i regret my abortion

agreed.

 

If it felt like the right choice in your heart all along, before the procedure then one day you'll know that you made the right choice. In the mean time, get help dealing with your regret. Baby now has another chance in the universe & you another to fulfill your destiny in this world and that's just as beautiful. That's how i feel about my situation...and i've never regretted it.
And this is something coming from someone who was very strictly pro-life her whole existance.

 

I don't want to seem like I'm jumping down your throat and twisting your words, but to me, the way this came across was "she didn't think it through -- she just got pregnant and went to the clinic on the weekend to abort this baby". Sorry, that's just the way the statement comes across to me, and it may not be the way you intended it to come out.

An abortion is a big decision, yes, and it is natural to regret. Though we don't know the circumstances surrounding it. Without bringing up any bad feelings, women get abortions for many reasons -- the fetus has a condition that will cause it a lot of pain and possibly eventually death; the fetus was created by a rape; the mother is not capable of caring for the child; the pregnancy could cause permanent damage or death to the mother.

I myself am anti-abortion but that's not to say that this is everyone's opinions. I can see some circumstances under which an abortion could be considered a plausable option. I know I couldn't decide to do it, but for the most part, I believe a woman can make a sound choice. It's when abortion is used as a form of birth control, I dissagree. I feel that if you are mature enough to have sex, then you should be mature enough to take care of the responsibilities that follow. However, not everyone shares this opinion with me.

Having said that, that is not the topic of conversation at hand. I have never gotten pregnant, and don't intend to for some time (if ever). I empathize with you and hope you made the decision for the right reasons in your life. There are outreach programs put in place all over the continent for women in your situation. Call your local hospital or women's shelter and I'm sure they'll be able to direct you to someone who can speak with you and understand your pain.

Best wishes, my love.

 

and the child spend the rest of its life pondering about its parents and true roots?

there are enough uncared for children in the world growing up with too many problems. i think people should only have kids if they know they can provide for it- with wisdom, with emotional and sufficient material support.

 

you're right, and there's more to it than just casual 'pondering'. Adoption has a bigger potential at forever ruining a persons self worth, morals, value and esteem. Something that can forever hang extremely heavily on someone for their entire lives. I imagine the worst possible teen angst and i multiply it by 100 and make it last a life time. I would never want to be responsible for doing that to a human being. And remember not only would the kid go through this, but the biological parent would as well.

 

aphrodite_pretty, no my statement didn't mean "she didn't think it through -- she just got pregnant and went to the clinic on the weekend to abort this baby." All I meant was obviously, she thought it through, but I don't get how after thinking it through and coming to the decision that she did, she can do it and then afterwards feel regret. To me, regret is like "Shit, I regret never going to college"...something like that. You just don't make a huge decision like having an abortion and then go "Oh shit, I regret doing that." She has every right in the world to feel shitty about it. I'm sure it's a very emotional thing to go through. I'm not saying this girl was abrupt in her decision or that she just went and got pregnant and the next day, aborted it. So please don't misinterpret my words. I'm pro-abortion, and think it was fine that she did it...it was her decision. However, I'm sorry she is feeling the way she is now and wish her to feel better about it somehow.

 

I get it...

And I'm not upset for anyone feeling differently than I do. I am pro-abortion, but whatever anyone feels about the subject is fine with me. It's not a difference of opinion that's the problem here. I was just expressing a misunderstanding and have already apologized for the blunt manner I went about it.

But anyway...I hope the original poster is able to get help and feel better about her situation. And that's all I have left to say.

 

I didn't think that was the case, but again, that's just how it came across to me initially. I meant no disrespect, as you too are entitled to your own opinion.

It's very easy to regret a decision if you don't weigh in the emotional factor. Clearly, one could judge the situation without any emotional factors involved -- can't take care of the baby, too young to have the baby, the father isn't willing to help, etc. -- but if the emotional impact isn't weighed when making the decision, the complete impact isn't felt. She may have made the decision for all the politically correct reasons, but in the end, her mind and heart feel differently.

I understand. Again, I didn't want to seem like I was jumping down your throat or twisting your words. I was simply responding to how I might interpretted the statement.

I agree completely. Blessings to you!

 

That's the best way to end this. Now let's focus moreso on the original poster and her issue at hand. Can anyone offer any more positive suggestions or help?

