Let me fill you in on something, and then let me know what your reaction would be in my situation. Just to put it in perspective, we've been together for 2 years and lived together for 1 year. My g/f's ex messaged her about 2 weeks ago asking to catch up, he’s just moved just down the road. I assume it’s because he’s single again. She asked me, and I said it didn’t sit well with me and I don’t really want her to catch up with him. She cracked the sads, saying I didn’t trust her etc. On the weekend, we were talking and she said that it was a bad idea to catch up with him and that she understood why I was upset and that he is single again, and she thinks that’s what he’s after. Yesterday, she was at home all day, called me at work at about 11:00 and said “Jack’s on his way over to visit, I hope you don’t mind” I am really angry about it. I told her this is f*cked, and she called me and said he wasn't coming over anymore. For all I know he could have. Is it fair? How would you react?
You sound extremely insecure and controlling. Though I can understand your unease (anyone's unease) with their present partner catching up or chilling out with an ex, you're not helping the situation by getting irate and acting like an overly possessive boyfriend. The bottomline: Do you trust her? From all your actions and behaviour, it would suggest you clearly do not. Has she ever caused you to doubt her? Or has she ever broken your trust? IMO, as tricky as the situation is, YOU'RE the one who's a little f***ed if she has given you no reason to doubt her. She will always do exactly what makes you so angry because you may have no right to be angry in the first place. She had a life before you, just as you had a life and past before her. For goodness sake, grow a pair of hairies and let her make the right decision. If anything, if she wants to leave you for another man, ex or no, she'll do it with or WITHOUT your consent.
I'd be kinda pissed. She agreed not to see the guy, then tried going back on it while he was at work. To me it seems like a bit of a betrayal of his trust. Insecure, or not..At least she could've discussed it with him again while he was home. You should take into account that she told you first.. Giving her the benefit of the doubt. Honestly, I don't really blame you for feeling a bit slighted. Try telling her your feelings from every perspective you have. Communication is key. Best wishes. I hope it works out for the best.
It's not a matter of trust, it's the fact that she she said she wouldn't see him because she knows what he's after, then turns around 2 days later and does the exact opposite. Just the thought of her having her ex at our house while they're the only people there sends shivers up my spine, regardless of how much I trust her, its still a situation I'd rather avoid.
Yeah, it would bother me too.. Hey, why did this guy move in just down the road, anyways? Seems like a recipe for disaster...
I think (hope) it was just coincidence he moved down the road. I am at a stage where even if she does want to run off, I don't care, just don't tow me along while you do. If you want him, fuck off and stop wasting my time.
That's true. Maybe you should have a good talk with her. But these things take a little time and patience, don't they? God knows, good relationships take a lot of patience. Like I said, I understand your uneasiness but you jumping to conclusions is NOT helping. And the less confident you are of her, the more she will resent you. At your house is a little too much after knowing how you feel about it all. Tell her how you feel. You know, gently. That it really upsets you that he's at the house, period. What I'm trying to say is: You want an answer. You cannot get an honest answer from her if she is in turmoil and confused for a long time and constantly afraid of your anger. So chill out. And let this one ride out its course. Explain what upsets you and do not be unreasonable about who she wants to meet. ______________ I'll share something.. The man I'm currently "with" was married and divorced. He also still sees an old childhood sweetheart and they keep in touch. She lives slightly out of town so it's not regular but my gut still wrenches when he brings her up. I just have to trust that they are friends as he says and nothing more. I understand very well what you're going through. But it isn't going to stop him from enjoying his freedom, and I would never want that. And I haven't even started about his child and his ex-wife. He's very considerate and responsible. But this is just life, and you get through it together. If what you feel is strong enough, things will pull through. If it isn't, you will know what to do also. If she's reassuring you about how much she loves you, accept it. Don't try to read too much into things. And if things are for the worse, then you will cross one bridge at a time.
two years together and one year living together you should trust her. just cuz an ex came over doesn't mean that she's cheating, ex's can be friends.
you know what I think it is. In most cases of dealing with your partners ex, its not so much that you worry something is going to happen between them, its that you worry that your partners heart isnt with you, but with them. The ex is someone you can never be and they wear shoes you can never hope to fill. But you know what hurts the most. It's that your partner can be so freaking inconsiderate of how you feel. Thats what cuts... Leaves you gobsmacked. .and thats one of the hardest things to try and change in your relationship.
HELL YA! Retro is now SUPER HOT! I mean this guy is an X why? and why would she want an X in your twos home without you there? Its not trust man about her as much is we guys can be dicks and manipulate too, this dude is a serious issue and he should have been man enough to come to you first or made sure his visits were with the both of you out of respect. I mean how would this guy feel if they were an x and you came over while he was at work talking with his girlfriend. He may trust her but he dont know you for dick! Same goes here, you dont know him, you dont know why he is there for sure so its not about the trust you have for your love but rather the distrust you have toward a stranger.
