I'm a virgin. I feel like I'm the only one on the planet. I'm not waiting to get married (although that was an excuse once used) or anything like that. It's kind of like that movie 40 year old virgin. I never did it as teen because most of the girls I dated didn't have sex at the time, or a least not with me. Also a lot of time I just felt like I'd be using them and I never wanted to do that/feel that way. There are so many duchebag guy stories I hear all the time, I never wanted to be one of them. Eventually 16 turned in to 24, and it really sucks now. I've done just about everything else with a woman except for having sex. I'm not unattractive, but I'm not a Gq poster boy either. I'd say I'm a normal looking guy. My issue(s)- I've been b'sing about my sexual history with literally everyone I know. Initially, it started out with the guys, locker room talk etc. Eventually via other guys stories and a little creativity I made up my own bs sexual history. I know that's stupid and fairly pathetic, but I felt ashamed/lame and it made me feel bad about myself. I guess I took the easy way out. I met this girl two days ago- Funny, amazingly attractive, witty, sarcastic, the whole nine yards. I ran into her at a bar and had a two minute conversation that led to meeting her where she worked (steak joint across the street from the bar we met at) and hanging out last night. I've been so used to bs'ing about my sexual history that I did it with her too. My pseduo sexual history is pretty ridiculous, or at least for a dorky guy like me. I always thought that *someone* was going to put two and two together and call me out, but it's never happened. Anyway, this girl wanted me to go home with her. I played it off cool and said not yet, but it seems like she really digs me. I of course wanted to go, but fully knowing that my bs sexual prowess would be unveiled making her know that I was full of it. I even considered briefly about doing it anyway and after the short amount of time it would take me (I heard the first time is horridly quick) to finish I could play the drunk card. I've heard guys use that before. I ended up realizing that this ridiculousness has to end. Beyond that I like this girl. Guys like me don't end up with girls like her. Guys like me dream about girls like her. We discussed today me coming to see her at work and I thought about telling her the whole deal. This would be a big deal but also leave me in a very vulnerable situation. The bar we met at is owned by the people that own the steak joint she works at too. All the same people mingle at this bar, and I live literally down the street. A lot of people know me by face or by family association. This could be nightmare scenario for me, but I'm contemplating it anyway. No one should be lied to and this girl is a really cool person. She doesn't deserve it at all. I'm just terrified about going on a limb, purging my soul and her not caring or being considerate of that. I guess I'm just terrified of what that would mean. I have no expectation that even if I did this she would want to date/be with me, but I thought maybe if I was lucky I'd have a shot at being her friend. I'd imagine that this is amazingly stupid and pathetic to all of you, but it's my life. I didn't really want to lie to this girl, I've been doing it for so long now that it's habit. Like I said before, I'm a nice semi-normal dorky guy with a little low self esteem and terrified of approaching/talking to women. Please try to be a little considerate of the fact that I'm making an attempt right now by even just asking for advice on here. No one knew except me until now. Please advise.
you're putting her on a pedestal, and that's not fair to her. Be careful not to create standards/expectations that she cannot achieve That said, when you get some alone time with her just be honest. Just laugh it off, say you wanted to get your creative juices running. Turn it into a joke, some silliness, not something serious. If she still wants to be with you after finding out you're a virgin, she's worth your time. Otherwise, she probably isn't
Im sure if you just tell her that you lied cause you where trying to impress her, and your still a virgin, shed jump at the chance. Good luck!
There isnt' anything wrong with being a virgin. Why does everyone think it's so terrible? I wish I was a virgin...sometimes.
Just be honest with her, and the idea of laughing it off is also good, but either way, just be honest. good luck.
