Can you love 3 men at the same time? I have to make a choice among 3 people that I feel very attracted to and I need your advice. I've been with Tom (33) for 1 year and a half and he's my best friend in the whole world, we talk about anything and he know everything about me, our sexual life is beautiful because we feel so good together. I opened myself to him like to no one else before. Tom is friendly, funny, intelligent and talkative, we have a strong emotional connection. John (25) is something new that showed up a week ago. He's around my age (1 month younger actually) and drawed my attention with his youth, strength and enthusiasm of the man who's just at the beginning of the life's road. I've been with him a couple of times and I was excited about the opportunity to try something new. But then I felt horrible because of Tom and I haven't spoken to John for some days now. If I give this thing a chance it's gonna be cool, because I really like him a lot, but then I'll lose Tom and all the confidence we built between us. Plus I don't think John and I will ever meet, intellectually speaking. Still I'm craving to see him and it's getting very hard and I will give up soon and date him again. Norman(36) is my ex love, I've been with him 3 years ago and our relationship was great. He's brilliant, and has a refined sexuality that's very hard to resist. I bumped into him around one month ago and he suggested we should try again. I would like that. The communication between us was great and the sexual attraction's perfect even now. I loved him a lot and I still do, as I know him very well and know everything about his personality and fears and all. And vice versa. I want him as well because I know it will be wonderful to be with him again. Who would you pick? Thanks for reading, Shirley
Well I'm bad with relationships, but I'd say that the 1 week or the 2 week guy should be out. I could be wrong, he may be the best out of all 3 of them, but since you haven't known him that long you don't really have a true picture of him yet...to see his flaws and all that. You never know what could turn up. I'd say go for the ones that you know the most about. But then that depends on what you want. Do you want someone that's comfortable and you know really well, or do you want to start with a clean slate, someone that's new in every way? Think on that one. I say step back from the picture, don't have any of these guys in mind, and think about what YOU want for yourself...everything you want in a relationship. Then when you're done deciding that, take a look at the 3 men and see who fits best for those wants, who meets most of them.
Everything you said is true and that's the way I should go if I weren't so subjective in this matter. My dilemma is getting bigger with every day that passes and I'm torn apart among these 3 men. I've met Norman yesterday and John today. Tom is always here... And I don't know where I should be and what I should feel. Somehow I want to have them all at the same time and even if that's stupid and selfish, I gave this idea a thought, that I could love them all. Do you think that's so bad? What should I do? I crave something new, I need something old and I couldn't live without what I already got... Isn't that the whole philosophy of life, not choosing but adding? That sounds desperate, I'm so undecided! XOXO Shirley
I have been in a similar situation. I was in love with my boyfriend but was also falling in love with a friend who I had been spending alot of time around and I knew he felt the same way. With my boyfriend it was the "best friend- know them inside and out and always" type of love and with the other guy it was the "crazy- passionate- have never been so attracted to- this could be something long term- must have!!!!" type of love. So without going into further detail, I will just say that things turned into a big 'ol mess. So I will advise you to do the smart thing (which I did not do) when you are confused about something as important as the people you love......dont choose any of them.....for now, I mean. Take a break....a real break. Decide that you wont make any choices untill you know for sure, which could take some time and possibly some time alone for your thoughts to come together in the right way. If you dont allow yourself that, and continue to see more than one at once, it will be hard because your heart strings will be pulled in different directions all the time. Trust me, if you dont take the time needed to make a decision that is right for you then you could end up making the wrong one. So dont be in such a rush........and dont beat yourself up over it. Good luck though. I hope maybe what I said can be of some help.
I would have to say that choosing the one that fits the mental and physical criteria you have would be the best. You seemed to have canceled John out, and the one your with seems to be good on all levels. Follow the deepest parts of your heart.
