Child sleeping in parent's bed: Good? Bad?

My parents never slept in the same bed together...they had a really terrible relationship, so I never saw them.

So, growing up, my mom slept in the same bed with me. Up until my sister was out of the crib, then she slept in the same bed as her. Do you think this is a good thing or a bad thing?

Could that be why my parents never got along in the first place?

Growing up, I always thought everyone slept with their parent. But it did create a dependence between my mom and I.

However, I think it does create a bond with the mother (and father!) and child to sleep together.

what do you think?

 

Many of the people here are very into attachment parenting and co-sleeping, and though I'm not a parent, I'm right there with them. There's so much benefit. I had some suspicion that I'd been raised this way, though I have no clear memory of sleeping in my parent's bed as a regular habit, and when I asked my mom about it recently, she explained. The reason I didn't have some memory of sleeping in my parent's bed was because it wasn't THEIRS, it was OURS. They had a super-king-sized mattress where we all slept for a long time. I thought this was pretty funny, because I even have memories (from before that time was over) of nursing, yet I have no memory of the "family bed" as she called it.
So, in answer to your question: GOOD

 

We co-sleep with Leane, and we love it.
She usually won't sleep if she's not in our bed.
the only thing that kinda sucks is the sex part.....if we try to put her in her crib unless she's konked right out, it ain't gunna happen.....
for the most part, I think it's a great thing.....you carry a baby inside you for 9 months, and then expect them to sleep in a cold crib away from the scent and sounds they've come to know and trust....doesn't seem right to me. It also shows her that sleeping isn't a scary thing when she has the people/things that make her feel comfortable.
They will pick the time when they're ready for they're own bed....

 

I read a long time ago, "Why do the two oldest and most mature people in the household sleep together, and yet we expect the tiniest, most immature person in the household to sleep in a bed by themself, often in another room with the door closed?" Co-sleeping is a good thing. I don't mind at all except for the fact that our bed is too small for three people. DH on the other hand hates it. He wants the bedroom to be ours with no little visitors.

As far as sex goes. If she's in the bedroom, that leaves the living room, dining room, kitchen and bathroom for sex. You can make it work.

Kathi

 

that wouldn't be a problem if my mom wasn't home at the same hours as he is.....
I don't think that she'd want to come into the kitchen and see her counter being defiled.......just a thought.......

 

LOL
We went on vacation a few years ago and all shared a room (me, bro and our parents). Apparently mum & dad used the ensuite bathroom for uh 'adult activities'. Am glad we didn't know at the time because hmm yeah not desirable mental images when you're 15.

Anyway ...
Couldn't make a judgement on your family dynamics, as I don't know you.
Our neighbours have been married for years but don't share a bedroom (because DH snores fit to wake the dead), it works just fine because their relationship is otherwise solid. So I wouldn't necessarily say sleeping seperatly = bad relationship.

As for children; they have a natural dependance on their parents anyway, and that doesn't stop just because it's night. Cosleeping acknowledges that and promotes bonding* and security for them. Most cultures cosleep because it's a natural/instinctive thing to do. My mother was initial dead against cosleep but ended up doing so (after a fashion). We stopped of our own accord around the age of ten.
Am convinced all the anti-cosleeping stuff is just a vicious rumor put round by the crib industry. Surely it is was that terrible then humanity would have quit doing it years ago.

*which I guess is also true of lovers sharing a bed.

 

No. Most Attachment Parents have long, and often lifetime relationships. In several studies the divorce rate amoung Attachment Parents is lower than other types of parenting.

However, there are some people who use a child in the bed to keep the other adult out, as they know the other adult will not want to be there. I would say, if the child was used as a sheild, the marriage was in trouble LONG before the kids were born.

Most couples who cosleep, do so with both parents in the bed, with the child. Although it is common, in the early months, where baby is waking and crying a lot, for dad to sleep elsewhere occasionally, so he can get a decent night's sleep. But, usually, in co-sleeping both parents are involved.

Co-sleeping is a really personal issue. Every parent needs to decide, based on the neeeds of the individual child, whether it is best for them, best for them once in a while, or if an other sleeping configuration would be best.

 

I woke up this morning to find that my 6-year old had wedged herself between DH & myself sometime during the night again. She didn't feel well, and thought that sleeping with mummy & daddy would help. And it did... she slept in until 9:30

I think that cosleeping is a wonderful thing, in most families. But BOTH parents MUST be okay with it for it to work. It sounds like in your family your mom might have been using cosleeping to not be with your dad Annie... that I don't (and can't) agree with. But cosleeping in general does seem to help form tighter parent/child bonds
love,
mom

 

i'm a HUGE CO-SLEEPING ADVOCATE. our bed has mam, papa and thre kids in it. the children will self wean from our bed.

 

Dh and I don't sleep in the same bed because he snores so loudly that I couldn't sleep well even before ds came along. And despite what my Dr. Dobson loving inlaws think, it is not ruining our marriage....actually, if I were to have to share a bed with him and never get any sleep, that would ruin our marriage because I would smother him in the night! LOL.


