i saw a post earlier by peacelovebarefeet, and it made me think i also need to vent, dont we all! feel free to vent on this thread.. well, my venting story is, i was spending time in a big city in canada, about a month ago, exploring what it meant to be in the city, i spent a little more than six months there, i was dealing with heavy depression...i decided to go on a dating site, to connect with other people.. i forget who the first person i met off it was, but probably not too terribly important..okay, i will call this guy michealo, i think he actually was the first person i met off that site..lo and behold.. my memory came back to me! hee so i met him, he wasnt terribly exciting to me, more fascinating to me was that he was interested in me, it was some mystery.. he has some fascination with young ppl, an intellectuals thing i would suppose, ( hes nearing his thirties) so he needs youngins energy to "inspire him" so, the next time we got together was like a month later, and this time there was a specialness, im sure you all know what im talking about, that subtle connection, vibrating thru all your movements.. after being out, we went to his house, i get crazily hyper sometimes, and i was able to go to that place with him.. we started making up gibberish nicknames for eachother, for someone who was "old" he was astoundingly playfull, and still is.. we wrestled..laughed..there was something in the air... we clicked and we wouldnt seperate for a while and we knew it..i knew it at my core...this person wouldnt be leaving my life anytime soon.. i wasnt able to say, "i want to be with you", me having low self esteem and him being an intellectual i felt not good enough..i was always neutral about wether we should be romantically involved or not, i felt if it were meant to happen, it would naturally arise... i enjoyed all my time spent with him, cuddling, playing, poking.. we never slept together, nor did we kiss.. he is an extremely beautiful being, a fine tuned being..a beauty seeing being, a subtle being, an unconditionally loving being, a cute being and he made me feel all right, even when i was complaining, revealing my imperfection to him.. he kept a steady beam of acceptance, focus, and needing of me, upon me.. now, i am hundreds of miles away, and have been for about a month and some.. tonight he tells me, "i went on a date" i try to remain calm, i do, in the mind, but inside my body, my stomach to be exact, im feeling an overwhelming stabbing and later a need to cry and hold someone.. i congratulate him on his splendid date.. im afraid ill lose that wonderfullness i feel when around him, i dont care if its platonic, i dont want him to leave me, for someone more deserving.. i dont want him to see light in someone else..i want that angelic presence, i want it to never leave, unquestioning, but that is not human.. he may leave me, and it may be another experience to add to the pile of "people do not naturally want to befriend me" etc.. i want to change this! i want to attract friends easily! strong friends! it feels so hard for me, i dont know how to attract people who want to spend time with me, it is possible, i just have to concieve it.. vent! thank you for reading! much love on all your trails....
K, I have this guy that I met when I first went off to school away from home. He was everything to me and was there for me when I needed it most. We were neighbors, and there was this special connection between us for sure. Well after that semester and summer we went our seperate ways and I call him and he doesn't answer and we havn't spoke or seen one another in 6 months. Mean while I have this other guy who really digs me and I'm xstarting to like him as well. But I won't give in because I think that there is a chance with the other guy that I haven''t spoke to in 6 months. Wel he shoots me an e-mail and says he misses me and wants to get together. What do I do? Wait around for this guy or just pursue this more recent guy that has been there for me? It a hard deal.