The way things are now, it's more possible that Norman's out first. Although I care for him a lot, I don't think we're talking about "Phoenix love" here. At a moment it seemed like the best solution that would hurt everyone the least - like he was my bf before and so it could have been justifiable in a way. But nothing's like it used to be, I was looking at him and seeing me through him, the 'me' I was 3 years ago, and that was just so totally different from what I am now. How could I enjoy the future if I'm permanently drawn to the past? I've changed, he's changed. And I love him for what we used to be and that's it. So here I am left with Tom and John. Anything I do can always turn into the biggest mistake in my life... and yet in John's support stands Einstein's wise statement "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried something new". I can't separate myself from Tom , not even for a while because I wouldn't know what to tell him - I can't just tell him we're not going to see each other for one month because I've got a crush issue that I need to work out, right? And as long as I keep being with Tom all the time I keep thinking of John as well, and vice versa - when with John I'd think of Tom, and... bzzzzz u know I'm getting so dizzy! John knows about Tom so he will never trouble me if I ask him and yet I can't tell him stop calling me. Some people would tell me I should be ashamed of myself but understand that I never wanted to get into this situation and it's already a terrible curse that I'm emotionally torn apart like that. Should I make love to John? Maybe I could get a better picture. I'm counting on your support! Thanks for being there Shirley
you can not be :in: love with three people, after all no way you would treat them in such a fashion in you were, you need to stop dating all three and see which one you miss, and in the future follow the golden rule and you wont have this imoral confusion \ sorry if im a little harsh, but damn girl you know thats soo wrong!!
Girl, if I was one of those three guys and I found out the truth I'd be really upset. But I'm not here to lecture you or anything. Maybe you need some time off from all three of them. You know? Give yourself some space and time to think things over. Hope it all works out fine, and try not to fall in love with so many men at the same time again. Peace!
Yes you are right, I SHOULD stay away from all three of them but I wish it was so easy to do this. As I am stuck in this place and there's no other place to turn to, this is the only life I have. What happened? Well, John left the city for 2 months, he will be back in september and asked me to take a decision until then as, in his opinion there's plenty of time. But I'm still left here with a painful situation. We could talk on the phone but most of the time I don't answer him and just pretend that I'm not home - it's enough what's going on in his absence. I'm in love with my ex head over heels, and he's in love with me too. There has always been a lot of passion between us and now it's started again with the same intensity. Tom is suspecting something and therefore last night he told me 'he feels like shit' and what's going on with me and stuff like that. I played dumb and went to bed earlier. I love him as well and I can see that he's suffering but can't decide if I should tell him the truth or just keep him around, hoping that in the meantime I'll sort things out. I know that he won't hate me for what I've done, but I might hate myself for letting him know this side of me. I'm having an affair with Norman. This is the cause why there is so little time left for Tom and he's not stupid, but he won't make a move because he loves me and I know that. He won't dig into this because he intuitively feels that it's gonna hurt. And I look at him and say I have never seen such a delicate friend and companion like him... and then I see Norm and think I should be stupid to let a love like that fade.
Out with the old, in with the new! If you are feeling pulled away from your current relationship then maybe something fresh in your life would be a good thing. Being single might be even better if it's causing you that much anquish...
oook.. their is nothing wrong with liking three guys... i mean I'm dating a guy and I like another guy too... I'm dating only one but it doesn't mean i can't just not like the other guy.
Maybe you're right, but this situation can and probably will get out of control. I'm acting knowing that I will lose both Tom and Norman... I left Tom for a week, telling him that I'm visiting my parents and had a great time with Norman, my ex. It's been so nice, being in the same places I've been before and recognizing myself in him and all that. I know I still love him and I came to the conclusion that love never dies and it just lives there within people with or without their knowledge. I have to go back the day after tomorrow, return to Tom and I'm not sure if I really want that, but one thing is certain - I feel so torn apart. I suppose he will know, and if he finds out it's gonna be a terrible blow to him. I never meant causing him pain, but I guess I did everything to bring a potential disaster into our lives. I've got no touchstone anymore and I'm lost and confused. I don't think it's normal to love so many people at one time and the only thing I know now is that I want my life back but I might have thrown it away for nothing. How can I look into Tom's eyes anymore? I feel so used.
