Hi, i'm new to this whole thing, and i never thought i'd be posting in a forum like this, but it's nice to have somewhere with some anonymity (spelling?) where i can ask a few questions! I've been reading up other threads, but i haven't really found the help i'm looking for. Basically, i've been with my gf for nearly 18 months, and our sex life, well, it aint great. it's pretty poor actually. There's a few problems: firstly, i've only been with a couple of girls before, and they were just one night stands, pretty bad all round and when i was younger, so as "experience" counts, i wasn't very experienced to begin with. My girlfriend was a virgin before i met her, and it took a while for her to be comfortable enough with me to do ANYTHING. When we started getting active, it would hurt her REALLY bad, and it was pretty much a non starter for about 6 months. She went on the pill, and we axed condoms. Things started going smoother, and i thought it'd get better. It didn't really. She always says it hurts. No matter what. And now she's given up on allowing me to finger her because she gets nothing from it. Oral is a no no, she's too insecure about it, although she has given me head a few times, and that was quite good. I bought some ky jelly, and that certainly smoothed things up and made it easier, but she's pretty much non reactive. The only position we try is me on top. If she trys going on top, it's not great at all, and it always falls out. She's really insecure about it and i try to reassure her, but it doesn't help at all. If i talk to her about it, she gets upset because she knows it's shit, and she wants to be a better lover. I'd love to make it a great experience for her. I want her to enjoy sex and to be excited about it. We're going away this weekend which means we'll have the luxury of a proper bed as opposed to the sofa in her house (her parents don't allow me in her room). So now, my request: How do i make it great for her, without trying some mad position, cos she won't go for it. No oral, she won't go for that. Basically, all i can do is touch, rub, finger and then put it in, and that's about it. I'd appreciate some help, because she's a great girl, and i wanna make our relationship absolutely perfect. cheers, bouli
this is totally normal it took me sooo long for it to work for me i think what you need to do is maybe start with a nice massage and kissing on the neck for me thats my most sensitive spot tell her you love her body and everything about her make her feel sexy, it sounds to me like she to nervous i hope that helps (it helped me)
I agree with EarthMusic. Talk to her, touch her (not just her vagina and surrounding region) but other areas - her shoulders, arms, face. Love her whole body (and love her!), reassure her that you're 210% there. This shouldn't be a problem as you seem like a very dedicated boyfriend, and you already might be doing all that. Check if the lube you're using doesn't react to her skin? I found that those self-heating ones (yes, the ones that make you tingle supposedly) actually burn the heck out of my insides as if it were acid. That was my first boyfriend and sex was just monstrously torturous and I thought I was allergic to his penis before I finally realized what was causing it. You mentioned things improved with the lube you were using though, so I wouldn't change anything. The number one key is to make her feel comfortable. I'm surprised she's given you a blowjob despite her shyness. It may be she's just getting used to sex in general - how about a rest period and let her come to you when she's ready? Don't push her right now. But don't let her think that you don't want her anymore for whatever reason. Let her know you're there for when she's ready to tell you what she likes or is ready to explore. Another possibility is that the birth control pills she is on are lowering her sex drive dramatically. Choosing the right pill can be a very longwinded trial and error process until you find one that is best suited to your body, meaning one that does not have very large side effects due to the shifts in hormone levels. Maybe encourage her to see the doctor without alarming her. The first time I was on the pill, the doctor surprisingly just wrote a subscription, and didn't explain in detail how the trial and error process works. So my advice, if nothing else helps and she seriously seems out of it or if you realize there has been a change in her desire to get frisky or her general outlook, see her doctor. Or A doctor.
As far as technique goes, (yes, you need to have a technique when it comes to pleasuring girls), watch a movie called Bliss. I believe that http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118742/ that is it. The therapist gives the bloke advice on pleasuring his woman, and so I thought I'd try his techniques and I get rip roaring orgasms from my girls all the time now whether I follow it or not. Sex is largely psychological.
Thanks for the advice. We went away for the weekend, and things went quite well. More relaxed, more fun and overall it was a better experience for both of us. We tried her on top and found a pretty good rythym although her legs got tired really quick! We also TALKED about some things, and basically i've realised what most of the replies have said: take my time, relax her and it's not all about the vagina and the penis. She wants a longer, more intimate experience, and we also talked about confidence. She seems more comfortable now and i'm a fair bit happier. I'm gonna look into that vid too and get some advice there. We've decided to book a hotel room back home for a night and she seems very excited about it, so i'm much happier now. It's nice to have "someone" to "talk" to about this kind of stuff, cos sometimes, ya just can't say "my sex life's crap" to your mates, even the closest ones! So thanks for the replies!
and don't forget foreplay is not just vagina/penis centered. God gave women breasts for feeding AND for pleasure. That's one kind of oral she won't "no.,no!" If you've got a hotel room, it will have a shower: get in it together and lather, lather, lather. As you are rinsing her off, she might feel clean enough to take a tongue on and around her clit. Enough of that and you're suddenly the world's greatest lover making love to the most relaxed woman in the universe! Go for it, dude!
yeah I was gonna say to take a shower together and wash that pussy good, it could be she's concerned over smell, looks or something to let you oral her. Try giving her oral in the dark where she knows you can't see her pussy, at least for the first few times, so that she may get acquainted with the sensations. Once she cums like this there is no going back and you may then turn on the lights (to a romantic dim of course).
I remeber the first couple times i had sx i was really self concious an donly wanted to do it in the dark..but my boyfreind just made me feel really comfotable after a while ju st by telling my things liek i am beautiful and he loves me and everything..so give her time i guess, but just make sur eu keep telling her that you love her no matter what and that she shouldnt be self concious with you.,.and with the oral thing it took me a while too becasue it does smell funny and sometimes at first down there but i usually shower before sex or just clean up before we do anything..and i ahve no idea why she doesnt like getting fingered lol..altough soetimes it can hurt if the guy is going to hard...so i hope some of this helps...oh wait and if she is self concious abvout the tastes and smell of her pusssy then get flavored lube...it might make her feel better that it tastes better to you...best of luck
The pain she feels is mostly psychological, the most powerful sexual organ is the brain, she needs to be really turned on to enjoy it. Having a thick hard cock in your vagina (and when I say 'your' I mean women in general) can be painful if you don't THINK it can be fun, she needs to look out for the pleasurable side of being penetrated. So basically, turn her on big time!! Lots of foreplay, wet kisses on her neck and breasts, and when you penetrate her start SLOWLY and gently. Hope this as helpful. Anyway, happy freakin'. :b
