Well, I have been seeing this girl for around two months and I really like her, and I think she is possibly the best girl for me that I have found in a while. Anyways, we have been hanging out, going to parties, and all that stuff, but not too much couple type stuff. She works a lot and is busy with school too so I don't get to see her very much. I live about an hour and a half away (when I go home for the summer, which is in two weeks) and it seems that she doesn't really want to deal with a long distance relationship. Plus, to make matters a little worse, she is leaving to study abroad in Italy for a semester in the fall. She seemed a little apprehensive about hanging out more and having our feelings grow, so I told her that I really liked her, and I wondered if she felt the same way. She said she does, but she reminded me that she was leaving, and I knew that anyway, and she didn't want to get too attached before she left to Italy (or over the summer). I am fully willing to wait for her, even until the next spring semester, I just feel like we have something. The thing is... I kind of want a females point of view on this situation. I am just going to still take it slow, but I am also not sure if she just doesn't want to even deal with me when she is gone... any thoughts?
Thumbs down. Sorry, mate, but this one's got to go. Do you know her well? It didn't sound like it. Then what are you waiting for? A person you do not even know? After two long distance relationships, I can honestly say they are extremely conditional. People who have vowed they will wait, can very often disappear either way. Judging from her apprehension and reaction, she doesn't want to deal with that kind of drama and heartache when she's supposed to be having the time of her life. I would say, just be honest with her, let her know how you feel. KNOW that YOUR own feelings can change dramatically in three months, what more an entire year. Do not make promises you cannot keep. And do not make her feel obligated to reciprocate the "waiting".
I'm no female, but I'd have to agree completely. I've also had some (all bad) experiences with long distance relationships. They just dont' work. If worse comes to worst, and if you really have a thing going, you should consider having an open relationship, and swinging around for 6 months or so ...
well i would have to say thats exactly what the fuck i wanted to hear since i really like her, but sure i'll take your guys word for it. i'll just let my own personal downward spiral continue. FUCK THAT. i guess i just worded it wrong, or the feelings are just blinding me or something, but i would wait. since i am taking it slow and not totally worrying about what guy she meets in italy, and that junk, i think i should just tell her that i DO feel for her and that if she does meet a guy that she cares for better than me, so be it. but if she comes back looking for love, i'm her man. i would definately not shut down socially with other girls, i just think it would be a good idea to keep it in the back of my mind that she is there. I maybe didn't explain myself enough. I think that it would be a good idea to keep an open mind, but still know that there is a girl that cares for me still... maybe this comes from a lack of experience, but I am defiintely NOT looking for a bogus long distance relationship. I know from other friends experiences, they do not work. I was not hoping to get attached, but hopeful that things will stay the way things are (that way it's easier to let go or understand if certain situations arise). I may be a little inebreated at this point, but I still think that I have had some wise thoughts in the past few hours thinking about this. Any new thoughts?
... because.... i am a stoner that i am giving up for this girl because i feel that i am not myself? or what else? http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=161651
Stay the way they are? As what? Potential gf in the long run? Sure. But make it clear to HER, not to us. You still don't sound very clear at all about what you actually want. If the time you shared was that special, do you think she would forget you so easily? I think it's great that you're willing to let go and swing whatever direction and live your life. I personally think this sounds like a situation where a guy meets a great girl, she's the role model of a great girl and the type that he would like to get to know more for the long term yet he still does not know her very well. It honestly sounds like you're putting her on more of a glory pedestal than she deserves to be solely because you don't know each other well enough. Two months could pass and so could the idea of her. Truly all the best. But all the men who have ever dared to profess any of that bullshit from the start were the first to fall. They were as flimsy and ephemeral as dust. You've been honest with her, and that's wonderful. All that "I'm your man" business afterward is pure crock. You don't know yourself a year from now and many things change.
Yeah... I've definately realized that over the past few days when I have been thinking about it. I think it would be better if we just parted ways after school is out... I'll just let it go like I have done with many girls and things plenty of times in the past. And if she shows up in a year, so be it. Of course, in a perfect utopic world, she would come back in a year and still have feelings, but I know that is complete bullshit, obviously. If she comes back and still wants to do date, I'm fine with that, but it is most likely I will forget anyway. With the whole 'not knowing her well enough' jive, I actually would have to say that you probably right. I don't really know her <i>that</i> much, and since she is working and shit all the time, which should work out anyways because I won't get too attached. I think that just not giving a shit sometimes can help in these situations, for sure. I guess I've learned to let things go. Thanks for the advice.
Wait guys. I read this and I can not understand... WHY do you think long distance relationship is not working??? Ill be in France this summer for 2 months and Ill stay in touch with my bf (we are together for 6 months) and hopefully we will stay together. I just dont get it. What is the problem? I mean... Does this mean that he wont stay with me? We have been separated before (like... 15 days) but now it is 2 months. Can somebody give me the answers I am looking for? Thanks
you know, I disagree. Fuck all this male macho insensitive crap. Let her see your sensitivity, your humanity. Don't try to hide behind how you think men should act or what people tell you they think women want. Women want honesty. They want a man who isn't afraid to admit how he feels, no matter what those feelings are or how weak other men might think he is because of it. If you are willing to wait for her, let her know. Write to her while you are apart. Tell her how you feel, communicate with her!!! If she doesn't feel the same way, there's nothing you can do about it. But, you gotta honor your own feelings. Nothing is more of a turn on than a guy who says he'll wait for you and really means it. seriously. I'm not talking about empty promises in hopes of getting into someone's pants, that's different, that's what Hannah is describing. but not all men are that shallow and empty. some really do have feelings and are not afraid to admit it, those are the guys who end up in stable long-term relationships. If you really want a woman's point of view, it's always the total opposite of everything insanejester has to say! He's fucked up in the head and doomed to a life of solitude and dirty magazines. No self-respecting grown woman is going to ever put up with his shitty attitude and total disrespect for anything female.
