please tell me how bad it is

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by mauricelcassidy, Jul 29, 2004.

  1. mauricelcassidy

    mauricelcassidy Member

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    i dont write often. i would like to but i dont and i would like to write happy stuff but i dont


    the following is short and sweet but i like the way it flows

    "run away"

    i want to run away,
    run run away,
    dont want to stay,
    not another day,
    and if i run away,
    they say i'll pay,
    i'll pay some day,
    but if i stay,
    i know i'll pay,
    i'll pay anyway

    the following is incomplete i would like to finish it but fortunately the feeling that inspired this is gone


    oh how i hate to love you
    yes i really really do
    the power of this love so true
    as a knife, it runs my heart right through

    as i stand, blood dripping to the floor
    i can only wonder how to attain more
    my heart and soul so tired and sore
    my love so strong through this blood and gore

    a wonderful feeling but oh so painful
    and for my mind its not so healthful
    my withered state is oh so shameful
    but the inner warmth is oh so gainful

    this one is complete

    "not my arms"

    thinking of you, lying in his arms
    brings me to tears, confirming my deepest fears

    i hope it is true, lying in his arms
    that you are at peace, and that your fears will cease

    knowing of you, lying in his arms
    puts up for debate, a question so great

    in moments not few, lying in his arms
    you way out there, i just can not bear

    loving you too, lying in his arms
    i hope he is good, as i feel i could;

    be

    and this is a single line that i thought up i have nothing else for it but i like it

    crying in the shower, helps to hide the pain
    for the tears as they fall, have nothing which to stain

    thank you for reading please feel free to critisize, proof read, make suggestions, or say nothing at all

    peace bob
     
  2. Tye_DyeBrain

    Tye_DyeBrain Member

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    BoB- I really liked this one, I encourage you to keep writing since you said you wished you wrote more often. Even if your poetry isn't always "happy" its a beautiful way to express yourself! Dig it :) Peace n` love
     
  3. anniesandwhich

    anniesandwhich Member

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    bob, i also really dig your style. your stuff is good and i think as you continue to write your voice will change and get better naturally. and don't worry about writing 'happy' poetry, just write what you need to express.
     

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