i have a boyfriend, but i think i'm in love with someone else...

I'm a 19 year old female with experience, but not too much of it! i met a guy (nickname of "D") through my best friend. He and I hooked up, sexually. It was the best sex of my life! But it wasn't all about the sex - I had real, raw emotions for him, and he sorta felt the same way. Over time, I began falling more and more in love with him. He made me feel wanted, safe, and happy.

But when he wouldn't take my calls or myspace messages, i began to worry. And then my best friend hooked me up with her boyfriend's best friend. I could feel how much he felt for me and cared for me, but I didn't feel as strongly. We're officially going out now, and I do care for him, but just not as much as I do for D. I am totally confused and I don't want to hurt my boyfriend. Now D has a girlfriend; he says he hooked up with her after I hooked up with mine. But, he also says, it has nothing to do with my boyfriend. Bullshit. The entire time D was with me, he was saying that he wanted to date me, but wanted time to play the field. When I heard about his newly aquired girlfriend, he said he was done playing the field, but i don't know. It doesn't add up.

Should I have waited longer to hook up with D? This whole situation is a mess. Everytime I see him, it physically hurts me. He is all I think about. Am I just using my boyfriend; am I just dating him to have someone around, so I don't feel alone? I feel horrible.

 

If you aren't that interested in your current bf and you're questioning why you even have him around then try calling it quits or at least take a break until you get your thoughts together.. It isn't fair to either of you if you're constantly thinking of another man.. If you felt so strongly about 'D' then why hook up with someone else in the first place??.. I've been in love and there was no way I could just up and be with someone else even if that person had moved on.. If it were me I would take a break and get my shit together..

 

yeah break up woth your current bf because it hurts soooo much more to find out that your love was cheating on you through a friend. Trust me. My x bf did this to me and it hurt more than anything in this world.

 

I'm of the opinion that if you have a desire to stray, then break things off, its not fair to the one you are with to stay in the relationship when you have desires for someone else.

 

Sux that from an outside view you really kinda just used your current BF to feel better about being dumped after the old BF got some. Sad for you that your love was used that way but as you did not like it being done to you, you should not do the same to somebody else who only sought happiness for the both of you. No matter how you wished to say " I really care for him" no doubt you do but obviously not in the way you know you should. So do the right thing, stop worrying about not having somebody and stringing this guy along only waiting to dump him when you find another. You already said it, he is only a pacifier to you for he is not what your looking for, stop making it worse for him and you.

 

Sorry so cold about it, but I hear girls all whine about being used and hurt and they dont seem to believe they do it to guys.

 

Yep, I TOTALLY agree with that. Its true. They never seem to see just how much they hurt us, yet they constantly complain about how bad guys are. It really annoys the hell out of me.

I would agree with everyone else. If you don't have that strong of feelings for your boyfriend, break up with him now before you hurt him. Its only fair to him.

 

very true statement. I've had it done to me on several occasions and it sucks. My values are that I will keep trying and trying to make something work, but when I reach a point where I feel that it will not work or I start to develop feelings for someone else, I move on. I don't hold onto whom I'm with for selfish needs.

I am guilty however, of holding onto relationships to long though, which always ends up creating more pain for myself and who I am seeing. I've been blinded by love on more than a couple of occasions and tried to make things work with women that even though I loved them dearly, they were clearly not compatible with me nor me them.

 

Well, all I can say is I empathize. D wasn't ready for something you were and you moved on and found someone else.

There were quite a few times I found myself getting to know someone else after a break up and they were there as friends.. then close friends.. and then before you know it something else is blossoming.

Yes, it is terrible to think of rebounds that way or make use of others, and play with their feelings but for some reason, I do NOT believe that is all there is. I'd agree with the rest of the posters - get your shit together so that your current bf doesn't get hurt.

I've recently closed one chapter of my life and have done a lot of spring cleaning but I could not possibly have gotten to that point, wholeheartedly, for good, without the help of another man. A wonderful, kind, loving person. He is everything and more than I could ever imagine. I've not known anyone like him. I did feel a bit guilty at the start as we got closer because I knew some of my thoughts were elsewhere. We're still taking it very very slow, and he knows a bit of what I went through during those months.

Take it easy, yea? Things will unfold as they should. If you can't appreciate your current guy, nor can you see the beauty in him... maybe it's time to stop thinking of yourself.

 

learn to like guys who treat you nice and stay with your bf and leave this 'D' guy alone he sounds like a little boy who doesn't know what he wants. I know how you feel but in a different way I cheat if I am not happy because I'm not getting the attention I need but when I am with a nice guy I am very faithful and loyal. I love nice guys and if you want a happy life you have to learn how to be strong and say no to the jerks no matter what because you will end up being hurt. Plus, you can't give your bf a fair shot if you are still into this other guy so let the feelings of this other guy go and focus on your boyfriend.

 

Thats what I wish every girl would learn. Us nice guys always seem to get the shaft, sheesh.

 

guys naturally love assholes.

its kind of awesome.

 

why not just leave the guy if your not happy? why stay with him and cheat on him? there's really no reason for it

 

ya know how women are we expect them to change or wisen up or appreciatte what they have but unfortunatley that rarely (uhum never actualy hah) happens. sometimes people do things where you no longer feel a loyalty to them, this has happened in a lot of my relationships.

I've learned not to wait anymore and it has saved me a lot of potential greif. It's much easier getting over things after a month of seeing somone and not sleeping with them rather than being with somone for a long time and being intimate ect. I guess it's like the stock market it's better to just sell early on when you see it won't be profitable.

 

): I am sorry most of my friends like jerks and I just don't get it. it's not a hard decision...hmmmm somone who treats you right or somone who treats you like crap...let's ponder on that one d:

 

that's a good philosophy

its the one I have, though I rarely sell early as I recognize some stocks do mature in time. I just know that if I ever feel the urge to stray, I leave the relationship. its not fair to the other person to stay in it

 

Actually, I never cheated on my bf. I know how strongly he feels, and I would never do that to anybody, even if I'm with someone I don't like (although why I'd be with someone I don't like...it's retarded). But I've learned, or rather, let myself be loved by him, and I've accepted and moved on from Retardo-land known as D. I'm happy with my bf, and I know that I'll stay that way for a long while. Thanks for all the advice and responses.

 

no offense but ive never been so annoyed with a post my entire life. you are whinney and complainy and the REASON women get reputations for being 'needy' and 'too attatched' all the time. look at yourself- YOU moved on, "D" moved on, whats the big deal? swallow your past feelings or do something about it RIGHT NOW. this is called life, you only live once, so stop wasting all of your time posting about "oh why doesnt he want me blah blah blah?"

ok sorry, your just really annoying.