Ok, so i've been having these dreams lately that are pretty much nightmares. In the dreams I could be doing a number of things, trying to sleep, partying or fucking in these dreams, then somewhere during it i have this incredibly painful seizure. More like being electrocuted than anything (i was electrocuted once). My entire body tenses up, and my face feels tight and contorted. My hands curl and i cant breathe, then my vision tunnels and i usually hit the floor trying to scream for help. After i hit the ground i wake up usually shaking. Out of the three times this has happened, i noticed i was sleeping in the same position, on my back with my head kind of tilted to the left, my arms crossed on my chest and my legs crossed. these dreams usually happen when i decide to take a break from smoking pot (like a month or more). I have a few theories about them. One is that im just too angry about everything, im too tense, and my dreams are telling me to relax. Actually, one dream i forgot about in which this happened, right before i tensed up and hit the ground, i was on the verge of "realizing" something very profound. I felt like my mind didn't want me to know it, and so it shorted itself out. Sometimes during waking consciousness i feel like im on the verge of a breakthrough, a "realization", but a lot of times im too afraid to proceed for fear of losing my ego (more specifically my mind, which is tied in with the ego). I know that's not necessarily a bad thing, in fact in some cases i try for that ego loss, but at the same time myself doesnt want to lose, well, myself. if that makes sense. any other thoughts?
well your true self is your awairness which isn't quite the same as your mind so that part of it is something people make to worry about which isn't quite. there are lots of not so good things about sleeping on your back, mucus return to the throat, possibility of something falling in a snoring mouth and choking you and so on, so i'd deffinately feel safer lying on my side, but then of course not everyone feels more and less safe in same ways and reasons as myself, but anyway there's that. that feeling like being tazered or something in your dreams, well it is certainly possible that you could actualy be having some kind of seazures. or biting down on your teeth and pinching a dental nerver maybe? my first real tooth rotting out dental emergency felt like i was being electrocuted. and then clearity of thought being inhibbited. well i usualy get that from human society and at uncannily 'coincidental' moments. another reason i really wish i was living by myself. i mean completely. sounds like some kind of dependence issue too. i don't know if i'm saying anything more useful then obvious. probably not. =^^= .../\...
