Dearest Wife.. This is a letter about sex that I can never seem to say to you. Whenever I bring up the subject of sex, then it is about me wanting sex. "Sadly" enough, yes, this is part of it, but believe it or not, it is also about connecting with you. It is during times of intimacy that I feel that I am the most special person in the world to you. It is more than just fulfillment of pleasure. No, it is that moment when two people who have committed themselves to each other have the opportunity to show each other how important the other is. This is done by sharing the most valuable of resources each has….their body. This is the giving of the inner self and emotions. It is an expression of love and commitment when done with the one who means the most to you. I cannot say it any plainer than that. But you have no interest in sex anymore. You tell me that you do not need it, so then why can it be important to you if you don’t need it? And if you don’t need it, then it really is about me wanting it. I wish I could answer that satisfactorily, and then I think I could change you. You say that it isn't necessary for a good marriage. I ask if you would be offended if I sought sex elsewhere. Your response: "If you cheat on me, then you will never have sex with me again." I am beginning to wonder whether I have reached that point. If you no longer want sex and I have a "desire," then I may have to look elsewhere even if it is cheating. Truly this is not something I want to do. On the other hand, I did not get married to become celibate. You were once different. For years we shared many moments of sex and intimacy. At one point, you told me that “we should do this more often because I feel closer to you when we do it.” What has changed? Now you longer need to feel close to me? I cry inside when I say those words. I cannot tell you how often I look at you and yearn for a few more moments of touching you, feeling you respond, and moving with excitement. Nothing is more special than those moments. It is those moments that I know that you love me. It is those moments that I realize that I "am the Man." You have many reasons why you have no interest. But what it comes down to is that you do not want to share yourself with me. You wonder why I do not want to spend more time with you, listening to you tell me of your day. It is not that I don’t enjoy it, because I do. When I listen, I look at you and admire your beauty. I see your eyes twinkle, then spark with anger, or show compassion. I long to reach over and hug you when you are sad and kiss the tears away, but I don’t. For I know, you will think that I am thinking of one thing. I want our conversations together to bring out the passion in you. I want you to feel that connection of love. I want you to spontaneously jump in my lap and kiss me. But I know that when you do, it will end there, because when we finally are alone, there will be a multitude of reasons why you no longer have interest. You are tired, you need your own time, you have too much work, you just did too much work, your muscles or head ache, it is that “time of the month,” or you simply aren’t in the mood. This wanting on my part makes me feel selfish and uncaring. Yet you will tell me, “it is not you, it is me.” How can I believe this? What can I do differently? You say that you do too much work, and I need to help. Maybe if I helped more, you would have more energy. Yet you ignore the many things I do such as laundry, dishes, parenting, etc. “Those are what you should be doing. You should be doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.” Then when I do these extra things, you thank me and say you appreciate them. When I reach as if for sex, you act like this is abnormal. “What, you think I should pay you like that?” No, I don’t, but you said that this would make you more relaxed and “in the mood.” Now you act like I am treating you like a hooker. How can I think it is not me that you no longer desire? If I don't help, sex is withheld. When I do help, it is not supposed to be expected as a reward. So, if it is not me and it is you, then what can I do? You say there are no other men. But the way you say it so emphatically also makes me wonder. You used to be more loving to me. You used to hug me more. You used to have that look in your eyes. Now you don’t. And I wonder. When would you have time for another man? I do not know, but yet maybe someone has your attention and passion. I look at myself and see many flaws. I am older, balding, fatter, and more. I am not as confident as I would like to be. I am not as strong as I used to be. I am not as powerful as other men. I am not as rich as other men. Has someone else captured your heart? You say it is because you do not like your body. Yet you do not attempt to change it. I have never said I had a problem with the few pounds you have put on. To me your body contains your spirit and personality. I love this persona with all of my heart. No one else can come close to giving me the feelings that you do. Yes, there are beautiful women. Yes, some of them even show interest in me. No, they cannot compare to you. For you only can make me feel the way that I do. And you are the one that I want to make feel incredibly special to me. Your body will always be beautiful to me. A few extra pounds do not an ugly woman make. My dearest wife, what else can I say? You are the love of my life. How can I make you realize that sex is an expression of our love for each other and is very important for our marriage? With My Deepest Love and Concern, Your Husband
I love my body. I'm getting older, & I'm still in great shape. I get mistaken for being in my twenties quite a bit. However, with my husband, now my ex...Honestly, his love for television, & porn killed us. I'm happily living with my twenty five year old boyfriend of over a year now. Our problem began with him hiding porn. Stashing it in the car, the lying. I couldn't understand why he would not share it. He said it was because he felt ashamed of it. My answer to that was...If it makes you feel ashamed, & guilty...Why do it? Is it like weed? I like weed, I don't feel guilty about it, but society says I should... The most I could get from him was that it was a vicious cycle of guilty pleasure. That's great, but between footy sex, (he had a fetish) & his porno time...Where the hell did that leave me? Thirties is high libido time for women. I want it too! He never came through on the foreplay either. Always irritated me. What it finally came down to was..If he's lying about this, what else is he lying about? I'm not sure what your situation is...Maybe you found something in my story that could help you..I don't know. I think you should show her the letter. If your marriage is failing in some way, why not? What's the worst that could happen?
you are the fucking man; no sex, don't bitch, just get to the root of the problem. Nice work, if she doesn't get the picture from the letter then just buy a fleshlight.
from the letter i can say it most definitely is a problem with the relationship.... sex isn't desirable when you don't get along with the person in other important ways... when you find that person you love and you share that love with sex, nothing can compare really.... but when you're so close to somebody as you are when married, then there are more aspects of the relationship that need to be going well in order for sex to as well.... the rest of the relationship doesn't need to be perfect, but the love still has to be there.... sometimes the sex dies because the love already did a long time ago... you're on the right track i think in that letter.... counseling may be in order... maybe she can fall in love with you again, and maybe it's time to move on and find somebody who loves you and wants to share that love physically. i've been there. (not married, but not wanting sex because the rest of the relationship is blah and i don't feel attractive or wanted, or don't respect my boyfriend as much as i used to)
