problem with boyfriend - why is he so down and what can I do to help?

Hi there everyone.

Basically my boyfriend is feeling depressed about uni and his studies. He thinks he's at a deadend career with film making/writing. He feels so down, and I don't know how to help him. I've suggested TAFE (registered training organisation like university) where I go to do a course, but he doesn't want to be in tertiary studies for the rest of his life. I'm just finishing an administration course and going onto library studies next year (four year course - so I won't finish until I'm 25). My boyfriend is 24. I can't stand seeing him down like this.

What should I say to him or do for him that would help?

I've suggested a career counselor, but he wants to work this out without professional help. I've told him that I will be in tertiary studies for approximately 5 years. He doesn;t know what he wants to do as a job, what he's enjoy or whether he;d be able to make any money from this current Bachelor of Arts degree he's studying. he has one year left once this year is over.

he also feels that he doesn;'t go out and see bands like he used to with his old mates. They don't want to go out as much anymore, so he goes out with my friends to clubs (he doesn;t like them much, but he puts up with it for me). I've suggested we go out and see bands when we have the cash. But he still thinks there's not many bands around that he likes.

Money is also another problem. He;s thinking about getting a job, but he doesn't think anyone is goin to hire an arts student with no work experience.

I've encouraged him to talk about his problems. I don't know how I should help or whether I should let him work them out for himself, because its been going on for a while. I'd really like to see him happy. A whinge every now and then is good, which I have encouraged him to do, because it will help him work out the problem, but if there's anything I could do to ease the situation and make his falls and trips not have so much of an impact would be wonderful.

I don;t know if I'm being too selfish. Its hard to tell because I am so busy with my own life. I can be bossy sometimes, but that's just me. I don't mean it to be bitchy. I just like getting things done. I feel kind of bad about that. He says I haven't been selfish, but I'm not sure if he's trying to make me happy by saying that.

I have a tendency to let my emotions out when they happen. I'm not a loud mouth, just very emotional at times. And I take things he says sometimes personally because I would like to know if I'm doing something that makes him upset so that I don't do it.

Someone said that instead of focussing on making someone happy, rather just listen to them. But I don;t know. I'd like to see him happy about his studies and his future. How can I be helpful?

We've been together for about a year, and its been really good so far, but I think we've just met a challenge.

Any suggestions would be very much appreciated, and i would eternally bless everyone with my magic fairy wand and give them lovely dreams. xxxx

 

I suggest a huge change. Tell him to sell everything he has and invest in a Drug dealing career

 

I agree.

I recommend him to start selling some Mary-Jane and then move up to some more items such as cocaine, etc.

You know the drill.

Oh, and don't forget to set up a shop somewhere that the public can't gain access to easily.

You don't want many cops around (unless you can find some that would invest in some druggiezzz).

 

Hmm... guys, I don't think drugs are the answer. There's a big risk in getting caught and sent to jail (not good), and they also make you more depressed in the long term. I was hoping for something more insightful.

 

Hey girl.. don't have anything usefull to say at the moment except for: don't listen to the losers who posted above you.. that's kinda disrespectful to give an answer like that when you're having a real problem. I see you're kinda new here so.. welcome to the forums

 

Hello, I just graduated from the university and I can safely say that the final year is very stressful and filled with insecurity! It seems that your friend is not facing his situation realistically. He can be depressed as long as he likes but nothing is going to change that way. Tell him to get his degree and then consider all these things.

As for you it seems to me that you are there for him and support him, offering him someone to break out to. Don't feel responsible! You are helping him so much and he makes you feel guilty.

I have met a lot of guys in the university who feel awful about their studies and prolong them for years... My philosophy is face your problems, don't just talk about them. Take action!

 

Peace,


mabe. a historian if he likes history. just that about what he like ( hobbies, etc ) and find a carrer that fits that.

later

the tires flower child

 

you need to sell drugs by street soldiers, you roudn yourself a group, you purchase large quanities, sell to your street soldiers (10-20) and they do the distributing.....

 

Just tell him that it will work out. One year and he's done with his studying and no longer is tied to the area where you live. You can always find a job. Even if its not exactly what he wants to do, he can at least have something to tide him over.

I remember a down time as my college was ending and everyone was moving away. I felt like we had created a great society filled with excitement, and that period was coming to an end, and it was. Its just part of life, going from one phase to the next, and it may feel like a funeral as the old one passes.

 

Thanks for all your help guys. Appreciate it a lot! Cheers. xoxoxo

 

Haha! I've noticed that sex is great for relieving tension! Works a charm!

We've kind of got through the him worrying about his career stage now. he had to work through it on his own, and I could just be there to say "Well, thats what life is like...". He's doing honours now at Uni, and he was freaking out about that. I just had to say to him that he was really smart and worrying would not help him. He just had to go with the flow.

I'm getting out of the habit of worrying about him. I just tell him that things will work out and he can only do what he can do... If he can't do any more than that, then everything else is other people's responsibility.

With the thing you said about being all pushy is right. I just had to let go and let him work it out and realise that I can only give him options, but i can;t make the decision for him. He has to do that. Is this a maturing thing? I'm still young. Only 22.

Sometimes getting away from your problems and forgetting them for a while is the best thing. When you're surrounded by uni or school all of the time, it can consume your life.

What do other people think? Am I right?

xxxx