I don't know what to do

sooo... right now im 17 and the other day i hit it off really well with this guy that my friend works with. anyhow, after we had been talking for a couple hours i found out that he is 23...the problem is, he wants to go on a date and i'm not sure we should. We really hit it off and he seems like a perfect match for me, but with the age difference, we could get in trouble...

any ideas and/or advice?

thanks

 

go out just dont have sex

 

I agree with Raving Sultan. Go out but don't have sex.

 

17 and 23 isn't so different or big a gap
just go on the first date and see how it works out from there
at least hgive him a chance, see if he's worth the effort

 

When I was 17 I dated a man who was in his mid twenties. He had some major issues that I didn't or wouldn't see in him at the time. If you were my little sister or a close friend of mine, I'd urge you to not see this man. No, it's not that big an age gap, but there's something inherently flawed in grown men who date teenaged girls. When he gets tired of you, or when you start getting older, he'll go find another underaged girl instead. It's not about the age difference, it's about what is up with him wanting to date a girl after he knows how young she is. If he still wants to go out with you when you're 19, go for it.

 

does he know that you are 17?

 

I'd say get to know him better by casually dating him. Maybe he is worth your time and effort and will stick around for years to come. Or maybe not. You would never know unless you got to know him better. Essentially, certain age-gap-related problems BETWEEN a couple can be rather successfully overcome with the right attitude. Many people very often see adult/minor relationships as a big problem only because society views them as disgraceful, even though they CAN be just as beautiful as any other beautiful relationships we hear about.

All the best!

 

Maybe is ur perfect match who knows! 17 23 is not a very huge differnce so... I have dated guys wich were too much older or much younger than me and there is no problem. U can go out and see how he is, u could be only friends too

 

Why not just hang out as friends at first? That will give you time to learn about him without anything serious.

 

I say I have read some advice that was honest and some perhaps from sour grapes so here is my worthless input.


As a guy and one who had the offer to date a younger person here it goes:

I think that if you are interested and 17 then dating in your comfort zone and that comfort zone not being pressured you should enjoy it. If he is interested in you as the person than sex should not be needed or pressured for so he can wait. Have a good time, go out, talk, walk, play, and so on but kinda leave the sex out. Being 17 you are legal to play in most states that I know of but again that is not the reason a guy should be with you. Let him respect and love the person before he gains the honor of anything more.

I elected not to go into that relationship becuase there was an age difference that was pretty great and it seemed odd to me. I was not pressured and was my idea not to do it.

SO do as you please as with any relationship use caution when offering your heart.

 

yes he knows how old I am.

And i have been getting to know him well as a friend.
I have actually known him since december but i had never really talked to him for longer than 5 or 10 minutes until the other day.

anyways, we are going to go out and do something this week. and hopefully i'll get to know him even better.

i appreciate all the responses and advice from those of you with experience

 

I agree with mamaboogie - any man that is 23 and interested in a 17 year old might not have the best intentions. I'm 23, and when I see a 17 year old boy, they look very young, like a child to me. That's a fairly normal reaction. If I didn't feel that way, that would be odd. I'd say stay away!

 

Let me tell you- I was 16 dating a 21 year old. Best relationship of my life. Honestly. And the age was kind of irrelavent to us. It never bothered either one of us. I fell deeply in love. We got along as people, and sex had nothing at all to do with it.

We've been broken up one month because both of our parents forbid the relationship. I got to know him inside and out.

What I'm saying is that age is just a number (as long as your not dating a 30 year old or something, its fine.) Age is only what you make it.

The only problem we ever had were peoples opinions. Thats what tore us apart. His friends disagreed with the age difference, both our families, and anyone else who had the oppertunity.

Good luck with everything hun!

 

Fire sign to fire sign. You are an ageist which isn't necessarily a bad thing just your thing. Don't go out with him because you aren’t into guys that old yet. You are a Leo so you have sense. You know it's not for you.

I'm an ageist. I like younger guys and older guys but I have a cut off age and if it's not the age I like I'll make excuses but I wouldn't be happy. You need to be happy so don't do it. Let him find someone else.

 

But then he just might. You shouldn't judge people like that just because they are "adults" and interested in "minors". What is it with you ageist people, y'all think we'll just rape minors or something?? We could do NOTHING BUT LOVE someone, NOTHING BUT BE RESPECTFUL toward them, and if they weren't "legal", you'd just put us into the category that would NOT AT ALL describe us. And everyone keeps saying how great love is. How hypocritical.

 

if age is just a number then what does it matter if a 17 year old dates a 30 year old??? if they are madly in love what makes it any different than a 17 to 23 relationship?

 

I can agree to an extent.. but I do not think age is just a number. And the chances that older partners can be overwhelming or overbearing (because they've been around longer, likely have formed firm opinions about many more topics than their younger counterparts) are not slim.

Undoubtedly there are goodhearted people who are able to rein in their maturity and allow a younger partner to grow, and it's true also that some people just do really well with demonstrative, older signif. others. But this is not always the case and unfortunately, I have seen and been through both sides - being the overbearing one with a younger guy, and then becoming completely overwhelmed by an older one who ended up being a complete fuckbag (incapable of communication, prone to tantrums and seriously needed anger management).

After that episode, I started seeing someone two times older than the previous man before. It just happened that way, and he was a very kind person. Almost so kind that it was stifling.

When I dated the younger guy, it was plain shit in a pan. He couldn't or wouldn't speak about his problems properly and convey to me what was bothering him. I was constantly made into the BAD person, when it takes two. I'm sure that up to this day, he's still convinced I'm a horrible person.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it's very often that older partners can have an adverse effect on younger individuals - mostly due to differing life experiences and the level of development emotionally and mentally.

No. Age is not just a number but is can be a very good indication of how far a person has come. Things take time. And I'm not sure why people are so afraid of letting time do it's thing. Stop wanting to grow up so fast.

 

i agree with her... but does he know how old you are?

 

.....

 

haha... yeah i read that after i posted it...