Hey guys, I hate to ask you guys but I need a pick me up. A joke, a story, just some advice whatever. Today is not the best day, and I am usually and optomist *think that's how you spell it*. I just can't find anything to be happy about today. Thanks, Al
A vicar, a rabbi, a priest, an Englishman, a Scottishman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this a joke?"
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
Just stay positive man, and life will bring you back in. Just keep the faith. Nothing bad lasts forever. I'm not sure if your just having a crummy day or if there is some sort of problem going on but remember: "The only time man got himself into serious trouble, was when he did nothing about something." Oh and enjoy the jokes everyone has posted...they're frickin hilarious. lol!
One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'
Thanks guys, sorry I haven't responded for a long time. I really do appricate your help...some of them did make me laugh, and I am feeling a lot better. Thanks for your help and kind words. Peace, Al
