Tonight I plan on attempting to "break through" for the first time. I basically have no friends, so I have to do it alone which sucks. Other suckage comes in the form of having to do it in the same house as the rest of my family. I live on the second floor of my parents' house. That, honestly, is the source of most of my concern. I'm afraid of wandering down there aimlessly and making them see me like that. They've seen me fucked up on robo and acid back in high school, and I don't want to add another chapter to that horrible story. But I'm also very anxious about the experience itself. As much as I've read about it I feel like I'm never going to be prepared enough for what's going to happen when I finally jump in. Reminds me of the first time I was about to get on a roller coaster. I wish I could have the comfort of another person here. I have some Lorazepam (aka Valium, basically). Do you think it would be a bad idea to take this before smoking the Salvia? It would make me more relaxed...
in a way, your family, who do care about you, though not in the way you want - perhaps, can be your sitters. leave them downstairs. you be upstairs and do your thing. if you do wander, by the time you say the dumbest thing, you will already be coming down, and then you can excuse yourself, and say you felt woosy for some *unknown* reason. it is very likely to be finished that fast, though it may feel like eternity. use a pad and take notes and that can be your main refuge upstairs.
Well my attempt just failed. I took a decent hit of 5x and as I reached over for more to pack in (since i was hoping to "boost" myself up slowly) i began to forget what was going on. there were arms helping my hands pack the bowl... i kept saying "thanks guys, thanks" cos is seemed like there a dozen elves or helpers or osmething in my room. i couldn't see them but as i was packing the bowl my whole right arm "seemed" to be one of them. they had big noses. Wow this is weird to describe. Was pretty intense for those first few minutes, but definitely no breakthrough. just a whole bunch of confusion involving worker elves in my bedroom for a minute there. It was really brief. After the elves laid off (which was only about 30 seconds) I laid there with the general feeling that the elves wanted me to go somewhere or do something. not sure what. The wall I was facing felt in my mind like it was hiding some sort of party or event behind it. By that point I was already becoming a little more clear-minded and then everything just became... pretty much normal. After three minutes or so. No idea what level that was. That was my weirdest trip with Salvia yet. It was shorter, but much weirder than my previous ones. edit: whoa, just smoked it twice more... first one was just like above, except i had my eyes closed while enormous people of sparkly clothes design built a bridge over me. it was odd. Brief. Not intense, really. Then, about ten minutes later I decided to smoke my biggest hit of the night, but still don't think I "crossed over". I blacked out after exhaling the hit. The next thing I recall is that I'm in sort of a daydream staring at my desk which is by my feet at the end of the bed. The whole room seems to be cascading up and down, round and round, like waves, but it's all for a purpose. We are letters on a strange "rolling" typewriter or something and we are in the middle of printing. My desk, that I'm staring at, gets jammed and it causes everything else to wreck. My desk was the letter D, I was E. After the crash, everything was quiet... TOO quiet. I sat there and waited but it didn't seem like anyone was going to do anything so I leaned forward to help and said, "D?". I reached out my hand and nothing changed. I stopped to figure out what was going on. What was happening? Is this life? "Is this my existence? To be the letter E on a typewriter?" I thought. "Is this the truth?" Somewhere, somehow, I was assured by some voice, vocal or mental, that yes, this is life and that I have to get used to it. Chaos happened that I can't quite remember and then I seem to recall the image of a large statue of a woman being cut into thin slices. Inside she was filled with little dots of red light.I don't know where it was... if it was just in my head or what. I'm really confused by this. It wasn't particularly scary or anything. Not even too intense. Just bizarre as hell and I didn't know what was going on. My room looked like my room. Things in it were interepreted by my brain as different things, but I didn't feel like I was in a whole different universe or anything (aside from cog-in-the-enormous-typewriter feeling). Did I break the threshold? Did I "break through" so to speak?
E stands for Eyore Winnie the Poo's friend. You were behaving like Eyore in the first sentence: Well my attempt just failed. when you take salvia, (and your session did work splendidly), you are briefly translated into a more layered state of mind - simmilar to dreamstate. I believe you were at a high level 4 (the best target with salvia), unless your body sense was also completely corrupted which makes it level 5. after that everything is how you play, i.e. attitude, which gets me back to winnie the poo, a very good point to begin examining character(s) and psychology without blame. play safe.
I just re-read the S-A-L-V-I-A rating scale. " 'V'... Complex three-dimensional realistic appearing scenes occur." Forgot about that. That means I most definitely hit the fourth tier last night. But, rereading that scale, that makes even my first two tries last night seem pretty successful, although certainly neither of them came anywhere near close to the sheer insanity of the typewriter trip. There was actually a moment in there, when I realized my fate of being part of a typewriter for all eternity, that felt profoundly sad and hopeless. Not angry or scared. It briefly (ever so briefly - like the mere flicker of a thought) reminded me of my life of 23 years and how i'd come all this way only to learn the "truth" that my life had meant nothing. It was probably more heartbreaking than anything I'd ever felt. As terrible as that sounds, I REALLY enjoyed the experience. I was thinking about it all day today at work and I can't wait to try my next round with Salvia again. I'm intimidated by it for sure. It's incredible how anything can make us experience something like this. And thanks for your analysis of my trip, redgreenvines. I'm grateful for the feedback. Interesting point about the Eyore thing
you ARE the letter E on a typewriter. you're all the letters. you're also a lampshade, a cloud, a suburban mailbox, and a tiny little spider in a puddle. that's infinity, man, and salvia will remind you how big it really is. everything is not only possible, it exists entirely and is true. it sounds like you had some good experiences .
