Really my last dance with Mary Jane? (warning: long read, but please help if you can)

Again Im sorry about the long read, didnt plan on typing this much, but I figured best to give you all the info, if I want the best answers. Oh, and pardon the spelling.

So about a month and a half ago I did something I always thought I would never do. I was home alone and had the house to myself for the entire weekend. It had been a long week and about 2 months since I had smoked. My plan was to just stay in and bake all day. When I picked my bag up, my dealer also told me that he had some coke. "What the hell," I thought and bought two small lines. I had only done weed up to this point and always told my self that I would just stick to weed and probably try mushrooms eventually, but that was it.

Well the time had come I did the lines and smoked some of the grass. I dont remember to much early, just being really hyper and restless. Suddenly though I had a panic attack and, for what ever reasons, started reading online about how you do coke one and your hook and all these horror stories. This had disolved into a full blown anxiety attack which lasted for the entire length of the weekend. I didnt want to talk to anyone(mistake Im sure) and just tried to deal with it by my self. Oh and this included while I was still high flushing the rest of the weed I had. Well eventually the weekend ended, the house was full again, work week was back. I tried my best to just push it to the back of my mind and forget the whole thing.

Well the next week I was feeling a little bit better but still abit stressed with little bits of anxiety popping up here and there. Well here comes the next weekend and guess what? I got the house to myself again. "Okay, this time Ill do it right" So I pick up a bag from a different dealer, only weed this time. Now this wasnt the greatest weed I ever got, but I always had a fairly low tollerance even when I was smoking regularly.

Come that night I sparked a bowl, but this time it was a little different. Usually it hits me right away, not this time however. It was pretty harsh hitting and for a while felt like it wasnt doing anything. Finally it started to set in but it just wasnt the same as it had always been.

Its kind of hard to explain exactly how you feel when your high I suppose but Ill do my best. The "old days" when I would smoke I would relax and sort of sink back into the back of my mind. I could just sit back and feel like I was falling. Physically everything just felt comfortable, soft I suppose you could say. In terms of all the different smokers on Half Baked, I suppose I was "the enhancer" every thing just felt better, looked cooler, sounded, and tasted(munchies was always one of my favorite things about being high) better. Plus it had always acted as an aphrodesiac for me.

This time however, not. The best way to describe it was as though I was locked up in the very front part of my brain(almost right behind the eyes) and just couldnt get back to the cozy, free falling corner in the back of my head. It was almost painfully uncomfortable. Things didnt have any sort of cool or different look. My bed felt like a wood board, my blankets uncomfortable. Before it always felt like a depressant this time it felt more like a stimulant; I was restless and couldnt concentrate. The anxiety was back and to make things even worse, rather than an aphrodesiac effect it just seemed to kill my libido.

So, stupidly, I got online and stubled across one message board and someone having a similar experiance of anxiety after cocaine. At the bottom of the thread however there was a post saying, and Im paraphrasing here, "you had a bad trip. weed will never be the same again. sucks huh?". I remember quickly turning off my monitor and recoiling from the computer and back into bed, and basically just putting my cloudy, uncomfortable head under the covers and closed my eyes till I finally fell asleep.

The next day, thinking that that was just a fluke, I tried one more bowl, same thing however. Harsh hitting, locked up front in my head, anxiety, and just none of the pleasing feelings I use to feel from being high. I didnt flush the rest this time, I just put it away and just sort of waited and tried to nap through it till I sobered up.

Some of what I had been reading about was neurotransmitters and recptors and was thinking I had just spent up all my dopemine/endorphins/whathave you through the coke and extreme amount of stress I was putting my self through. So the rest of the weekend I took vitamins(trying to build those , worked out, cut the yard, cleaned my room, and tried to look on the bright side, hey at least the whole "hooked once on coke" thing wasnt true and trying to take my mind off things I got some work done(lawn/room).

I had been feeling pretty much back to normal for the next few weeks, libido was back though still not as much as before(again stress/anxiety had probably taken a huge hit to it). Not anxiety attacks. Feeling good.

Last night I had decided to try it again. This time however I tried to prepare my self to avoid the anxiety and tell my self not to worry if its not good, "there are worse things than not getting high". Well it was the same thing this time. Nothing pleasurable or relaxing about it; nothing stirring down stairs. The feelings of anxiety werent that bad, like I said I did try to prepare and actively tried to look at the good side, but they were there a bit.


Well now Im asking the experts. Did I just buy bad weed? Will it "never be the same again"? Have I danced my last dance with MJ? Like I said, there are worse things than not being able to get high; but damned if I dont miss it and feel like a bit of saddness Im saying good bye to a friend.

 

i've never done coke but i have had an experience of having really bad anxiety and weed being no fun for a while. eventually it got better. maybe if you just wait a while... i'm sorry you had to go through all the bummer stuff .

<3

 

Why do it if it doesn't work out well for you?
My SO doesn't partake at all. I say more power to him. If we were all of the same exact chemical makeup nobody would need anti-depressants.
Just stick with whatever makes you happy. If you're lucky enough to enjoy it all straight, do that.
I'm not saying never experiment again if you should want to, but I wouldn't try to force it. I fail to see the point in that.

 

Thanks for the replies. Its not that I am meaning to force it, though I suppose I did try to go back to it too soon. I asked the same question in one of the other forums here and the advice seemed to be the same take a (long)while off and do it with different mindset/setting/company/weed/expectations. Fritz, I kind of like that quote in your sig; it sort of speaks close to home with me lately. Prism thats a Mars Volta shirt right? Nice taste; Deloused tops my personal all time albums list. Spice girls on the other hand didnt quite make the cut, but too each their own. How long did you step back from smoking before you could enjoy it again?

 

hello, I think you should relax about the whole thing. There is no way anyone who done coke and weed together and it didn't work out for them will loose good experience from either one of the two. the thing is because you might still think what you wrote, you might already condemn your experience before it happens. just relax, and most of all, from doing coke ONCE, nothing happened to your brain, nothing at all. your receptors are fine, you have as many as before (+/-5 ) and therefore your dopamine will continue to flow as good as ever !!! but on the other hand, if you never smoke weed again, I think it is not a big deal anyway. (just my opinion, no insult intended)