A Cry For Help !

Im 38yrs old and a virgin, my problem is i masturbate alot, 3/4 times a day sometimes it can be more to the point im sore, anyway reason im reason im posting here is i need advice, i have a major problem which tbh is scaring me and upsetting friends i have, when i get aroused i seem to want to tell ppl mostly women that im hard, need to masturbate or i am masturbating, and the way i do this is either msn or some sort of chat or through a game called world of warcraft, in this game u can whisper ppl, so when i get hard and need to masturbate i pm a female i know, or if theres a female character i whisper them, and tell them im horny and i need a to masturbate or i actualy am, now this is freakin me out, as i dont have an answer why i do this, but what scares me more is say the person i whisper is a child, i dont want to do this, i enjoy masturbation alot being a virgin its all i have, but when i get aroused i HAVE to do it were ever i am, doing what i have done as cursed me to loose alot of friends as u can understand as its somethink ppl just dont want to know esp women, and its making me depressed, i dont want to be like this and why i am i dont know as ive only been like it the past 2months, and i just cant explain it why its like im addicted to masturbation well i think i am if im honest but why i feel i have to tell ppl i dont know, so i need advice and quick, i havent been to my GP as yet as i find it very very hard to talk face to face about sexual issues or even masturbation, so i heard about the forums from a female friend, im not sure if this is the right place to post i dont know, and i know most of you ppl are based in the USA but any advice would be welcome, im scared of the future and dont know where to turn, ive even heard from a female friend that there are pills to stop guys gettin horny or gettin a hard on or even stops guys reaching orgasm basicaly kills all sex drive for good, so if thats true will mean i cant get hard so then i cant masturbate and feel the urge to tell ppl but im not sure how true this is, i would like womans opinions if these pills are true and will kill all sex drive and then i wont feel the need to mastubate and upset ppl do u think i shud take them plz giveme ur opinion im not sure what else to write or post, if ive posted in the wrong forums etc im sorry just new to this and very very confused. thanks for you time.

I hope you can understand my post as im completly crap at typing and puttin into things into words so again sorry.

 

It sounds like your problem is more complicated than can be dealt with on the internet. Talk to your GP. They may give you a referal. I am not a shrink, but your need to talk to women when you are horney sounds like the start of problem exhibishionism. You are wise to see it as a problem. Unfortunatly, the internet (and this forum in particular) is not suited to dealing with problems like this. Talk to your GP and get a referal to a shrink of some kind.
Good Luck.

 

I agree that we are not trained sexual physologists but to me it sounds like Male Virgin is looking for support and a little guideance.
If you want to throw this into the too hard basket then so be it but I for one am a great believer in helping those who ask for help. To me it sounds like masturbatiuon has become a de facto relationship and as the relationship becomes stale a bit of spice has to be added.
I could suggest things like wanking devices but really Male Virgin needs to find a woman to share his life. Sure he may need someone who is pretty tough and can cope with the fact that not everyone is the same but there are lots of lonely single women out there. And yes before he can go chasing chicks he will probably need professional help to get him to see things more clearly and he also needs us to help him and not just have someone say fuck off and seek help elsewhere.

 

Dude, when Im single I get horny like I cant believe, I dont tell ppl when Im jackin it but Ive done it 2-3 times a day. But Whenever i get into a relationship I dont get that horny when Im alone, only with a partner that I trust AND KNOW will like it. Im not a shink neither so dont jus take my advice jus like that Im jus tryna help out man. But ya that might help. You could meet some hot single moms . at 38 atleast.

 

malevirgin, please explain how you are still a virgin? I smell a load of crap coming from you.

 

People like you are the reason why "older" virgins are all too often seen as "uncool". Oddly enough, more men tend to have the kind of attitude you do, than women do. So many men, although there ARE exceptions(so please don't get me wrong), have this macho mentality that being a virgin is a sign that one is geeky/lame/undesirable/unattractive/impotent. No wonder so many teens race to lose their virginity just to be "cool" without actually enjoying the shared intimacy and the idea to actually please their partners.

