I can't believe this happened...

Wow. Do any of you guys remember my boyfriend from last summer, the one from Germany that I often posted on?

Assuming you don't, here's a brief summary: I fell in love with a 20 year old German guy, Phillip. He was really cool, we mixed well, but things were chaotic while he was here (lotsa drama), and before we could get too close, he had to leave back for Germany. And it really sucked. It was really odd having such a strong relationship (I was REALLY REALLY attached to him...he was my first love) end in that manner- it didnt end because we wanted it to be over, it ended because it HAD to be over, because he had to leave. So I was really depressed for a month or two.

And I thought I was COMPLETELY over him.

I hadn't thought about him almost at all for months, and then a couple nights ago I had a dream about him. I was walking through a driveway and happened to run into him getting into a car. We hugged, and he smiled that way I loved so much. And then the dream ended.

And then, when I woke up that day, I got the first e-mail from him that I had recieved in MONTHS. So it was really odd- it was like my dream corresponded with his writing of the e-mail (more and more lately I'm believing in God, but that's besides the point,haha).

But when I woke up, I was upset. I realized, "Damn! That would be really cool to see him... I miss that guy." I experienced a dull, numb sort of pain, mostly nostalgia. Because before him, I was always so cheerful and optimistic and positive, and after him, I kind of went through rough times. It's so hard to explain. And now since the weather is warm, and the air smells of spring and summer, I feel like I am back a year ago, around the time all of the drama went on... Its just so weird, because I've thought that I was completely over him, and then this little dull pain came...

Is this normal? I feel like I'm pathetic and can't get over him.

There's a good chance I'll see him again- I won a full scholarship to go on an exchange trip to Germany next schoolyear, so we'll be in the same country. I dont know if I SHOULD see him again, or if it would make me feel really upset and ruin my exchange trip. Or if we'd get back together. who knows? i dont.

Any advice is welcome....thanks
Cheers, and Much Love,
Dylan

 

I think in this cases, as in all cases, one have to keep a cool head, leave one's feelings to one side and consider it objectively. If there is no chance of this boy and you living in the same country there is no point of going on thinking in a possible relationship with him. And to think of changing the home country just for the sake of an uncertain love is too complicated and risky.

I thing you should be pragmatic and look for boys in your town, I´m sure there are plenty of them waiting to meet you and with whom you'd be very happy too.

 

Hey piano

Congrats for winning that scholarship for Germany next years. Foreign scholarships rock and such a little thing always looks swell in your Resume these days...

Do not worry 'bout your German BF too much. No one really gets over such relationships completely. You get over them good enough for you to live your life, fall in love again and feel good about it. But you never get over it, in the sense of forgetting it completely or somehow erasing from your memory. So, yeah, that German dude is yours and yours forever to treasure as a wonderful memory and an experience you had gone thru.

Should you see him? Only you can know for sure, if you really want to see him. Germany ain't that big (the size of Montana), so if you really want to do that, go for it. I have never had a problem in seeing anyone from my past and I thought it was a little achievement on our part that we parted in a way that we can always get together as friends again.

Relationship ain't really everything. Maybe, just maybe he was meant to be a lifelong friend from a distant country? No one can know that. So, I have always kept as many options open and that has worked well for me...

Take care,

KD

 

hey guys thanks for hte advice. Andrenio- I wasn't trying to say in my original post that I was hoping to have a life-long relatinshipw ith him. My main point in this post was the pain I felt recently, and whether it's normal to still feel a bit solemn when remembering the past relationship months after it's been over.

In mentioning my exchange trip to Germany, my point was "Should I try and see him while I am there? Would it get me upset to see him again and ruin my exchange experience? If I DID see him again, would I be stupid and want to have a BF relationship with him? Would it BE stupid to have a BF relationship with him again? Do I even WANT that? Woudl that even HAPPEN?" It's all just kind of a lot of wondering on my part. I can't say that I am really hopeful or anything to have a relationship again, I dont think it woudl really happen, and it woudln't work, bevcause like you said we live in different countries. But I can't say it wouldn't run through my head, and I dont think that that is too unreasonable of a thought to go through my head, ya know?

KewlDewd: Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I figured that I would never feel indifferent towards the past relationship,a nd that I would probably always have a feeling of love for him in my heart forever. I do remember it as a wonderful memory, and very wonderful memory.

I feel the same way about seeing people from my past. Before I realized I was gay, I dated several girls, and now we are all best friends still (im not sure if its because i"m gay that its made the different, I dont think thats the reason.). So I think it would be coolt o see him again... I think it might also help me feel a sense of closure wiht the relatoinship, because when he left back for germany, our feelings for eachother were mounting to a crescendo- and then it just kind of dropped out since he had to leave. So it was very odd. So I think seeing him again would almost cap it off. but then agian, it oculd easily lead to me wanting ot have a relationship with him again, and getting upset. So who knows? I guess I'll play it by ear.

Any more advice anyone? Thanks
Cheers,
and love,
Dylan

 

Yup, Dylan. Possibly getting upset is an inherent risk in everything we do. isn't it?

Just my 2 cents...

KD

 

Congratulations on the scholarship!
I think you should at least go and see him while you are in Germany, just to talk and catch up you know? You'll probably be kicking yourself for a long time if you don't.
Sorry my advice isn't better

 

thanks EMMAh, I think you're right. Hopefully it would be a postiive experience, as opposed to me feeling upset. But I don't think it would be a bad visit, I think I'd be very happy and excited, and I'd walk away feeling glad I saw him again.

I never knew how complicated relationships/memories could be.

Cheers, and Much Love,
Dylan

 

If you see him while in Germany, will there be a chance for a relationship, or will he need to stay there? If the answer is the latter, don't cause yourself any pain by seeing him again. Trust me...you don't wanna be playing the "what if" game with yourself...

 

He corresponded with you. I see nothing wrong with letting him know that you're going to be in Germany. If he says that the two of you should get together,go for it but don't assume he's automatically going to be your bf. If he just says that he hopes you have a good time in Germany, that tells you something else.

Many of us never completely get over a man we've been in a relationship over. I'm in the middle of trying to be friends with a guy who dumped me. I think it's possible to be friends with an ex, but it isn't easy and requires a lot of honest sharing.

 

yeah. I mean, I just sent an e-mail telling him a couple days ago (didnt get back to me yet, we only get to email about once a month or so- he's in medical school, so he's ridiculously busy). I dont PLAN on there ever being a BF-BF relationship between us again, I jsut think it would be nice to see him. But evenw ith me saying that, there is still always that possibility that we'd get back together. I'm not saying I want that to happen ,but I"m saying it could, because anything's possible. Whatever.

Yeah. It's hard getting over people. I mean, the past few days since I wrote the beginning of this thread, I havent had any more feelings about it, so it's weird. I think the dream, and how vivid it was, and how it brought back so many little memories- not stuff like "we kissed" or whatever, but LITTLE stuff like, how he moves his hands when he talks, or the way his eyebrows raise during certain things he says, or how he scratches the back of his head, or his beard, or how he smiles when he's nervous...the list goes on. BUt it was those litlte intimate things I took note of a year ago that got to me. It's hard to explain.

Who knwos? I'll just havbeta bring up to him that I"m coming and ask him what he thinks about seeing each other. We'lllll see.

Thanks guys,
Cheers, and Love,
Dylan