 

I'm copying this from http://www.birthkeeper.com/HealingAbortion.html

I'll omit the beginning, but recommend reading it. I feel this is the most pertinant. I wonder if something like this could be done online, somehow.

Healing Abortion Ritual: A Community Resource

Preparation: Invite all who attend to place in the center of the ritual site their power
objects (medicine bags, special pieces of jewelry, crystals, totems, etc.)

This ritual is for all of us--those who have heard about, seen, and/or experienced
abortion. The purpose is to heal our personal and collective experience of abortion.

All those who have not had an abortion, not even witnessed one in person, are the
"EARS." They form the outer circle.

All present that have seen an abortion yet not had one are the "EYES" and come into the
middle, forming the second circle.

Lastly all who had an abortion come into the center to form the inner circle. They are the
"HEART."

We ask everyone's agreement to seal us all in a sacred space together. If appropriate, a
prayer is offered asking for healing. A trust is made amongst the participants to let
whatever happens in this circle stay here and not be shared outside of the ritual with
reference to the specific individuals. Confidentiality is vital for this trust. Anyone not
willing to keep this trust is asked to leave. At this point when all have found their
appropriate places and agreed, we close the circle.

Next sing sentimental and power songs to set a sharing mood. Depending on the group,
"OM-ing" may be appropriate. I usually try to make "Rock-a-bye baby" the last song we
sing before the stories begin..."and down will come baby, cradle and all."

Beginning in the center circle, one by one, each tell their personal experience with
abortion. A power object is given to one person in the center circle to begin the sharing.
The inner circle is counseled to speak "from the HEART, as a HEART." When finished
with the story, the power object is passed to the next person to begin their story. A good
power object is a box of tissues for much crying occurs as the HEART spekas. Needless to
say, men as well as women can participate who have had an abortion. Even though a
man's body is not so obviously involved, it really is. It is his sperm and his baby which
were aborted. Sister circles are more common, however.

After the center circle has spoken the middle circle passes the power object and each
person in turn tells their story of witnessing an abortion. This is where "health
professionals" share their experiences as well as patient advocates and friends who
accompany sisters into the abortion clinic. The focus is on what one saw, and the "fair
witness" is urged to speak honestly about the full range of feelings and thoughts evoked
during the abortion.

Third, the outer circle now speaks and shares what each heard during this ritual. The
feelings and thoughts brought up by the ritual itself are expressed by the "EARS."
Summations are encouraged.

The ritual, if time permits, is made more powerful by bringing the power object to the
inner circle once more. Again the "HEART" is asked to tell its story. I am always amazed
at how much deeper the participants go with the second telling of their experience. More
details and fuller processing of the experiences come forth. Originally the ritual came to
me with three full tellings as the goal for each circle. However rarely have we had enough
time to go through the circles three times.

Toddlers and babies travel in and out of the circles. We image there being a
semi-permeable membrane around us to allow their passage. However, adults are asked
to stay throughout the entire ritual. No comings and goings. Mothers with children are
asked to have all their things with them in the circle that they might need to tend their
children for the duration of the ritual. Allow at least 11/2 hours to go through once for a
group of a dozen participants.

I have facilitated this ritual with small groups of a dozen and also larger groups of 200 or
more! Intimacy can readily be created in these big groups with much singing at the
beginning and a passionate explanation of the importance of healing abortion in our
culture for us all.

Be prepared for there being a fair amount of crying from the babies and toddlers present
during the stories. The young ones pick up on the emotions and express those sad and
angry feelings easily. It is best to also make an agreement that each person present tend
whatever toddler is nearest them if the child needs it. If a baby is crying a lot, the best
help is for each adult to go inside their own primal space and soothe themselves. Say
silently those things which calm. Comfort the children and comfort the adults as well.

When the last story has been shared, sing once again. Anyone who feels the spirit may
initiate their favorite song. End on a positive note with a healing song. Have a formal
closure by opening the circle with permission of the participants. Before you do, ask if
everyone is complete with this ritual. If not, process what needs to be done. Ground the
energy, by prayer or some reminder of each one's divinity or spirit which has been healed
by being here together. Encourage the participants to take this ritual to their own
friendship circle and share it wherever they might live or travel. Each are seeds (eggs)
which now carry the beginnings of healing to wherever our lives lead us. Always thank
the local and universal divinities for the opportunity to gather for this healing purpose.
Lastly, remind all who placed power objects to reclaim them and let them be spiritual
carriers of this Healing Abortion Ritual home.