oh my lord, i've just read half a dozen replies that all agree with each other and make sense, let's declare a national holiday lol Gevalia, first off congrats for being blunt and honest about this - even though this is a forum full of people you don't know, it's a pretty couragous declaration - some a-hole is bound to call you a pussy anyway, but don't let that get you down. I'm with the rest of the gang, man, even insane jester is making sense (just messin, jester) - you gotta come clean with her, cause she'll figure it out, even if it's just because you're so nervous, and you're right, a lotta guys don't last long first time, hell I shot my load the second i gained access first time lol. ihmurria is right, if she laughs at you she's a bitch and not worth the time, but she sounds ok, and if she does dig you she'll probably love the opportunity to deflower you. That being said, even if it does work out i don't like the chances of your secret staying secret for long. If she keeps a secret as well as most of the chicks i know keep a secret, every other female at her work will know by the next day. But don't let that worry you, at least you'll be getting some, and the other gals will also know you're an honest guy, too, and if you've got a big dick, they'll know that, too lol. Go for it buddy, and if it looks like you're gonna be dumpedfor being honest, leave her place and go straight to the bar, buy a beer and let everybody know that you're bummed out that the chick you've just met gave you a STD so you dumped her, that way when she tells everybody you're a virgin it'll jsut look like she's makin shit up to get back at you Good luck, man, keep us posted
aww bless you jivalia you sound like a real sweety. like the others say just laugh it off if you say your a vurginand turn it in to a joke. The last thing you want is her making a prick out of you and making you feel bad. it's nothing to be ashamed of at all. sometimes i wish i had kept my virginity for as long as i could. It would have been nice if my husband had taken mine and not some stupid guy at a party one night when i was drunk as i cant remember it very well. i really regret that you know :-( but i have just put it down to experience. If you really want to do it with this girl and your scaired of coming too early. What you could do is, fjurk your self off earlyer in the day so you wont come too early when your in there. I have herd that this method works but i don't know if this is true as i am a girly. Try it out and see how it goes. Let me know how you get on and good luck. Have fun :-d.
Lastly, if you get the point where you two are going to engage in sex, do not freeze up, women love it when a man knows what he wants. Tell her what you want to do to her when you feel like it is obvious that you are both into the moment, (whisper your thoughts into her ear). Tell her you are going to make sure she is taken care of, and use all the skills you have learned up until now ensure there is lots of foreplay, and make sure she gets hers before you two go at it.. It will most probably be quick, but she will remember forever that you ensured she was pleased before your own needs... Good luck man!
Sorry, darl, nice advice but it don't make a smarties difference playin with the mistress palm and her 5 daughters earlier,as that is a comfort zone play, and the real deal is most surely not a comfort zone play, hence the nervousness and the jumping of the gun, so to say - nice try, though, and i think the spirit that your advice was given in was lovely.
ok i know your not "proud" of your virginity, but really, whatever. if yu want to sleep with her then do it, if you dont, then dont. and she probably wont care if your a virgen. why are you makign this a big deal? she might not even notice unless you tell her! stop freaking out!
I appreciate the simplicity of your advice and it does resonate. With that being said keep in mind the hard things we go through in life are just that. Hard! Sometimes things that may seem particularly trivial to one may be someone else's biggest obstacle. Diet, I'm 24. It's not about pride or lack thereof regarding my virginity, it's that for a very long time nobody knew and it just built it up that much more. It was big deal to post in the first place for me. Which leads me to Update: I actually told my brother, who's 10 years older than I am. I took the time to explain the entire situation to him. He told me the same thing you guys have. Just tell her. With that, I called her that night and made plans to hang out. Since that day we've gone through a string nonsense. She'll call me, say she wants to get together. We make plans, I get ready, she doesn't call back. This has happened a few times. Thursday night was one of those. She called me during the day, we made plans to get together after I got off work. I called her about 30 minutes after I got off work and left a voice mail. No call back. Needless to say I was infuriated. I wouldn't have had any problem with something coming up, needing to do something else, or just not wanting hang. I just wanted some kind of communication to make me aware of what the deal was. So I picked up an excellent mix n match six pack,a cigar and chilled on my porch (BEER DRINKERS- Buffalo Bill's Brewery- Orange Blossom Cream Ale. WOW!!! Also-- Mount Desert Island Ginger Beer). After that night I did not plan to call her anymore. Again I left it open in my mind that something may have come up and if she called me I'd talk to her about it. She called me on Saturday (which was her birthday) and we talked about the World Cup (How about USA. That ref was crazy for the red cards on Pope and Mastroeni) and what her plans were. When I asked her about Thursday she said that she decided she wanted to chill at home. I didn't really dig the response, but I decided I'd get over it. She wanted me to hang out with her at that moment (she was going to work in a few hours) to watch the game. I was with my best friend and explained to her I told him we were going to hang out and watch the game. I told her as soon as we were done hanging I'd be totally down to do something. I told her to call me once she got off of work. So my best friend and I did karaoke for a couple of hours, and she called and I didn't see. I called back 45 mins after she did, told her we were done and that I'd still like to do something if she was down. She said she was. I told her I wanted to go home and shower and she could meet me at my apartment and we could go out from there. She agreed. I went home, got ready. An hour and half passes so I call. Voice mail. So I left a voice mail asking her what her deal was. No return call back yet. At this point, I guess I'm happy things turned out the way they did. I got to find out that she's not the type of woman I wanted and without telling her something as personal about myself as being a virgin. Thanks for all the of really great advice. Seriously much appreciated.
