My girlfriend had been in China for two months. The whole time she was there we kept comunication. Everything seemed great. We were both excited to see eachother when she got back. Well so it seemed. Now she's back and I've tallked to her less than I did while she was gone and have only seen her for five minutes at a time here and there. Now it's to the point where I'm not seeing her and I'm waiting for her to call me. She's says she wants to be a hermit for a little bit, but it seems the only person she is being a hermit to is me. I don't know if she realizes how much this hurts me. The whole time she was gone we were talking about things we were going to do when she got back and now this. I want to do as she asks and hope it doesn't last long and things are back to normal but at the same time I wanna see her and be with her. I just don't understand. Before she left we spent as much time together as possible, but now it doesn't seem like she wants to spend much time with me at all. I just don't know what to do. More than anything I guess I would like an explanation but she said she didn't want to have to explain herself.
I quote again from Shakespeare: Love is not love Which alters where it alteration finds Or bends with the remover to remove. Leave the case as it is now. If she comes back it's good If she comes back late, it's less good If she instantly refuses you, it's good again you'd save time to fall in love with others. Try to be a little pragmatic with a pinch of pride. be cool mate.
Thanks for the advice! I guess I'm just gonna hang back for now. Hopefully she'll call me and it will be sooner rather than later so I won't go completely nuts!!
Well....things aren't really any better, and I'm still just as confused as ever. I ran into my girlfriend at the bar tuesday. She didn't say much to me and once I got there she left within 10 minutes. When she was leaving I told her to give me a call. Well she called the next morning. I told her how I was feeling and that this has been very hard for me. That I was expecting to be able to just jump in right where we left off. She said she was planning on doing the same thing, but once she got back she has just been happy being by herself (which I guess means basically being without me because she still is hanging out and doing things with the rest of her friends). I then asked her if her feelings about me have changed and she said no. She did then make an effort to see if I wanted to hang out on thur. I couldn't because I had gigs to play wed,thur,fri,sat, which I had told her before but I guess she forgot. Well I found out that I also had a gig on sun., but it was only for an hour so I called her to see if she wanted to come with me to that gig since it was with the band she hadn't seen me play in yet. I told her that afterwards we could go out to eat or do something you know just hang out for a bit. She agreed to come with me. I picked her up sun. and we went to the gig. Well when we got there everything was an hour behind schedule so we had to wait for an extra hour which she didn't seem happy about. Well we played, packed up and left. The whole time things seemed fine everything almost seemd the way it was except for the fact that I think that I might have acted a little strange (that's only because I don't really know how to act towards her at the moment). Well we left did a couple of other things. Then all of the sudden she started saying how pissed off she was because she felt like she had wasted an entire day. How it wasn't my fault, I didn't know the gig would be behind schedule, but this was her only day off work and she didn't feel like she got anything done and had wasted the whole day. Mind you that I didn't pick her up til 2PM and I had to call and wake her up at 1:30PM. Anyways, so you can imagine how I felt after that. So we went back home. Once we got into town I asked her if she wanted to see my apt. because she hadn't seen it yet. We stopped by my apt., stayed for a grand total of about 30 seconds and left. I took her home. She told me that she needed to give me the stuff that she had gotten for me from china. So I went upstairs to her apt.. She gave me the stuff and then was like well I'm gonna start doin some stuff. So I asked her when I would be able to see her again. She said,"I dunno, whenever I'm not working." Then I left. I just don't know what to do. She says her feelings haven't changed but it feels like they have. Am I wrong in thinking that when you say you love someone that you look out for eachother feeling, emotions, whatever. If you say you love someone how can you just push them away as I have been pushed away. I want to just say screw it and move on but at the same time I can't. I do love her. I waited two months for her to get back just for things to go to the shitter. I'm not ready to throw what we had away yet. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't understand the whole thing. The only thing I do know right now is that I'm miserable. I'm just looking for some input on this. I'm thinking that no matter how miserable I am that I might just not make any effort for a while and wait for her to call me...if she ever does. If not, then I guess I know what's going on. I dunno.................sigh
good luck with relationship bro. Mine has been far worse, and she's ending a 3 year relationship with me Keep your head up. seems like she doesnt realize how much she is hurting you...and that shes lacking compassion. I'm sorry to hear that, because thats a major problem in many relationships
