i don't really know who i am sometimes i think that i act like myself and i am me, but other times i think, is this really me? sometimes its easy to hide, from myself, but at other times i can't seem to lock away thoughts... sometimes i think i'm happy, but i don't really know if i truely am happy... i hate people judging me, and having people jump to conclusions about who i am...i don't even know who i am, how can a stranger? i'm bi-polar so sometimes i get down... i had a sheltered life, and the walls are crumbling, and it's reality sinking in i thought it was over? i thought i had finally seen how horrible the world can be, and i had moved on and was happy, or was i? i thought you should know so you could see, that i'm not pretty or anything... or maybe you'll just ignore this, like alot of people do... and maybe tomorrow, or even five minutes from now, i'll be happy again
I really doubt you are actually bi-polar... however, I get in moods sometimes too and I know it sucks I also hate people judging me, and I really get paranoid about that kinda crap everyone has had a sheltered life to some extent basically, I thinkt he best way to deal with this shit, is never stop telling yourself how silly it is, and never stop tellign yourself that you can put an end to it, as you do kinda have control of yourself, and remember, shit can get better, and as long as you work a little for it, usually it will
Im the same way...! I feel everytime I do something I say is this really me? And as far as judging goes... I HATE THAT !!!!!!!!!!! Lordy, its like everyday is a constant battle of what I am Vs. everyone else. I don't know who I am ... I don;t think anyone knows who they truely are. I think we only know what we are....I mean Im still young and so are you we have time to find out who we are!
yeah i was on meds for a bit, bi-polar runs in my family... maybe i'm not and it's all just angst my problem is shit does get better, gets my hopes up there and then it goes to hell all over again...
of course there is going to be good times and bad times I think you are using the wrong perspective you are expecting the good and being disapointted I'm more pessimistic in nature, which is good cause if I'm worng, I really don't care, and who doesn't enjoy being right? just remember bad is just a part of life, when the good rolls around, it's a privellige, not all people are so lucky
the things is my expectations are low they just get raised alittle and then bam down lower... i went through depression/suicidal shit when i was only a yr or more younger than i am now my little brother is going through the same thing i have become jaded and cynical... and i know, believe me i know how shitty things are for people and i'm extremely privileged, and that just makes me feel worse ... i see my friends go down depression, addiction, kids my age on the streets everyday as i walk to school, people in other countries starving, people in this country starving...
yeah, i know, sad songs... hendrix'll make it all better i'm not really sad per-say, more numb than anything...
You're gonna, if you don't already, have problems with your shoulders if you insist on carrying the World's problems. You can guess...
I just came across this post and thought I would add a bit. I went through depression and thought about suicide alot. I have been on medication on and off and finally have stayed on it for awhile. I don't think the medication can work by itself. I think you have to want to make a difference in your life also. When you find who you are and it has taken me 39 years to figure this out, you will find a true sense of being. It won't matter what people think or say about you because then it won't matter. If you know who you are and what you are like then what people say are only words. The words will have no meaning and you won't care. It takes awhile for some people to understand why they are here and for what purpose. My husband tells me to wake up in the morning and tell yourself it is going to be a good day. Take the time to make yourself happy. It doesn't have to be doing something all the time....maybe just sitting in the sun or reading a book or watching a favorite movie. Do something that you enjoy and at the end of the day ask yourself if you are happy. If so, keep doing what you did that day...if not, start again the next and keep trying. It will come easier and you will see that you can be happy.
I am Bi-Polar and all I can say is try to keep your head filled with positive thoughts. Think about the people who love you. Think about things you like to do. And most importantly, remember that all down episodes are just that and they will pass. It's just a matter of time. And you can speed up the process by being constantly occupied. The more time you spend doing things, the less time you have to get depressed. And keep your head up...it's the only way we can see your eyes
