I feel empty. Like no one gives a shit. And I would be more poetic about it, but I don't have the energy. I need purpose. I need a reaction. Any kind of reaction. Just so I know you're still alive. What do you do when it hurts and you have no way out, no release? There has to be a way to release the pain. And the only way I know is to acknowledge it. So this is my pain. I hurt because I eat too much. Sometimes I feel like I can't even control it. There's a desire inside of me that burns but eating doesn't quench it -- it numbs it. But the numbness only brings a different kind of pain. I hurt because of my past, my deviance. It creates a gap between me and the pure, the innocent, the proper. This gap can never really be closed with someone who hasn't experienced the same things. Drugs, debauchery, and the rest. Most of all I hurt because I am alone. Utterly, frigidly, alone. I am used to it. I am strong. But if we can't share life, what's the point? I don't want pity. I hate pity more than anything. I just want someone to say, "I know."
haha, reality will pass? I don't think so. But I think what you meant is, this feeling will pass. I believe it. Just getting that off my chest made me feel a lot better. Who knew writing could be so cathartic...
