I guess I just care too much....

Some men are just not father material. Being a good father means putting others before yourself.

Now the problem is the society we are creating where self fulfilment is paramount and the selfish rule the roost.
You are changing from a sexy gf to a big stomached eating machine and Mr Icareonlyaboutmyself does not like the idea of his freedom being taken away.
Dirty nappies, feeding three times a night, bubba spew down the neck and all the other wonderful experiences of fatherhood do not excite him at all.
Sure he might at a later stage of his life change but some blokes just never do.
You wanna keep the child? Good for you but remember there are a shitload of sacrifices that have to be made, both by you and your support network (family and friends).
Then comes the finding another partner stuff, a lot of men don't like single mothers but there are a lot who are cool with it. Something to consider is that you may never find someone else but do not ever blame your child for this. This child may be one day the only person that truly loves you.
The only real advice I can give you is to be honest with yourself and your child. Are you willing to give up everything for this child or is this just a new experience you want to try?
Personally I think 19 is too young but if you are mature enough to go into this with your eyes fully open then all the best and may you have a happy healthy little person.

 

Haha....big stomached eating machine....I want that on a shirt.
Yes, fatherhood can be great....if that's something he can get used to. I told him that if he couldn't handle the pressure he was free to leave....and he'll never hear from me or the baby. But, that he will be the baby's father and the baby will know about him....what he was like and whatnot.
Yes, I am willing to make sacrifices for this baby. My family and friends are really supportive of my decision and they're behind me 100%. I think that's why I really want to keep this kid....I have support telling me I can do it.
Yes, I know that if he leaves I may not find someone else, but I won't blame this kid....s/he didn't ask to be made.
It's not just something I want to try....it's something I want to do. I did have the sex that made this baby.
19 is young, but I really think I'll be a good mom with or without my guy.



Hannah....that question did deserve an answer....
I don't need YOU to sugarcoat anything. I really don't care about your opinion. You don't know my guy and can't say how it'd be in his shoes....you can only speak for yourself.
Guilt plays no part....he said he isn't guilty, but he grew up without a dad (He died when he was a young kid) and he said it sucks. He just isn't ready for all this to happen, but he's willing to pay for it.
I chose to stay pregnant because I would feel regret for having an abortion. I chose to have sex....I never said I regret that. You obviously still miss the point that THE BABY ISN'T THE ISSUE, his new attitude is.
I'm not upset with your viewpoint, I'm upset that you can spout out how you'd feel guilty and stay with someone for them being pregnant, but you can't answer a simple question....have you been in this situation....or do you just like to think you know it all?

 

a single mom is better than two parents who fight, or even one who insults the mother of his child (and he sounds like the kind of guy who would still insult you when your kid is around)

Your child does -not- need that kind of toxic environment, I'd leave if I were in a similar situation

 

You asked for opinions on the board, so I replied.

I have not been in your situation and neither would I ever PUT myself in your position. The choices you made are your own. I tried to put myself in your situation to try and explain to you how I would feel if I were in your bf's place.

If you know your guy so well (enough to tell others that they don't know anything), why again are you here asking us about the way he's treating you? It seems you know all your answers already and just needed a place to vent. By all means. And again, take care and best of luck.

 

Moon Flower,


Regardless of the prior history, you have a baby on the way; and, that is wonderful. Prepare now, get yourself into a "safe space" for you and your child; get self-sustaining and keep a "healthy control" over your relationship with the father; live separate from him. Remain paced and focused on what is important for you to "attend to" and that is a good life for you and your child.

Peace,

David

P.S. Do good things for you (and, thus, for your child); do Yogas, cultivate skills so that in the future you can earn a good income doing something that you enjoy, etc. Be peaceful, pace yourself.

P/L, D.




.

 

David, I went yesterday, actually, and bought some yoga things. A friend of mine that recently had a baby said she used yoga and she danced around the house as much as she could when she was pregnant. Plus, it's getting warm here now and my mom has me doing garden work....planting and watering and whatnot....so I don't become an indoor woman.

 

moon_flower, you don't need any stress in your life, you're now taking care of a child inside of you.

Hannah, what has happened has already happened and no amount of saying "Well, guess you shouldn't have done that" is going to help her situation.

If he doesn't want to be a father...well, then, he doesn't. Like you've said, moon_flower, you have a good support system. Giving him some time to come to grips with what has happened is probably a good idea...I have a feeling he'll come around, especially since he grew up without a father. Go about your business and don't worry about him, if he comes around, he does, if he doesn't, then that's on him. My parents had a terrible relationship and did more damage than what would have happened if my mom would have dropped him before I was born.

If he doesn't want to be a father and he thinks that it will "ruin" his life, then let him be a irresponsible father and let him give up his rights if that is what he truely wants.

I don't understand why everyone thinks a kid will ruin their lives. I mean, it's not like you can't do all the things you want to do...you just have to take the baby with you or find a sitter...or wait a few years. It's just a different path, not an end to the path.

 

Moon_flower,


Reading your post was like reading my autobiography. I met my bf, we started dating, things were nothing but wonderful. Then, I got pregnant and everything changed. He started off calling my names and then gradually wound up physically abusing me. Now, I'm not saying that your bf will do that, but you do not need someone calling you a bitch while you are pregnant. Believe me, he will not get better. You need to leave and secure child support. Really. He may choose to be in the child's life after it's born-he may not. But don't make his support optional.

