OK, so. No editing yet. And no title (EDITTED -- SEE BELOW). If I wasn't clear enough in the poem itself, it's about govt. So. Any suggestions for a title, or any constructive criticism would be much appreciated! Thanks! Take my hand to care for me Lock me up and call me free Say I'm whole and give me parts Put plastic tags in place of hearts Replace my mind with nods and smiles Give me inches, call them miles And all the while, you're so beguiling Hide your fangs but keep on smiling Look at my nose and pretend it's my eyes Hand me your sugar to swallow these lies And I'll thank you for all that you've taken away Become placid and mild with nothing to say You'd like that, you snake! You theif in disguise! That the heart from my chest, the hope from my eyes But I'll not lay down like a dog at your feet I'll not just give in and accept this defeat I call out your lies and demand now what's true You're not fit to lead, I'm better than you! Give back my dignity, give back my brains And in return for what's mine, I'll give you these chains AH HA! And I so thus title this piece... A Gift of Chains... Tanks for the idea, Trippin! hehe
Another great poem, lady dreamcatcher. I must say you have an real way with your rhymes...which is great because I love rhyme-poetry when it's done well. In fact, I'm sorry that you've only just joined the forums with your excellent poetry, since I'm going to be away for a few months (see my other thread for why, if you care); I have a feeling I'm going to miss some great poems.
tanks for the idea, Trippin. i'm going to modify it a bit and call it... A Gift of Chains... what say you?
