My sister is gettin a divorce...

And I have no idea how I can help her in any way. She's only 21 and going through her first divorce! AND she has a baby thats not even 6 months. The thought of being a single mother is terrifying her, and this man she thought loved her dont want anything to do with her. I know the only thing I can do is be there for her, but I wish I could do more!

 

oh gosh that is sad. it really does hurt when someone you love leaves you. best of luck to her and her baby.

 

im sorry to hear this heather...dont know what to say, but i hope that everything will be alright with her.

 

Wow, that's really sad news, sorry to hear that.

 

Try to get her and her husband to go to counseling.

 

Well, her husband was askin her to do that but she didnt think the problems were all that bad so she was saying no. And now that he wants a divorce, she said she is willing to go but he said its too late

 

I don't know. There's only so much someone can take before something snaps and there's a point of no return so I can sympathize with her husband. ..regardless of how much you loved someone. Love does have limits, especially when it starts to become unhealthy for your own self.

She's your sister so I don't blame you for feeling for her much more. Just try to be there for her, and help her get through her pregnancy if nothing else.

If this guy is so dead set to leave now and your sister persuades him to stay, what's to stop him from leaving a bit later on either way? If he wants to go, he will go. If that something has snapped, it's snapped. Just try to take care of what's left - and that's your sis and the baby on the way.

 

All you can really do is be there for her. Listen when she wants to bitch about life. Take her out and make her feel loved and wanted. I'm going through a split with my s.o. right now. We weren't married, but have lived together for 4 years and have a child. Maybe offer to babysit so she can go out with her friends, try to keep her chin up. She has to be strong for her baby and she will need lots of help with that. She may not ask for it, but she will need all the love and support you can give her.

 

Those were exactly my thoughts. That's why I said they should go to counseling to work their problems out. If they don't, it won't be the LAST divorce. People don't even try to solve their marital problems anymore. It's really, really sad.

 

counselling doesn't help in certain situations. The only thing that can save a marriage is for both partners to put 100% into making it work. When one gives 200% and the other gives nothing (oh, like refusing to go to counselling? pretending the problems don't exist? blaming the other person when both are to blame?), there is no easy solution but to break up and move on. It takes way more than love to make a marriage work.


as for what your sister needs right now, she needs someone to listen to her and not give her advice. She needs to talk about how she feels without any judgment or outside opinions about the situation. The worst thing you can do is to agree with her when she trashes her ex or give her advice, even if your advice is exactly what she needs to do. Just be there for her, listen to her, and lend her your shoulder when she needs to cry.

 

THANK YOU mamaboogie, that was the best advice anyone has given me yet.

 

Are they religious?

if they are, they could try talking to their priest/pastor/spiritual leader....he might be able to help them.

Also, they just had a baby, they are probably having so many problems with that. This guy might just be having a mini-breakdown.

Maybe she could come stay with you?

 

What Sugarmag said--babysit so she can get time for herself.I was a single parent for years and you have to get "out" and have adult relationships or you go batty.Sorry tho.

 

Just be there for her and try your best to understand what she is going through. I never understood when I got divorced why my sister was the one crying on the front steps. I was elated to get rid of that loser and move on with my life (I initiated the divorce), but my sister was upset because she had this fairy tale image of marriage and love, etc. Now my sister understands that I did not love my ex and there was no reason for me to be with him because it was making my life worse. But she knew it was not about her and quite frankly it was none of her business what I did with my life. The best thing she did for me was just be my sister and support me. Not tell me what to do, or tell me that what I chose was wrong or put me down in any way. She didn't try to do anything but hug me and understand. My sister and I have always been close and still are best friends. Honestly, I'm glad she minded her own damn buisness and didn't judge me.