to carry on for nine years) apart from pain, fear, humiliation and a warped sense of self righteousness.

I never hit other children (not in my nature) but can't imagine being hit myself would have done any good. If anything it reinforces the message that big people can hit little people. Which is exactly what you're trying to prevent. Surely I'm not the only one who sees a major inconsistency there.

Children learn by example, is that really the example you want to set?

 

I'd never ever hit my kids (if i had them) or any kid... I mean sure I use to have physical fights with my sister and brother... and now I do sometimes but hardly, I try not to because I know it hurts and is very mean and a example of abuse... We normally just yell our heads off at eachother but we hardly do that anymore.. but hitting a tiny little kid that can hardly defend him/herself is just terrible.. I could never hit a little kid. It teaches them that violence is ok...

 

what sweet peace said

 

I don't beleive in hitting kids either. One teaches by example. "Don't hit your brother." WHACK! It makes NO sense.

 

When I took my boy for a doc appontment once there was a family with two twin toddler boys there. That same thing happened they were telling me about it. How one kid hit the other kid that morning so the mom said she spanked him for it....wtf?! Ok first off kids don't get what we thingk they get out of spanking because their brains work different then ours. If people were more aware of what children really need and why they do what they do as developing beings I am sure they would not hit them. My cousin spanks his baby because he says he wants the kid to knows whos boss kinda thing.....I am the only one out of my friends with child and they asked me about it one time. I told them all no I don't do it and they all had the oposite opinion of mine...assuming spanking etc was the right thing to do..saying my kid will be out of control etc. Whatever man. It's just their own stupidity and I feel sorry for them and their kids someday.

 

Um, I was spanked growing up. I have a news flash for you guys: usually, when a child gets spanked- slapped on the bottom with the parents hand- it doesn't even hurt. Most of the times, kids cry because they're angry that they're being punished. I know that from experience. I barely even felt it when they did. And I never hit other kids. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but still...

 

I know what you mean...it is kinda hipicritical...but I think the reason could be that they lose control when they get angry and hit them and lose their word...parents normally hit their child when they get really angry at them when they do something real bad...I don't agree with hitting your kids but sometimes they call it...I mean it...I don't have any children, but I remember that I use to pist my mom off so bad that she would lose her temper and nearly hit me or slap me if I bad mouth her or something and then she would come up to me when she would cool down and apologize or something like that cause she felt bad..she's one of the believers of nonhitting also...I just think that parents need to learn how to control their temper...cause sometimes if they really lose control they could commit more than just a simple slap and abuse...they have to see beyond their anger and not let it control them...they have to see through the eyes of love even when they are angry...cause when you see through anger you are seeing through hatred..and that leads to harming..harming a loved one and then having the feelings of regret...parenting is a hard job...it's really difficult..sometimes I don't blame them for their mistakes or for losing their temper sometimes...

 

I totally agree. My mother would only slap in that kind of state. I can understand (to a point) but that doesn't excuse it.

Well you're parents must have done it wrong and/or you have lousy memory because I vividly remember how much it hurt. That was probably why I was so angry.

I never hit other kids eithier, apart from my brother. That was usually in the same circumstances my parents hit me (him being extra difficult and me just loosing it). A vicious cycle of sorts.
I haven't done that to him for ages though. Figuring I should get into good habits at this stage.

 

Hitting is wrong, period. It doesn't matter if it hurts or not. It is still teaching the child that hitting is how you get what you want or get someone to do what you want.

 

It doesn't matter if it "hurts" or not. It is disrespectful and degrading to HIT a child. Period. "HURT" is relative and has nothing to do with the long term or short term damage on bonding and attachment. Not to mention the message it sends kids, "When someone does something you don't like, you have the right to HARM them to get them to do what you say." Not the message most parents want to give their kids. Screaming "You are a good for nothing fuckhead!" to a child doesn't physically hurt either, and it may, for the moment stop an unwanted behavior, but the long term effects of parenting by this method aren't recommended at all. Same damn thing. Degrading and disrespectful. My dh does things I don't like, but I dont' HIT him to get him to stop. He and I can think of more imaginative ways to help each other understand what the other needs and feels without resorting to degradation and pain, WHY should you treat your child ANY different??

Personally, I think hitting is lazy. There are better ways to parent, but they take time, thought and input. Hitting is for lazy parents. People who just don't want to try to find out the right thing to do.

Fact is, there are plenty of people who raise, good, happy, well adjusted kids NEVER spanking, if THEY can, why can't everyone? Cuz some people are lazy, crappy parents, who don't bother to try. JMHO!!!!