Worst pun EVER contest.

I'm starting a contest for the absolute worst pun anyone can think of. The grand prize is 1 dollar american and bragging rights.

Da rules:

It must be an actual pun, a string of random words, while technically being a very bad pun, is not in the spirit of the competition.

You need a working paypal account in order to recieve the monetary prize.

it has to be funny, in a terible pun sort of way.

It has to be origional, if i can spot it as a popsicle stick joke or something from "Home Improvement", you're out.

There is no limit to the amount of entries you can give.

It has to be in English, I don't know Estonian or Afrikaaner, and i don't have the patience for binary.

Message me with your entry, or post it here.
Example : "did you hear about the mushroom who was the life of the party, he was a real fungi."

 

What kind of animal hates doing laundry?

A leopard because he has so many spots!

 

Where's the pun in this thread? Kinda boring if you ask me

 

Frog Parking Only: All others will be Toad.

 

That's really punny.

Seriously though, is there such a thing as a GOOD pun?

 

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

Why is Saudi Arabia free of mental illness? There are nomad people there.

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.
The job was only so-so anyhow.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't note worthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried, but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.
After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

 

this one was on my string cheese wrapper: Why did the tree growl? Because he lost all his bark!

 

Here is a triple pun:

Three brothers pool their money and buy a farm. Then the trouble starts.
One wants to raise pigs, one wants cows, and the other brother wants chickens.
They bicker and bicker, finally agreeing they can raise all three.
But what to name the farm? More arguing ensues.
Eventually, they go to their father for ideas.
"Thats easy" he says."call the farm Focus"
"Why Focus?" they ask.
"Because that's where the sun's rays meet"

 

Well, my dad let his friend Jake from Church borrow his old guns for shooting practice. I asked Jake how it went, and he said, "It was such a blast!"

Get it? BLAST? Gun? Blast? *slaps knee*

 

Have you heard that new Jewish rapper? Ice Berg!

Let's talk about women! It's a broad subject!

Porn stars are a hard act to follow!

I said I'd quit smoking pot when pigs fly, then I realized they have helicoptors now!

 

hey pun this!

 

Incubus? More like succubis!

 

OK, I've read the first 10 posts on this thread and did any of them make me laugh? No pun in ten did!

 

That's awsome! You win!

(Of course I don't have the legal authority to grant your bragging rights or give you a buck, but the thought counts from sumthin)

 

this ones retarded and im almost amashed to post it.

you can tuna piano but you cant tuna fish.

and i agree zajko should win that was a good one

 

A dairy built a road. What did they put at the edge of the road?

Curd and butter.

 

Don't drink bottled water or you might catch Evian Flu.

 

A school teacher was arrested at the airport for trying to go through security with a slide rule and a calculator. He was charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

 

okay, you win.
pm me with your paypal email thingy and i'll send you the buck...
or don't.
whatever.

 

I actually think the "when pigs fly" one is hilarious!