I have absolutely nobody to talk to. I'm trapped in a vicious multi-faced cycle of loneliness that I can't get out of. I'm too tired to go into detail but I don't know what to do. Suicide seems like the only solution. I'm an alien everywhere I go. I have virtually no friends. I can remember being rejected and humiliated and setting up mental walls to protect myself. I trust no one. You have to trust people, but then those people can hurt you. I want friendships or higher quality friendships. I want a girlfriend. I have horrible social skills and I can't easily or willingly start a conversation or maintain one. I assume people would rather not talk to me before I talk to them. I've just had it happen to me with too many friends: they would rather talk to their other friends than me or belong to groups that would exclude me. I used to be really emotional, crybaby, in elementary and middle school. Since then I've lost respect for every human being on earth. Anybody could walk up to me and say or call me anything and I would feel absolutely nothing, no matter what horrible things they say about me. I don't like having everybody hate me though, so I've become withdrawn. I never hang out with anyone or talk to anyone on the phone. The last time I did was last summer, and I only did it one time. I feel like I'm going to explode. I've been depressed and lonely for a long time. I had put a critical amount of thought into the depression, but almost none into the loneliness. I've realized that the two are almost completely combined though. I've tried to escape to different fantasy worlds. Games never helped me the way I wanted them too. I'm addicted to the internet. I use it like a drug. The internet is a drug. I've become obsessed with wanting a better world, and I'm convinced the only way we can have a better world is under Socialism and Communism, because they are left wing and that means they benefit people. I can see most problems going away, and I can see how though negation of the negation (dialectics) people will ultimately become Communist. Thats not what this thread is about though, because I've had this problem you could say, my entire life. It developed in my earlier years and once I went to middle school it become a problem. Lonely people have high blood pressure, so much that if you diet and exercise it completely negates those efforts. It only gets worse when you get older. White middle age males have the worst suicide rates last time I checked. College guys have a higher suicide rate than guys my age. Basically its just going to get physically and mentally harder for me as I get older, and that is a horrible thought and thing I don't want to have to deal with. If all you have to say is that I'm a whiner and I'll get over it I'll tell you that I'll kill myself before I "get over it". I'm not going to just "snap out of it" without some advice or a good idea on what I need to do. I know I need "professional help". I don't see how it would benefit me though aside from social skill training but to get that I would have to be put into some group with a counselor (and they'd monitor me and other people talking to each other and give directions) and to do that I would have to tell people and make them aware of my problem and if I was able to get professional help and tell people then I wouldn't have this problem. Supposidly 1 in every 5 or 1 in every 4 people feels this way and I'll be lucky if anybody say anything but I don't think it will help. I need to make friends but I'm not going to get any. People like to be friends with people who are outgoing and gregarious, people who are unlike me. I stand their by myself in band and even if I go talk to people they still would rather talk to someone else so they just leave (reject me, though never rudely). Thinking about it, I've been rejected more times than I can count, more times than I want to count. Its like common sense not to talk to me. People are like resturaunts in some Latin American country. You visit as a tourist (or your looking for a friend) and you don't eat at (or be friends with) the resturaunt (or person) that nobody else is eating at (or friends with). You go to the resturaunt (or be friends with) the resturaunt that everybody else is eating at (or the person everybody is friends with). You assume the food at the resturaunt is bad for you. The difference is I'm an introvert and though I may seem bad in public I'm really alive and fun when I'm in a small group or alone with somebody but nobody knows that because they assume that my personality is shit, or maybe it is and I should kill myself. The stupidity of our consumer society has fucked with my self image and now half the time I look in the mirror I'm depressed and think I'm ugly. I'm 6 ft 150-155 lbs. The obvious thing to do would be to find another lonely person and be friends with them, but I can't find any (they mask it, as I mask it). All my friends and the people I talk to at school hate each other and fight each other I've had my friends get into fist fights with each other and steal from each other, spread rumors about each other, and their attitude is "your either with us/me or agianst us/me". Dammit, I am getting memories of being rejected in daycare. Thinking back, in elementary I was friends with all that you would probably deem "losers" and "retards". I was friends with the kids who were largely unpopular, and I was one of them, but we didn't care we just played pok'emon everyday and ignored them (in elementary school). Do you see how I am stuck? Go here http://www.webofloneliness.com/understanding_loneliness.htm if you don't.
