The New New Testatment: Revelations: 1

BOOK OF REVELATIONS

REVELATION: 1

Food is not good for thou.

100% of people who eat food die.

 

Woah, now that I think about it, your right.

 

BOOK OF REVELATIONS

REVELATION: 2


If Thy take a bath, thy telephone will ring.

 

That happened to me this morning. It was my boss calling me to say he'd be late to work.

 

BOOK OF REVELATIONS

REVELATION: 3


It is important for thou to eat vegetables.

It will make thou strong, hence you will have the strength to make your kids eat their vegetables.

 

Hey...that just happened to me!

 

Revelation:3

If you play with yourself, there is no need to play with others

 

?????????????

 

well, not necessarily, but most of the time, yeah... :$

 

doesn't this go against number one?

 

this is stupid. God, stop posting these useless posts....

 

If you don't like him, put him on ignore like that pussy Samhain.

 

BOOK OF REVELATIONS

REVELATION: 4

The human mind cannot resist the urge to pop these little plastic bubble sheets that protect electronic equipment being transported.

 

And the human body cannot resist heroin after being fed trick gum.

...I'm cold.

 

And so it is written: Chew thy corn lest thee give birth to brown babies with yellow eyes.

 

Brown babies...yellow eyes...

...did you put brownies in the cloning device with the mothman's DNA?

 

shhh, i'm trying to get GOD to hire me as his prophet *hands GOD resume'*

 

I think he's going to pick up on the lies. There's no way Jesus is a real reference.

 

HE's GOD, He knows everybody lies on their resume's. Pssst...How do you spell Zorastar?

 

Zorastar?

It's spelled: I-l-i-k-e-t-h-e-p-e-n-i-s. I think that's right.