older people hitting on you...

I'm not sure if this belongs in here, but I was looking for opinions and advice. The problem is that I'm pretty sure that my 50 some-year old guitar teacher hit on me the other day, and I'm only 17. Out of the blue he asked me if my boyfriend played any instruments (assuming that I had a boyfriend), and I was like "uh, I dont have a boyfriend". He then replied with "Really, you're such a beautiful girl, I can't believe you dont have a boyfriend". I dont know if I'm overreacting and if he didnt mean it in a bad way at all, but when he said that it seemed like he had planned on saying it, and it gave me REALLY bad vibes. And so now I am uncomfortable with going to the lessons. It was just weird that he brought that subject up because it had nothing to do with guitar stuff at all. So if anyone could give me their opinion or advice that would be great-Thanks!

 

If you're at all uncomfortable...DO NOT GO. Trust your instincts.

Personally, if that happened to me, I'd make a joke out of it...something along the lines of "I don't date outside my generation" or something...LOL

And if he persisted, I'd find a different guitar instructor. I'm sure there was a little flirting on his part, from the sound of it, but I think it was relatively harmless...


Like I said, though, if you are AT ALL uncomfortable...there are a zillion other guitar instructors out there that probably WOULDN'T say those things.

 

if you feel uncomfertable, you should do something about it. you have a couple options here...
1.)tell your parent(s). mayeb they can sign you up with a different teacher.
2.) tell the teacher. this could get awkward but sometimes you just gotta do things you dont want to. how good of a teacher is this? how devoted are you to this particular teacher?
3.)maybe jsut go with it- your teacher may have just been saying it innocently. no matter how old or young, there is usually little debate over obvious beauty. if you honestly think he meant nothing by it, then forget a bout it- until something else happens. then you definitly need to do something before something bad happens.

good luck!

 

Thanks for your advice- it makes me feel alot better.

 

depends if he's a good teacher or not.the guitar - I mean.Your'e vulnerable cos he's teaching you something you want to learn.If it stops you learning - get another teacher.But don't be scared of him - be selfish sometimes - the main thing is learn guitar - it's ggrrrrrrreatt!!!!

 

Agree with the others. Trust your instincts.

Though personally from your story, I would say you're overreacting. I wasn't there however.

People say that all the time but it also depends how they've said it.

Frankly, older people are human too and whatever this disgust youth have with the slightly older disturbs me. - my general sentiment on the issue. Your case may be different.

Either way, one does not usually stop lusting, loving, wanting, laughing, living when you hit 40 or whatever age you may have in mind.

Get out more, chill out. But find a balance and trust yourself most of all.

 

yeah I mean its best to confront the dude and not get others in it, you know he may have just been being nice and all. He really might think your a toad and was just making small talk to pass time and then when you said you did not have one, he made his comment to maybe make you feel better or something who knows. I would say if you go back and you see any sign of things going the wrong way just be firm and let him know that there is no way things will go that way and the time to stop is now unless he wishes to be looking at a lawsuit, jail time and Bubba's Bride for a few years.

 

I had/have issues with men. In the past most men made me feel really uncomfortable. Especially if they showed any kind of sexual interest in me. If someone told me I was pretty or paid me any kind of compliment really, I would then never trust the person again and think badly of them. It wasn't fair of me. Men intimidate me still to this day, and I find that a lot of times now I am looking for the approval of men. See the problem is though, is that it had nothing to do with them, it was all me and my hang ups and my problems with my father, and my self esteem, etc. The men were harmless, and actually pretty nice people whom I shouldn't have judged.

People say follow your instincts, but you need to know where these feelings are coming from. I felt uncomfortable and it was my instinct to get away from these men because they were "no good", but that was just my fear talking, that wasn't my true instinct.

 

You're young and learning a valuable lesson: The world is full of nasty ole perverts! If you are uncomfortable, don't go back. Trust your gut. When you get Creepy Ole Man vibe from a guy, you're usually right.

I got Creepy Ole Man vibe from a man at work for over 2 years before he finally showed his true colors. I kept telling myself that I was making it up, and then one day, just out of the blue, he totally came on to me! This man was in his 50's and I'm 23 !!! I've had it happen with a couple of other dudes too.

Get used to it, girly...you'll be dealing with it for a very long time! Just remember to trust your gut.

 

Definately sounds like he is hitting on you. I would switch teachers. It's highly inappropriate for him to be doing this. There's no reason to be subjected to advances by a 50 year old man just so you can have guitar lessons... find yourself someone else to give you lessons.

 

I guess everyone at my company would be fired for sexual harassment then. I mean the VP of my department comes over and gives all of us gals neck rubs some days and when we go out for events (usually drinking involved) he always hugs and kisses us on the cheek. He is a really nice guy. Has a daughter a little younger than myself. At first I didn't trust him, but now I know how he really is. Harmless. People around the office tease him because he is always looking at all the women's legs. They think it is funny.

There is another dirty old man type here, he is about 80 and he is always making suggestive comments to people here. We just laugh and play along with him. I don't know. Maybe we are all just perverts so it doesn't bother us.

