An englishman was married to a french women. When she died, she had specified in her will that she be buried with the rest of her family in France. Thus her husband, who had never left the English-speaking world before, found it necessary to travel to France for the burial service. When he unpacked at his hotel room, he realized he had forgotten to bring a hat, so he went into town to purchase one. When he went into the store, he found he couldn't remember the french word for "hat" - only that it began with a "c" and was something like cap..., cap-oh..., capote!, yeah, that sounds right... (Capote is NOT the french word for hat, but actually denotes a cap for another part of the anatomy...) Anyway, the clerk, in hushed and embarrased tones, refered him to 'Le Drugstore' across the street, which did not seem the kind of place to buy a hat, but you never know with the french. So he went to 'Le Drugstore', walked up to the counter, and summoning his best memories of high-school french, said: "Je voudrais un capote noir" "Un capote... NOIR?" asked the clerk. "Oui, ma femme s'est morte" "Les anglais... quelle finesse!" Please forgive me if I haven't reproduced the french spelling and grammer correctly - I haven't spoken french since high school either!
A quebecois farmer was trying to make an impression, telling everybody who would listen about his pig who could add. When he finally got a group together to come to his farm for a demonstration, he asked the pig: "how much is five plus four?" The pig, ignoring them, continued rooting through the mud, sniffing and grunting "neuf, neuf, neuf..." "See, this pig, she is french" said the farmer, "neuf is french for nine, she got it right, five plus four is nine!" In a similar manner, the pig answered one plus eight, three plus six, and even a multiplication problem: three times three - all the while rooting through the mud and grunting "neuf, neuf, neuf..." When he could see that his audience was not impressed and was preparing to leave, he said to the pig: OK, here is a hard one; how much is five plus three?" - and just before the pig could grunt its next "neuf" he grabbed its tail and pulled, causing it to squeal "HUIT!, HUIT!, HUIT!"