You have to really think about what life will be like with him if he continues with this behavior. It will be so much easier to make a break now then later. Trust me.

 

Ok, I am going to try and give you the perspective from a guy around that the age of your BF (19 here).

If my girl friend got pregnant at this time, I will probly commit suicide. I would rather die than have my life ruined by some chick that is too freakin attached to me to get a freakin abortion. With the whole globilization bs, it is waayyy too risky to go around making babies in an economy that could go burst at any time. Also, with a kid at 19-21, my prime of life would be ruined. This is the time that I am supposed to get laid with tons of chicks, get drunk, and all that good XXXX.

As for the reason he is asking mean to you... he is probly really pissed that is about to be a father.

Keep in mind that I am an athiest, and a left leaning person, so if your boy friend is a christian conservative or something else, he might see things differently.

My advice is for you to TALK to him and ask him what he wants you to do with the baby. He might want an abortion/adoption or he might decide to stick around and be father. If you don't give him a say in the decision, he will HATE YOU for the rest of his life.

I hate to sound sexist or anything, but you should really consider letting him decide what he wants done with the baby. Don't force the baby on him in hopes that he stays with you forever or some other bs that I know a lot of chicks come up with.

Best of luck.

 

Also, the change of behaviour might be because he doesnt have feelings for you. Yes, it sucks, but A LOT of guys lie about their feelings to get laid (every guy I know does). That might explain why he is insulting you, because as far as he was concerned, all he wanted was sex, he didnt exactly sign up to have his life complicated by a baby.

Then again, if you come from a wealthy family, you might have no trouble raising the child as a single parent. Just don't think that having a baby is petty issue. Unless you are held back by religous convictions, make sure to carefully examine ALL OPTIONS. Since you are 4 months pregnant, you still have a week or 2 to terminate if you think that is best.

 

Look guy, my being attatched to him has nothing to do with why I won't have an abortion. I don't agree with abortion, nor will I have one.
I didn't get pregnant to keep us together, I already addressed THAT issue....we didn't have any problems before, PLUS if I really wanted to end up pregnant, wouldn't it make sense to find someone that wanted the same thing so I don't have to deal with what I'm dealing with now? I guess you guys don't think SOME girls are actually decent in that sense.
No ones life is ruined by this baby. He has every right to still go out and have a good time. I am willing to give up the partying thing for this kid....he knows I'm the one that will spend most of the time with the baby. I am making that obligation by deciding to keep this kid.
We've talked about adoption and about keeping it. He said that decision is up to me, he'll stick around and support the baby if I do keep it and he'll stick around if I don't keep it. We've talked about getting a place together and working out the whole relationship one day at a time.
Why should I let him have all the say in what happens? He didn't let me have all the say....he told me what he wanted and why. We both decided, just recently, that I should keep the baby....it'd play hard on both our minds giving it up and always wondering how our baby is. Even though he says he's not ready, he still doesn't want the baby to grow up and find out his dad or his mom give him up....he did grow up without a dad. Adoption plays on a childs mind just as much as it does on the parents mind. That's why this situation has me at a low. I didn't force the baby on him, nor did I say he HAS to stay with me, it was his choice.
I trust my guy to be completely honest with me about his feelings to me....he told me he likes me a whole lot and being with me is great, I can be a pain in the ass....but he still likes me. Some guys are actally pretty decent and don't have to lie for a piece of ass. I know we're not in love and I don't expect him to love me because I'm pregnant. I don't expect him to marry me. I don't expect anything out of the ordinary. I didn't exactly sign up for the baby either, I liked what we had before.
I'm not wealthy. I'm actually dog ass poor. Having a baby is a big issue....I'm not a moron.
I HAVE EXAMINED ALL OPTIONS, I'm going into motherhood with my eyes wide open. I didn't spend my high school days advocationg for pro-life because I thought it was cool. I know the procedures for abortion. I know the pros and cons. We've looked into adoption, and like I said....it was his choice as well as mine to keep this baby.
Do you even know what a baby looks like at 4 months, honey? Maybe YOU should do YOUR research before suggesting anything. Thanks.

 

Fair enough. Since it looks like you have thought this through, best of luck with you and your baby.

 

... Really... Get laid with a ton of chicks and get drunk? Listen talk like that makes you compleatly immature and with such a maturity level you shouldn't be having sex at all. Sex entails that you could have a kid. If it means so much to you not to have a kid, use protection and understand every time you have sex no matter how much protection you use, a baby could be in the picture.

What does that have to do with anything? I'm ultral liberal, agnostic, and pro-abortion but I still don't think she should be forced to abort her child. If you have sex with a "bunch" of girls you should especially keep this in mind that maybe you might get a girl pregnant that doesn't believe in abortion. What then? You can't force anyone to do anything. People have their say and their opinions as well. You can't bully anyone into doing anything just because you don't like the situation.

The choice needs to be discussed between both parents not just one. Letting only the father decide could lead to a lot of pain and regret on the mother's part. She should have her say in it too but ultimately it's the mother's choice considering she will give birth to the child.

Great moon flower. I'm glad things are working out for you. Best of luck into you, his and your baby's future.