 

I work for the govt and we have a zero tolerance sexual harrassment policy. Of course to be harrassment, it has to be unwanted. If you aren't offended, then it isn't harrassment.

However, I'm in law enforcement and going around giving each other back rubs doesn't really make us look very professional.

That said, there's a difference between a playful hug or back rub and a guy actually pressuring you to have sex with him...I'm all for harmless fun and flirtation, but when it proceeds to him trying to get you into his car or him actually touching you places he shouldn't , then that's a different story.

In the case of the original poster, I don't think a 50yr old man should be commenting on how beautiful a 17 yr old girl is and asking about her love life. It's not appropriate.

 

I comment on younger people being cute or attractive. Does that make me a pervert?

 

Depends on how you say it, and the context of the situation.

Young girl, alone with older man in an authority position, older man starts talking about girls looks and asking personal questions about her love life...Yep, that sounds like a creepy ole man to me!

Now if he did it in a grandfatherly way in front of her parents, it might be a different story. Nothing is cut and dry.

Like I said, the vibe is what is important. You can tell whether someone is hugging you/complimenting you/etc because they're just a sweet, kind individual and when they are doing it because they are a pervert.

I have several older guys at work who come up, tell me how cute I am, and hug me. Some of them give off "grandpa" vibe and some give off "creepy ole man" vibe.

Obviously, the orginal poster is getting the wrong kind of vibe or she wouldn't have started this thread.

In your case, as a 23yr old female, I'd say that complimenting younger people doesn't make you a perv. But if you were a 50yr old man complimenting a young girl in a very specific manner, yes, I'd say you were a perv.

 

I wasn't in the situation, but the way she put it, it didn't sound like he was trying to divulge into things too personal. She said he made a comment about her having a boyfriend, she said she didn't, he says it's a shame because she's attractive. I've said that to people...I don't think it's that big of a deal, really. If it made her uncomfortable then she has the right to go somewhere else, but just because an old person says something, doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to hit on them. Back in the "old days", saying stuff like that was probably just polite. *shrugs*

I think that sounds really sexist and really ageist.

 

I agree, saying that you are a pretty girl, why don't you have a boyfriend, or I believe the way the original poster put it was that he assumed she did have a boyfriend because she was so pretty, I just don't get what is so wrong with that. Again none of us were there so it is hard to say. Something I just realized about younger women though, and I was the same way, they always think men are trying to have sex with them or hit on them, etc. Sometimes they are just paying a compliment to be nice. And just because he thinks she is a pretty young gal, doesn't mean he wants to harm her in any way. I think a lot of people are pretty and I don't want to do anything to them.

 

I'm just speaking from personal experience...everytime I've gotten "that vibe" from an older man, he's ended up making a blatant sexual offer towards me later on. Of course, you're mileage may vary.

I don't think it's racist or ageist...I think that there is a BIG difference between a 23yr old girl making a comment towards a 15yr old boy and a 50yr old man making a comment towards a 17 yr old girl. The age differences are drastic. By some people's opinions, you're a "kid" until you hit 25 or so anyway.

For one thing, women are not as prone to perv on younger people as men are. Statistically, women tend to be more attracted to men who are older. The opposite goes for men.

Granted, there have most CERTAINLY been instances when an older woman sexually assaulted a younger man...but it is far more common for an older man to sexually assault a younger woman. Because of this, it seems less appropriate for older men to comment on younger girls.

The man may have meant nothing by it....but if it makes her uncomfortable, then she shouldn't be around him.

And as an intelligent adult, he should be smart enough to realize that even if he meant the comment in an innocent fashion, he should probably be careful what he says around young girls considering the mindset of our current society.

 

This has nothing to do with race.

It is sexist in that you say it's OK for a woman to say it to a younger male, but not OK for an older man to say it to a younger woman...

It is ageist in that you're saying that "old" men shouldn't say those things...when it's OK for younger people to say it.

Let me ask you this...what if a 50 year old woman made that comment to a 17 year old boy?

Know what I think? I think it's not that big of a deal...just like in this girl's situation.

 

I didn't mean to type racist...I meant to type sexist.

And if this makes me a sexist, so be it. Women and men aren't the same. They don't think the same way and they don't relate to people the same way. End of story. We are different.

I fully believe that a 50yr old man is MORE likely to be attracted to a 17yr old girl than a 50yr old woman is to a 17yr old boy.

It's just the way men are wired. I've got a few older male friends and all of them would JUMP at the opportunity to be with a teenage girl. I don't know many women who want to be with teenage boys though...

I bet if you took a poll of men in their 40's and 50's , you would find that a HUGE percentage of them are sexually attracted to 17-18yr old girls. Do the same poll, but reverse the genders and you'll find that most women of that older age are NOT attracted to teenage boys.

 

I think these are broad generalizations.

Men and women aren't that different...and we should be treated as equals. Wasn't that what the feminist movement was all about? What? Are you saying that women should be favored and we need to walk on eggshells around women? I think that's crap.