However, most women I've talked to about the issue of being a virgin at a certain age and over(say, 25 to 30, and upward) say they totally respect it. At the same time, they also say men who only cares about losing their virginity just to be "cool" are geeky/lame/undesirable/unattractive/impotent.

Hmmm, interesting, isn't it..?

 

Davino you are entitled to your opinion, and why would i have to tell bullshit i gain nothing from it, i posted because im havin issues that im trying to sort out, you say am i still a virgin yes i am im not proud of it then again being a virgin is no big deal, i have more respect for a woman then to just go have sex with them, although my current situation is alittle strange telling them im horny etc etc, anyway i want to post and say how gratefull i am to the ppl who have replied i did post here and another part of them forums, so this post goes to them ppl who posted thanks, im not sure were to go next and what will happen it scares me i must admot because i have never been like this b4 only in the past 2months anyway cheers to the ppl who replied

 

Yeah, MaleVirgin, what you're going through does sound kind of terrifying; thats the case anytime you can't control your behavior, but especially moreso if you're doing things that can ruin your social life. I could even see your problem descending into activities that could get you arrested- public exhibitionism, maybe.

Seriously man, we're here for ya, but we don't have the tools to help you. You REALLY need to talk to a psychologist, you've got some pretty serious problems there. Its awesome that you're willing to acknowledge the problem so soon, but the longer you wait to see someone the harder its going to be to get out of it- you'll just slip deeper and deeper into it unless you take action. You NEED to talk to someone who has training, and in person.

Trained psychs tend to be very non-judgemental, open-minded, and understanding. That field often attracts those sort of people, and the training they have really tends to reinforce that. You definitely don't have anything to worry about opening up to a professional, 'cuz I can definitely tell you that they will have already dealt with things WAY more left of center than what you're going through. Seriously, you'll probably be surprised by how good it feels to open up to someone IRL about your sexuality.

Best of luck, man.

 

Hi all, just thought id let you know i went to my gp and had a chat about many things from masturbation to other personhal issues going on in my life, she still things i should take the pills that will reduce my sexual arousel and probley stop me masturbating, tbh i dont want to stop masturbating if im really honest i want to stop feeling the need to tell people im horny or masturbatin anyway shes made an appointment to see a theropist which if im honest im not looking forward to as im not good face to face especialy when it comes to sexual and masturbation, but we will see how it goes, its totaly freaking me out why i feel this ugre to tell others im hard or masturbatin as upto 2months ago probg alittle longer i never did this, if i was horny i just masturbated without telling ppl, so im hoping if i do pluck the courgae up to see this theropist she will help or have an idea why i do this, but doctor wants me to think long and hard about these pills and tbh i dont want to take them but am i being selfish because i wont be able to mastubrbate again, but is that a good thing bcuz then i cant upset ppl and upset myself when i tell people im hard and masturbatin, so tbh i dont know whats going to happen or how the future will end for me, i must admit it freaks the shit out of me if im totaly honest with you all, anyway again to the people that have replied to this issue here in masturbation and sexual health thanks alot, does feel wierd when ppl alot younger are offering a 38yr old virgin advice when it should be the other way round and tbh its very very embarassing, anyway cheers to them wh posted.

 

Personally, I have the suspicion that some of the posts you've been putting up are about as exhibitionist as the situation you're describing.

Going to a therapist? That should help.

Were I you, I'd probably find a chatroom filled with people with the same kinks and talk it out there. That might not be the safest route, though.

 

I dont have a clue "arrows" its not the masturbating 24/7 that bothers me, its telling women even guys that im hard and jo and ive cum that does, ive lost alot of friends through this, its like i act first then once done i regret it all, anyway i am seeing a therapist although didnt want to as it makes out im some bloody "monster or looser" i guess i am i dunno, anyway we will see and thanks for your reply.

 

Well I can sympathise with you. As a 41yo (almost 42) male virgin I know how scary it can be to talk to anyone face to face about sexual issues. In fact it's that scary that I've never been able to do that. Thats why I'm still a virgin, I can't imagine the embarassment of sitting face to face with anyone (even a doctor) and talking about things like this.......you're a lot braver than I am and good luck to you!!