Maybe you're being to passive. Don't let her do what she's doing. I know that if my boyfriend was acting like that I would show up on his doorstep and say "Looky here, we're going to talk and we're going to make things right or I'm leaving you. You're going to tell me exactly how you feel. No sugar or cherries on top, exactly how you feel b/c I feel like you don't want to be with me. Now if you don't you need to quit leading me on and trying not to hurt my feelings b/c it's fucking with my head. If you do, then you have some serious issues to deal with and maybe you don't need to be with anyone right now, or maybe I can help you work through them and be here for you b/c I love you. So, what's the deal?" I don't know if that's the right thing but that's what I would do. Don't let her fuck with your head man. Peace out
Thanks for the words of advice. It's definately getting ready to come to that. I probably am being a little too passive. I've just been trying to give her some time. It's been two weeks now that she's been back and I've hung out with her once, and talked to her for a few minutes at a time only a handful of times. I've been doing good to not even think about it which I know isn't right. I think it's basically over anyway because now she's gonna have to prove herself to me which I don't think will happen. My feelings have already been hurt enough that even if it all worked out in her mind I don't think it will be worked out in my mind or at least not with a lot of effort. Then what? Will I have to deal with this again some time in the future. I love her, but I can't do that. Once has been hard enough. Saying you love someone yet totally disregarding them is not my definition of love. I don't know what her definition is, but that's not mine. I dunno. I've just been really confused and really hurt.
i dunno.. well maybe she wants to get everything togeather again and stuff... finish up on some stuff she hasn't done... maybe she doesn't want to just rush into the relationship again right after her stay in China... maybe she wants to cool down a bit...
I understand what you're saying and that is partly what she was saying, but how long should it take. How long am I supposed to be miserable like this because she wants to cool down. Like I said in a previous post. I'm the only one she's staying away from, but when she was in China I was the only ne she wanted to talk to. Now I've been completely disregarded. She even said that she had expected to be able to jump right in where we left off but now she's just been happy being by herself. She says that she wasn't unhappy being with me, but I just don't understand all of this. I know this is all stuff I should be expressing to her which I'm going to but it helps me to write it out and think about it first. My brain and my mouth don't always work well on the fly. I guess I'm going to try to talk to her this weekend and pretty much express how I've been feeling and I'm going to have to tell her that the current situation isn't working for me. If she wants to keep this relationship with me she's gonna have to put forth a little bit of effort because I can't wait forever. I feel shitty even thinking about putting her in that position but that's about my only option. So let me ask everyone this question. If your loved one had been gone since May 10th and all you had done was talk to them on the phone then on July 14th you go pick them up and everything seems gre until you get back to town and then they just don't want you around, but can't say anything to you about it until you bring it up, but you bring it up because you feel like you're being shunned and not wanted. How would that make you feel.
I definatly think you should go talk to her about this shit.. because you need to know what's going on between you too... and she shouldn;'t just leave you hanging.
So here's yet another update on my situation for those who have talked to me and given any advice. I made my g/f talk to me and I asked what was going on. And here's the story I got be it BS or not I dunno. She said after she got back from china it made her think alot about herself and her life. Made her start wondering what it all meant. Wondering if what she's been doing with school and everything is really what she wanted and if it was what she was going to do. Basically she told me she just doesn't know who she is anymore and is trying to figure that out and it is something she has to do on her own and she just needs me as a friend right now. So we are not "together" anymore but we are still friends. I told her I'd be here if she needed me. I told her that I wish she would have told me that in the first place to have saved me from a little heartbreak rather than me having to drag it out of her. Told her that all I wanted more than anything was to be able to talk to her but our conversations were really sterile because of this all. I didn't know how to act around her. So anyways I guess it's better for now. It's gonna take some adjustment to figure out how to be myself around her without being with her which I hope she understands. I guess here goes nothing though. Like I said I don't know if this is all BS or not because it still does seem that the feelings are still there and I understand tsomewhat what she's going through. I'm going through that to in my life but, everyone deals with the same situations differently. Sooo, I'm just going to be her friend for now and see what may happen down the road. Do you all think that I'm viewing this situation right or do you think it's all a bunch of Bull?
