Okay, I geting kinda worried about my drug use. I have alot of mental health issues in my family (theres been four suicides, and my moms bi-polar 2), I've been in the hospital for a Dexedrine overdose once, I was also in the Mental hospital for the resulting amphetamine psychosis (that my health care providers knew very little about at the time). Again I was put in a mental health hospital, but this was due to my overall drug use and my parrents/police/schools were worried about my psychotic tendencies, I was taken off nicotine, regular DXM use, regular cannabis use, regular alcohol use, and had my girlfriend waiting at home the whole month they kept me there (long term ward), in Vancouver BC, thats almost 9 hours away from my home, so I had no visitors this time. I had a very odd life there, the first month of my life completly sober (execpt the few cigs I got from nice friends) since I was 13 (since I was 13 and tried pot, I'd taken on the daily use of drugs from kedamine, mushrooms, diphenhydramine (LOTS), DXM (lots), ativans, dexedrine, and booze. Then once I got out of the hospital, I went back home to find in the month my bestfriend was involved in a robbery and was trying to not get caught, my other bestfriend started selling Extacy and was making big bucks. I wanted to be with them, but even at home I couldnt, being sober off drugs and not smoking, and on Seriquil, and having a girlfriend, but the night that I broke up with my girlfriend (HUGE ASS MISTAKE), I tried taking 3 E tabs (for my first E experince), and in the months that followed, got into doing LOTS of E and coke (never did coke before either) I regularly do cocaine and DXM and smoke pot everyday now. I dont know where I am going exactly but I'm 16 years old and I've had way to much conflict in my drug life, but thats the only life I can remember knowing.. or even liking, my sober month felt like it took literaly years out of my life.. I really wonder if I have Bi-polar, since he doctors say I have pre-bi-polar disorder.. and if I continue my drug use I could end up fully psychotic. I really think I had brain damage or worse, its more like I feel like I've had an ego death and now I'm a worse.. less important.. pathedic person whos going nowere... Sigh...
I don't think you know what ego death is, but i could give a fuck less, you should stop smoking crack and snorting coke, no joke. That is probably a big part of what is making you feel this way.
your goin down...im sorry...but psychosis and drugs its like a trapezeist without a net to catch his fall... just smoke the reefer let the crap behind. It will be one step closer to feelin good. but if you are heavily addicted on substances, get treatment.
I Think Everyone Who Does Drugs Thinks That At Some Point, I Remember I Did While On Mad Shrooms One Time. I Just Laughed It Off And Learned To Put Effort Into Doing Hard Work, And Knowing Whats Important To Me, Seeing Through Addictions Is All You Gotta Do.
most of the drugs you are talking about are very damaging to your brain. you're already mentally ill and have had a history including amphetamine psychosis yet you are still using powerful psychostimulants like cocaine!? you're digging your own grave. stop or die; there's no point in living with a lost mind and all that biological damage.
why do you have to take drugs constantly? HOW in any case could your brain possibly function normal when you are constantly putting it under strong influence? you just gotta stop smoke your ciggs and find a vice and see how you go. how long you spend without your usual drug habits depends on how much you want to get better and not have psychosis when you turn 21. i hope you realise that, of course; full-symptom psychotic disorders (bipolar included) develop into their debilitating states as men leave their teens and become physically matured adults. youve got a few years to take to teh extreme and gamble it, or you can try and be careful over the coming years. whatever teh case, the most serious damage, if any, would have already happened.
Its time to get your stuff together. Or die like someone else said. You need to stop hanging out with your friends, and see if you can get some treatment, or even move. I wish the best for you. I hope that you quit this destructive way of living, and your brain will begin to heal.
im bi-polar II i took a bunch of phenethylamines, typtamines, anbd street drugs now im fucking crazy, and have holes or lapses in my memory, very bad if i could do it all differently i would.
Man, it's up to you, you know what we're all going to say, you have to stop your drug use. Think about the future, rather than the short term.... where do you want to be in 5 years? 10 years? if your answer is dead, well your on the right track, but i really would hope it isn't your answer. Life is worth living man, even though theres so much bullshit, those really good days are worth living for.
if you dont wnat to stop everything, at least make sure u stop coke, diphenhydramine, and dxm.. those will screw with your body more then all the others... save your brain...