 

Yeah well I suppose everyone is slightly different but you should really work up the courage to talk to a proffesional about this. That is what they are there for, they are not there to make you feel uncomfortable but make you feel relaxed and open up.
I would like to suggest you find a female relationship councillor but that might be a step too far too soon.
We as a society have come a fair way and these days talking to a proffesional about sex/relationships is no big deal, well that is easy for me to say but I really want you to get out there and make an effort.
I do not want to pry into the actual difficulties you may have but perhaps using the anonymity of this forum might help you to overcome your phobia.
However I will suggest that you don't worry about the sex part so much but focus on finding a suitable partner. Sex is a natural extension of a relationship and you should firstly focus on being able to talk to ladies/develop a relationship. A decent woman will not snigger at you for being a virgin but will be understanding.
Lastly, good on you for facing up to the fact that you have slight difficulties, the next step is to do something about it.

 

Yes I know that professionals are there to listen and help. The problem isn't them, it's me. I'm just too shy/embarrassed to talk openly with anyone about my issues. Talking on here does help, it means that i'm not holding everything inside me but it will never help me overcome the problem.
I'm not even sure that I'd be able to overcome them anyway. When you've been "scared" of women for 3/4 of your life it's not easy to change how you feel. If I could find a partner to be with who wasn't bothered about sex at all then I could probably accept that but even women who SAY they're not bothered about it would eventually want it and that's when you wouldn't see me for dust!

 

Well all we can really do is hold your hand and encourage you to work through your difficulties. The rest is up to you.
Are there any sort of support groups you could contact? Rest assured you are not the only person with this problem.
Like I said earlier, do not focus on the sex aspect but rather on just developing the skills to be able to approach women.
It has been suggested that writing letters is an approach to overcome anxieties. What I mean by that is for you to sit down and write out what you think are the areas of your life that you find difficult. Then you may want to send this letter to relationship councillors, stating that you have a phobia about face to face discussion. I would also suggest you send it to more than one councillor to get a broader range of ideas and suggestions.
Some might just say come in and bring your cheque book while others may reply with strategies to help you overcome your phobia with the first goal of being able to have a face to face session.
Best thing to do right now is to keep going, sometimes it seems easier just to give up but you have taken some big steps and the next step is to fully realise that you won't be able to go forward without some help from people who are trained in this sort of thing.

 

I do agree with wolfie for some of us its really embarassing to talk about so personal things one two one with somebody especialy somethink like my problem or anythink sexual for that matter or as personal, im not sure why it is but i can talk better when i posted here as i cant see the other person if you understand or when i chat to some1 through computer, but one two one i find very hard, but saying that i have recently see the sexual therapist and shes female but it dont make it easy when shes asking questions about when, how many times i masturbate and fantasys etc, i find it very very hard and embarassing to sit and admit to someone that i masturbate esp as much as i do and with the problems im having, but im now there how things will end i dont know, but to them that have posted here im really gratefull.

 

Male Virgin, have you considered that maybe you should just stop masturbating for say 40 days? i mean it seems to me that you have been masturbating for so long that you have become hooked and gotten yourself into a cycle of pleasure and guilt perhaps if you just stopped for a set amount of time it would break that cycle?

Just an idea, from another NON-professional.

 

If only it was THAT easy to do. Never mind 40 days, I managed 6 months without masturbating last year because I feel guilty about doing it but that didn't help me and I doubt it would help Malevirgin either. Sure, if your problem is just a lack of interest in sex with a current girlfriend then it might work but not if you are single and having problems changing that.

 

Malevirgin get off ur ass. U arnt getting any pussy because ur sack is always empty.
Because the boys arnt in ur balls, u have no motivation. Trust me, i stopped doing it as motivation 2 work up the courage 2 mac up my girlfriend at anytime i feel.

 

Malevirgin's problem is NOT anything to do with the masturbating. I know because of what I said in my previous post. Stopping masturbating doesn't
mean you automatically find it easier to approach women or even give you
the confidence. That is the typical reply I expect to see from a 17yo who
is barely out of nappies!!!