Lost n Confused...sum1 please help....

I have a question...somebody please answer me!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE


I'm a male, at a phase of my life where I'm not exactly sure if im bisexual straight or gay. I know one thing for sure is, I got my first "tingly" feeling when I was 17, now 26, and only felt this way with other girls, never a guy. I have mostly guy friends, alot of guy friends i might add, and I've never felt an emotional attraction to guys before. I think i fell in love once, with a girl, but's it's been almost 3 years since, and I still miss her and think about her atleast once a day, and still get that tingly feeling ocassionaly.

But the weird thing is, when I was about 18/19, I had a dream about gay sex, and I was participating. I woke up in disgust, and confusion, and in a way....it's haunted me ever since. I havn't been sure about myself and even lost my confidence in my sexualioty. Another weird thing is occasionally I see a guy, and I think he's attractive. But I don't get feelings or an emotional attraction the same way as I do with girls. It's more like, oh, that's a pretty flower, or that's a nice car, and I wouldn't have feelings with a car or a flower. But does this still mean I'm gay?


I"m totally confuised.......................some1 please help.!!


I posted the same thing on a nother thread, but don't think it will get alot of views, so I reposted, hope im not breaking the forum rules.

 

what's GBLT people?


thankx for your reply.....but everyone has gay dreams? really?

 

Gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender...

I would say most people have "gay dreams". If you don't find yourself attracted to guys, you're not gay. If you've been in love with a woman, chances are you're not gay. You can see an attractive guy like I can see an attractive girl.

just my .02

 

...I don't think you're gay.


It seems like gay people make you uncomfortable, too.

 

really??? thankx.........


"..I don't think you're gay.

It seems like gay people make you uncomfortable, too."

i'm curious, what makes you say that? i have nothing against GBLT's, i think its perfectly normal, and quite curageous for someone to come out. I just don't think it's my thing. it's just the fact that I find some guys are attractive that confuses me.

 

Finding a man attractive in the way you'd find a flower attractive doesn't make you gay. I'm gay and find some women attractive. Big deal.

 

I think there are plenty of straight guys out there who can find other men attractive without any sexual connotations. But a lot of them would NEVER admit to it. That would make them sound "queer". Don't worry. The dreams are natural. And they don't necessarily mean anything. But the more you worry about it, the more you'll probably dream about it, since it's in the back of your mind. Are you turned on by guys while you're awake? No? You're probably straight.

Oops! This is monosphere. forgot to log out of the SO's username.

 

jp234,

To answer your question, none of what you wrote means you are gay, nor does it suggest that you are. However if I understand it, I do find your libido a curious thing. Not odd, or weird, just curious. You think you fell in love once three years ago when you were 23, but you're unsure. Gosh, I think I've fallen in love about every other month for the past 40 years. Well, I may fall in and out of love for a day or a minute, but it still feels just as intense. Is that the tingly feeling you're talking about?

The media tend to focus on a romanticized version of love. Love at first sight kinda thing. Some people never experience that. But TV, Novels, and Film treat those overwhelming 'true love' stories as a common reality. It rarely happens that way. Perhaps you have a low libido. Perhaps you aren't as overcome with love as I am. That could explain your confusion. Many men aren't ready for love or a commitment until their 30's. I would bet that you simply don't fall in love that easily, or you're not yet ready. (You may never be.) So, that doesn't mean you're gay.

Realizing that a man is sexy or a 'pretty flower' does not mean you're gay either. It means you're aware of people and your surroundings. And almost all straight people will have had a same-sex dream at some time in their life. Freaking out about it is typical too, considering the prejudice surrounding homosexuality. Perhaps subconsciously you feel defensive because you aren't homophobic? Some bigots consider that if you don't hate GLBT folk you must be gay yourself. Alot of our straight friends hear that. Perhaps it's what's going on in the back of your mind when you have those gay sex dreams.

P.S. Like HippyFreek said, homoerotic dreams are natural. Btw, I am doing an independent study of them. If you have the time, would you send a P.M. with a detailed account of your gay sex dreams. Curious minds want to know.

 

hey,
yeah, I dont think that you're necessarily gay.
You probably aren't, like others have said, those types of dreams happen. I've had dream of having sex with a girl or two, but I'm gay.
But I guess you should never say never, because for all us posters know, you coudl very well be. Only you really know. If you truly feel that you couldn't connect with a guy emotionally, in addition to sexually, then you probably aren't gay. But if you feel even a inkling that you could have that emotional connection, then perhaps you are. Who knows?
if it really bothers you, then maybe "try out" a homosexual experience.
But whatever.
Good luck.
Cheers and Love,
Dylan

 

i wouldn't admoit to it neither, but this is the internet, so it's much esaier

 

i hang out with mostly guys, and never felt an emotional type of bond to guys before. but the few girls that I do get to meet, my feelings are almost surreal and in a way, it almost controls me.


but naw, don't thionk so i can have a homosexual experience,

 

i'm curious, but can you explain to me how and when you knew you were gay. did it come on slowly, or did it just hit you out of nowhere. or were you gay as far as you can remember.

 

good question.

For me, it kind of came on slowly. I mean, looking BACK on it, I guess there was always an awareness, subconciously, but never consciously. It just kind of surfaced bit by bit, and I started mulling it over more and more. At first, I thought I was bisexual, because I've had several girlfriends before- and I also had a girlfriend at the time that I came out at bisexual. But then I realized, over more time (months I mean) that I was probably gay. So I broke up with my girlfirend- we stayed great friends- and was confused. Then I had my first boyfriend, and after that, I KNEW that I was gay, since I had never felt anything comparable to what I felt for my boyfriend for any girl.

So yeah, for me at least, it was a process. It doesnt just hit you one day, nad then you're just like YEAH OKAY I'M GAY, YAY! Its more of a "Oh crap...I think Imight be...nah...I CAN'T BE....oh, that guy's hot- shit! I think I am!....nah....she's hot?....I think I'm gay..." and it kind of comes and goes. It all depends on person to person though. I tried to ignore the feelings for some time, but after some months I embraced the feelings.

But thats all I really gotta say.
Good luck with your "self-searching." Just go with how you feel, and really try not to freak out too much. If you DO feel like you might actually be gay, don't freak out too much, like I said. I know the idea of dating a guy sounds so bizarre at the moment, but its not such a deal. Whatever.

Just think, hehe.

Cheers,
Dylan

 

I've been attracted to guys for as long as I can remember. I assumed this was normal, and every boy had crushes on other boys. Then I found out that not everyone felt the same way I did, and I learned of the term gay. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but I've always known.

 

That pretty much sums it up for me too.