 

A lot of people feel that way after having an abortion. It can be traumatic. Please get some help. Please take care of yourself right now. Even though things seem really shitty right now, they will get better. I really think you should find someone who deals with this specificly, or with grief and loss, to talk to right now. You need to get some counselling.

 

*Lily* Dont be so hard on yourself. Many women have been faced to make the same decision you have and many regret it. Your body had prepared to have a baby. Many changes occured. For one your mothering instincts have awakened. Its hard now because there is nothing for you to mother. I still deal with those feelings and its been 5 yrs. I used to watch women with children and yearn for a child. In time when you heal more try to incorporate kids in your life. Now is the time to talk about it and understand you did make the right choice for yourself. The fact that you knew you couldnt have the child for whatever reason shows that when the time comes you will be responsible and you will be a great mom. Dont let this take over your life. Someday you will go through the whole day without thinking about it, and then you will go through a week. It will never leave your mind completely that is why you need to make peace with yourself. Talking to people who support a womens choice is your best option.

 

This probably doesn't help much, but its what I live by... "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss..."- Rent. I'll be praying for you.

 

thankyou so much to everyone who's posted here, i'm touched by the amount of people who have.

to clear a few things up, i did think it through a lot, every day all day and i grew very attached to it. the thing is i am dealing with major depression, eating disorder, was not in a stable relationship, had huge debts, was very unstable myself, also before i found out i was pregnant i had been drinking and smoking A LOT and i always thought that when i have a child i will never smoke, not drink throughout the pregnancy, would not even eat food with additives in et.c. so the thought that i may already have harmed the baby from my drinking and smoking was awful.

i'm not trying to justify my abortion here (or maybe i am???) but i just wanna make the situation clear.

in my head i felt i couldn't have the baby, even though i guess in my heart i did want it. i just felt like there was no way i could be any kind of mother with everything going on in my head. i am currently watching a friend of mine fall apart because of his mother who has many many issues, and i have seen people fucked up before because of their parents. i do not want to be a parent untill i know that i can teach my children about life. i cannot do this at the moment because i am all over the place.

anyway... now i have just been feeling like maybe all of that doesn't matter. maybe all a baby would need is for me to love it, and i would have loved it. so maybe i have killed a life for no other reason than selfishness. i suppose i thought it would be better to have a child when i can take care of it properly but the thing is its not the same as putting the baby on hold and having it later. yeah i can have a baby later in life but it will never be the same baby and it's that fact i think which has just smacked me in the face.

i will never ever get to know the child that once lived inside me.

 

Do we want to help Lili as the Ritual described? I've had blessing ways which have been helpful during pregnancy, and I think, who is serious about helping Lili could participate.

I'm an "ear." I've not had one, nor been present at one, but I do know womyn who have had them.

Do we want to do this? Lili, do YOU want to do this? It could be helpful, but if you don't want to, we won't. It is up to you.

 

God what a stupid thing to say. Idiot.

 

honey i know exactly how you feel. i had one almost 8 years ago and there are still days when that is all i can think about. counseling is definately something you need right now. alot of thought went into my decision, i had an 11 month old son at the time, was not doing well financially & was in a troubled relationship at the time, the last thing i wanted to do was bring an innocent being into that mess. for the longest time i was extremely depressed & wouldn't talk to anyone. so i applaud you for seeking help as soon as you have. what helped me cope with it the most was talking to my partner. i put that off for almost 2 years, thinking he'd think i was overreacting, turned out he was suffering just as much as i was. talk about it girl, talk to whoever will listen, believe me it helps. and i'm sure you put plenty of thought into your decision, and made the best choice you could at that given time in your life. regret will stick with you for a while i kid you not, but it does get easier with time. if you need to talk please feel free to pm me.
{{{huggs}}}
peace & love,
twist

 

wicca witch, I know that post upset you, and it was an insensitive post, but please don't use personal attacks.

I appreciate it.

 

Sorry, that post should have been reserved for a PM

 

You did make a very big decision that your not happy with right now. I would pray to God because he is the only only who can relieve this regret hatred of yourself. You have to ask for his forgiveness. I will pray for you as well. Life goes on and you should too.