Now that we work different shifts, ds sleeps w/dh from bedtime til about 5am when dh goes to work, then ds toddles or is carried into momma's bed in the other room. On my off days we mix it up and I often sleep with him the whole night. I think I will be a little sad on the day he doesn't want to sleep with us anymore! And when I compare him to children who I know were left to "cry it out"....well, then I know I am doing the right thing.

I find it strange that if we travel and stay with an inlaw, they are freaked out by the fact that we would like two bed and we are in two separate ones, but had no problem giving up two beds when one was for ds alone!

And this is my paranoai (sp) because my job requires me to watch the news all night...but now I am glad that ds is in the room with us because if anything were to happen, he'w with us. Not to be morbid, but I see it all the time: fire kills babe because parents, often on another floor, couldn't get to it; babe is snatched from house, room was too far away for parents to hear anything, etc. etc. ***shudder***

Tiffany

 

naw. if your parents relationship wasnt a very strong relationship in the first place before they had kids, then the stressors of becoming parents could have just been the final proverbial straws that broke the camels back. pple seem to think that having children will bring them closer together, but if the relationship isnt that great in the first place, the opposite happens

 

Yeah, I understand. Is it possible you man has sleep apnea? My dh does this, and I think he has apnea, as he stops breathing for almost a minute at a time. He refuses to see a doctor about it (and we saw a show with a man on a C PAP machine, to facilitate breathing in apnea patients and now he even more wants to avoid it.) The thing is, dudes with apnea are more prone to heart attack and sudden death. I keep telling Bear if he won't see a doctor, to increase his life insurance. LOL! Once in a while I actually crawl into Sage's bed, if the noise gets too loud. You can hear my man downstairs, in a big house, when he is snoring. Ugh.

 

Ugh, Dobson. SLAP those babies! Blech.....

 

My dad has severe sleep apnea, and he's been using a C Pap almost as long as I can remember. I have some vague memories from early childhood of being able to hear him snore from downstairs when I was up late (but being used to it at such an early age it never disturbed my sleep). Snoring can be a symptom of VERY SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS. And sleep apnea, in addition to causing snoring and elevated risk of heart attacks, etc because of lack of oxygen (makes you stop breathing) also makes your sleep much less restful, and hence can cause you to doze off frequently and easily in your waking hours.

When my dad finally did go in for a sleep study and get diagnosed, his condition was so severe, his doctors/techs actually woke him up after several minutes and wouldn't let him go home or back to sleep, because they were worried he would just drop dead.

I'm going to shut up about this now, but seriously, Maggie, make you man go in! This is serious!

 

I know............

 

I coslept both my daughters as infants. Then they just ended up in my bed during the nights when my husband was working. When the girls and I moved out, we shared a bedroom(my old room at my parents' house)..now that we are out on our own now and they have their own bedroom complete with cushy beds, I still wake up to find them with me. I actually like waking up and seeing their funny heads on my legs.

Parents who complain about their kids wanting to share the bed definitely need to do some soul searching. Space in a bed is a small sacrfice to make for happy kids.

 

I am absolutely with you. Dh went for a sleep study and was like "Just do the surgery to fix me" and they said they wouldn't until he made some lifestyle changes. He REFUSES to even consider using the mask. He actually left the second sleep study. The apnea isn't bad (yet) and I have tried to warn him about the dangers, but to no avail. What is with men and self destruction? Dh hasn't been for a check up in at least four years, and my dad didn't see a doctor AT ALL for almost thirty. WTF?

 

Ok, I've got a huge question here.....
Cody doesn't snore, but he's had this thing were he'll breathe REALLY loud, then stop for a minute or so and then breathe really fast for a few minutes....like he's choking or something. It was so loud it would wake me up and I'd have to rub his chest to get him to semi-wake up and turn over or something. It was usually only on his back that this happened, but sometimes it would on his side, too.
i saw something about sleep apnea on TV with him, and we were wondering about it, but since they were talking so much about snoring, he just kinda dismissed it....
could cody have it???

My dad has always snored so loud it would keep people up....do you think that he could have it, too? Next time that I talk to him, I'll suggest he get it checked out.

 

could be... I've doe lots of research on it, and sleep apnea doesn't ALWAYS cause snoring, but the breathing pattern you described sounds just like it. Especially the sleeping on the back thing. Sleep apnea causes the airway to collapse and close up, and this happens even easier when the person lays on their back.
I remember when I was growing up my dad's machine broke down a couple of times in the night, when there was no way to get it fixed right away, and to protect himself a little better, he would sleep sitting on a chair with his head propped straight.
If you are worried, and especially if you're insured, it is very important to get these things checked out!

 

I'm going upstairs to call the doc right after I type this.
The weird thing, though, is that he hasn't really been doing it since Leane's been born.....or he has been and I'm so tried lately it just doesn't wake my up anymore.