so much for this talking lark! we have been trying to sort ourselves out sexually speaking now for the last 6 months, been to the sex therapist and got absollutely no where with her so we decided it was time to sack her! we have been doing our own thing since he found out that in 25 years of being together i have never orgasmed once!! he always thought i did!!! so despite my lack of ability in telling him what i want him to do, which i honestly havent got a clue, he set about his mission. we bought a vib, that hardly works i hate the bloody thing anyway, just reminds me of how broken i am! well he fumbles about, causing me great pain and only when it gets to the stage of "stabbing" level will i then go a little "ouch" . inside im crying my eyes out but never say anything, i keep trying to tell myself i will get used to it, it doesnt hurt its me imagining it etc. well when i started bleeding a couple of weeks ago, things started to get me down, it was then that i realised that i really dont want to carry on like this, i knew i had to say something soon, the fear that i am going through, the panic in telling him is huge, yes hes my hubby, i love him, and because of this i dont want to hurt his feelings. well last night i was so pissed off, eventually we where almost arguing about it and i blew!! told him that sex as far as i was concerned had been total crap for the last 25 years, that i was glad that i did such a good job in making him have a good time, but when was he going to ever bother about helping me relax and enjoy what he is trying to do? instead i am pushed along at his pace, do the things he wants, cant ever feel that safe enough to speak up for myself, i certainly cant and never have learnt how to get myself off, never have done that because i feel like i have been ruined, ruined by his lack of interest in what i want, ruined by not being concerned for my happiness ,ruined because of never feeling safe and trusting him to be able to tell him anything, so long as nothing rocks hiw world the wrong way then everything is great, what about me? hes now gone to work, i get a slight peck on the cheek, he hardly looked at me, he didnt even know that i wasnt in the bed last night with him, what have i done, as i said so much for trying to learn to communicate, ive totally screwed up.
Maybe you needed to blow up at him to get how you feel out in the open and for him to realise that somethings ain't right. You should have said exaclty how you felt about things way before now. But now he knows you two can sit down and talk honestly about your sex life. Some guys can be pretty dim when it comes to their womans sexual needs and if you dont tell he may not figure it out for himself. My fiancee and me have always been very open about our feelings sexually and if somethings not right or not working we let each other know and work it out, we dont bottle it up, that just creates frustrations and tensions. If you two love each other thats wht you have to make happen. Tell him what you want from him and what makes you tick sexually. Dont worry about hurting his feelings, if he loves you he will take it and you need to get it out. Sex is about making you both happy not just him. Now is the time to sit down and talk. You've let him know your not happy, now talk about how the both of you can fix it. Good luck.
i am so dammed afraid of talking to him that a bottle of pain killers would be far easier to take and swallow and much more preferable. if i knew how to fix it fair enough, but ive made this huge complaint that he crap in bed without any way of being able to help him make things better, i just havent got a bloody clue where to start.............
I know its difficult but you have to make a start. You need to tell him thats its not that he's crap, you two just need to get your sexual needs sorted out between each other. So far you've just worried about his needs in bed, if he loves you then he should also look at your needs. But you must fix it ASAP or you may get a brick wall growing between you. Make a point of putting 2 or 3 hours aside today/tonight just to talk about this and dont let anything else get in the way. This is also an excellent opportunity for you two to get your relationship on the right course. Things obviousley hav'nt been ok in bed and now is you chance to put it right. But you've got to do it now!
After the 25 years you have basically wasted sexually, what made you decide to be more outspoken? What kind of screwed up relationship do you have? I'm shocked, this seems to be like a very antiquated "dark ages" of sex, not saying that you are not satisfied. Get a divorce and start fresh.