I do recommend seeing a counsellor, if for nothign else than for helping you take those first few steps towards rectifying the situation the first few steps are going to be the hardest. We all face rejection, in everything we do there is the chance of being rejected by someone. It's an unfortunate part of life. And sometimes you just ahve to get off your tush and go talk to people until you find a few you can get along with well enough to call them friends. Self confidence is the key to getting a girlfriend - the vast majority of chicks don't like men who need constant reassurance
we've all had friends start fights with us, stab us in the back and spread rumors about us. your situation is pretty similar to what we have all experienced at one time or another growing up. but you do have a problem with depression and you need to seek help. have you thought of joining groups for depression or social anxiety? perhaps you can meet some people of the same sort and make some pretty good friends. so you're 16 years old and you want a girlfriend? who doesn't? most 16 year olds don't have girlfriends yet. friends come and go throughout our lives, some of them are not really true friends but mere acquaintances or just party buddies. real friends are few and those who have them are lucky for it. your are not alone in your situation. you do need help with your social skills. please consider joining a help group. you'll meet others in the same situation as yourself and it's always easier to cope with problems when you have the support of others who understand your needs.
I can't do this. I can't talk to my parents. The social stigma is too strong. You can't even be different (from what people expect) so imagine having a problem.
Give it a year or two, you'll feel better. I went through feeling shitty and depressed and hating everyone all the time....and just wanting to be accepted. I promise....it gets better.
I found when I was 14, I was pretty down. I was teased pretty badly in high school, I thought nobody cared. I wanted to drop out of high school and run away. I changed schools and found people (besides my parents) who really honestly cared about me. Suddenly life got so much better. Some suggestions... -Join a small group/club outside of school (like a socialist/communist group) -Show compassion towards others (this can be as simple as picking up a pencil for someone who has dropped it) -I know its hard.. but try to make new friends, because they honestly don't seem to be good company especially if they're always fighting If you ever want to PM me and talk in private, thats totally cool, I'll PM you back for sure.
It's the Age I think. We all have been there at one time or approaching it rapidly. I had the same feelings when I was you age sweetie, I wanted to die.. well I thought I did bc I was lonely, but come to find out, life had it's own plan for me. Try Googling Mean Bodies and see if it comes up.. read and you will come out with a little understanding and more control over your destiny.. Brightest Blessings Green. sh
Man, just like the others here, I had your life too. I could go into detail, but it would take a long post. I was bullied at school, and when I got home I was bullied by my parents, particularly my mother. Life was HELL ON EARTH for me. The scars have healed though, and I am here to tell you that counselling helped ENORMOUSLY to understand myself and how to relate to the world around me. My family can still say stupid things to me from time to time, but now that I have coping skills it is like water off a duck's back. I never thought that would happen, but it has. Please don't narrow down what counselling is all about. I have not once been in a group counselling session, it was always one-on-one. I know that when you are feeling like this you have a pretty black-and-white view of the world and that creates self-fulfilling prophecies to some extent. Try and put those limiting, "can't do" thoughts out of your head, and face the world with a more open mind. Not necessarily a more happy mind, but a more open mind. I know it's hard, particularly due to the depression, but you need to do it. You say that people could say anything to you and it wouldn't hurt anymore. I beg to differ. It just isn't showing by outward tears and anger... you are turning it inside towards yourself and it is manifesting into depression, and it is building as time goes on. PM me if you want to talk some more. We're all here for you.
depression is a very hard road to travel, but in some form or the other many of us have traveled it. I know you may not want to hear about others because you feel like you suffer alone, but that does not make it true. Depression runs in my family and so does social anxiety disorder. so i tell you this age old saying you must face your fears and seek guidance. there are medications available when the disorders are chronic such as paxil etc.. if this makes another fear of rejection remember that counsiler are not in the business of rejection they are in the business of help and understanding. I worked very hard to get through my depression and now i have problems being alone for very long, go figure. lastly, we love you here brother feel free to keep ask for help, humans are social people and someone else needs a friend too. love
reading through this just now reminded me of how mean people can be and how mean we can be to each other. thank you green for reminding me. that wasn't meant sarcastically, just a thank you for reminding me....
hey green take up an instrument,guitar,keyboards,its an exellent way to express your emotion...most musicons have emotional sensativity problems its an artist thing...plus theres that whole sleeping with your instrument thing...your at a good age/headspace to obsess and create...get off the puter learn some chords,i play sax...then theres the whole chicks & rock&roll thing
i love you. don't bother with mean people. just be nice to them and maybe someday they'll wake up. you seem so smart, and so concerned about people, even though they have been nothing but cold to you. that's beautiful. i think we would get along. you're 16, so legally, you could go somewhere else. i know this is a scary thought, but maybe you should drive/hitchhike around a bit. you'd be amazed, how much your oppinion of people will change, if you are in a situation where you depend on them and they show you kindness. a few weeks ago, my friend and i were in a city we didn't know. we had nowhere to stay, nobody to call, and no plans. i'm like you, i don't generally like or trust people. but i was forced to talk to people, and luckily, every single person i met cared about me. complete strangers let us stay at their house, drove us where we had to do, and made sure we were safe before we said goodbye. when i came back home, i was surrounded by the same angry, mean people i left. but now i have faith that the world is so big and so full of people, and a lot of them are really good and kind souls. please don't think about killing yourself. you are too rare to die . i love you!
