Friendship with an ex--is it possible?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by SageDreamer, Mar 22, 2006.

  1. SageDreamer

    SageDreamer Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,464
    Likes Received:
    8
    Do you think it is possible to remain friends with an ex? What advice would you give someone who wants to do so?
     
  2. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Messages:
    9,183
    Likes Received:
    28
    IF you broke up on good terms. I would say it is possible.
     
  3. RetroGroove_Grrl

    RetroGroove_Grrl I'm a big girl now

    Messages:
    3,486
    Likes Received:
    23
    If neither of you has another relationship.
     
  4. ProzacBunny

    ProzacBunny Member

    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    1
    Yes it is. If you were friends before, and didn't have a terribly messy break up, then it's quite possible.
     
  5. ihmurria

    ihmurria fini

    Messages:
    17,892
    Likes Received:
    35
    yes...

    but spend a bit of time apart first, a week or two, and then start working on the friendship. Right after a break up, it's just too close, too soon, too tender to really deal with
     
  6. dhs

    dhs Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,304
    Likes Received:
    7
    I agree with what others have said, it really depends on the break up. I am friends, albeit not close friends because I moved away from home, with a few of my ex's. Others I am not friends with and its better for them and for me.
     
  7. Oz!

    Oz! Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Messages:
    3,617
    Likes Received:
    8
    i'm stereotyping here obviously, all relationships are different....

    but if you want to stay friends with an ex, one of the first things you need to understand is that all those plans/hopes/secrets etc you shared with them are now solely your own again, and not part of his/her life..... no matter how much they felt shared, or how much you want them to be shared.

    you have to move from the intimate back to the superficial
     
  8. barefoot beautiful

    barefoot beautiful Member

    Messages:
    321
    Likes Received:
    0
    definitely possible to a degree if you were friends before you dated, but it won't ever be exactly like it was before. in some ways it's almost like starting over from scratch with the friendship.
    other thing to watch out for is the tendency for the dating relationship to want to happen again. make sure you have clear boundaries for said friendship, and try to prevent it from becoming a relatively deep relationship.
     
  9. Brand New Soul

    Brand New Soul Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,052
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah its possible, but it won't be the same.. Or thats the way its been for me.
     
  10. annie0113

    annie0113 Member

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    its surely possible but of course it depends on both of you.. if the time healed the wounds of your broken relationship and moved on with your lives.. you can still be friends..

    all my EXes became my friends afterwards..
     
  11. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

    Messages:
    2,108
    Likes Received:
    2
    I'm friends with a couple of my exes, but not all of them, and especially not my ex husband. It totally depends on the nature of your relationship with them before and after the breakup, and what your motives are. People sometimes want to stay friends, in hopes of getting back together, that won't work. But if it's someone you have a really deep connection to, just not the romantical kind, yeah, you can be friends forever.
     
  12. deram_scholzara

    deram_scholzara Member

    Messages:
    243
    Likes Received:
    0
    It is possible on two conditions:
    1. You make it DAMNED CLEAR that you have no intention of ever getting back together with them and that "friends with benefits" is out of the question. Basically, you act like they're the opposite sex from what they really are (unless you're bi, then you act like they have quils on their genitalia).
    2. You don't date anybody else. But what are the chances of that?! Seriously, dating people is fun, anybody who gives that up just to maintain a friendship with an ex is an idiot. And the reason you can't be friends with them when you date, is because you should become mere accuaintences at that point, friendship with an ex is too deep and obligating to make your future partners deal with it.
     
  13. by_engineer

    by_engineer Member

    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    ý can say onethin about this topic ..........your old darling never is your friend forever becaus when relationships begin . darlings give some permission about his life and relations ....if one relation destroys darling never wanna to be all together an d they dont want to see each other anymore
     
  14. General Electric

    General Electric Member

    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think it's possible only when both people have no desire to form the relationship again.
     
  15. ledzeppelinlover

    ledzeppelinlover Member

    Messages:
    471
    Likes Received:
    1
    it can totally work out. me and my ex are actually best friends, sounds weird but we are. trust me it can totally work out.
     
  16. passanger

    passanger Member

    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'd like to see one friendship that worked....
    No ex can be your friend... Ever....
    The spirits of the past will hunt you all the way...
    Impossible, i know it for sure...
    Maybe if it wasn't a really deep relationship, and if both of you don't regret about the breakup and can really detach yourself from the past...
    May i repeat?
    Practically impossible
     
  17. Butters

    Butters Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,468
    Likes Received:
    1
    I have 2 exes. One I'm really close friends with, and she even has a boyfriend now too, and the other, well, we despise each other, haha. So I geuss its possible...sometimes. [​IMG]
     
  18. dilligaf

    dilligaf Banned

    Messages:
    3,409
    Likes Received:
    1
    why wouldnt it be???... just keep it out of the bedroom or it will cause trouble,,,, hell unless yer realchummy still i would leave the whole new man new woman n sex completely out.... specially if its a new break up ,,,, ..
     
  19. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Messages:
    5,409
    Likes Received:
    626
    Ex-wife or ex-girlfriend?
    I'm trying to get there with my ex-wife. Not yet divoced, but she moved out a year ago. The main things I see in my situation is that we agree about the money. No kids (thank God), so seeing her does not immediatly bring up conflicts.

    Another factor is that we are both trying to have a good divorce. Neither of us wants to "win".

    Finaly, I'm getting to the point where my thinking of her reminds me of the good times (at the start of our relationship) rather than (or in addition to) the bad times that ended our marriage.

    I would say that trying to have a civilized divorce is a path that might lead to a friendship. I also wouldn't try to rush the friendship, give yourself and her time to hate each other for a while before trying to become friends again.
     
  20. BigKing

    BigKing Member

    Messages:
    219
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im friends with all my Ex's, dont know wether thats a good or a bad thing realy.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice