Dealbreakers

i love this topic. its good to have dealbreakers i think.

dealbreakers for me are disrespect. if i get a funny feeling like hes cheating or is taking me for granted, then im out.

 

People who hate/have issues with/think is disgusting towards gay people... can not deal with that.

 

I've been thinking the past week about making a significant effort to limit my contact with acquaintances who are homophobic (anyone who feels this way could never be a true friend). I have several people in my life with whom I have an uneasy truce where we know we won't change each others' minds and just agree to disagree.

But I think the issue speaks to a great degree about one's character. If you are closed minded on this issue, you are probably closed minded on many others. If you can dismiss an entire group of people who happen to believe in something that harms none, you aren't a very kind and loving person.

I have friends that are gay and friends that are straight. I have friends of different religions and races...all of us are children of this universe and deserve love and the opportunity to earn respect.

Racism and homophobia would also be deal breakers for me.

 

Cheating. And, by cheating I mean ANYTHING but looking.

 

I think cheating is anything they do with someone that means their heart is not with you... think nyou can cheat without touching another person

 

i think my deal breaker would be dishonesty, i don't really care what they do as long as they're honest about it up front...
being open is a huge thing with me
and physical abuse, that goes beyond foreplay...

 

when it becomes obvious that you are meaningless to them and they just dont want you around anymore.

actually, really its when they keep condoms for someone that isnt you.

 

So true. Although, I'd say that's more of a heartbreaker than a dealbreaker. That's just me, though...

 

I pretty much stick around for all kinds of bullshit. It's only after we're broken up that I begin to see all those things that turn me completely off about them.

I'm still friends with my ex (God knows why) & I hung out with her last weekend. I just look at her & cringe & think what the hell I ever saw in her. Everything she did was just gross & such a turn off.

~Just throws her still lit cigarette butt out the window even though she has an ashtray in her car.
~Horrible,disrespectful driver.
~Talks about how she can eat a lot but won't gain weight even though she's 30lbs. fatter than when we were together.
~"My way or the highway,if you don't like it then fuck you" attitude.


*Vomits*

 

Ah. Maybe you consider hanging out with her still for old time's sake? I don't quite find myself wanting to hang out with exs either even though we're on amiable terms (a couple).

Mostly because there's a pretty good reason why we're not together and have cut off contact for a certain time in the first place - great disagreements about core values/beliefs/morals/leaving the toilet seat down etc.

However I've found myself chatting with exes before.. and it's not necessarily that I wanted to hang out with them even though we did. It's more of a reminder of how far I've come since.. that. Know what I mean? It's not always that way though. But it reaffirms everything and I know I/him/we made the absolute right decision X years ago. It's funny also because I don't need an affirmation - it's also interesting how people grow, how far we've grown apart (or not when it comes to certain things). I can honestly say I've never regretted any break up, no matter how painful it was. It was definitely for the better, all of them. Maybe they were doing the exact same thing too when we happened to chill out together after the break.

 

There are VERY few things that would make me leave my husband. Being abusive in any way, shape, or form towards me or the kids would do it. Okay, so there's one thing that would make me leave my husband. Anything else I beleive we could deal with and work through. There are some other things, that I can't possibly imagine him doing, like if I caught him looking at kiddie porn I'd kick his ass out of here faster than he could blink, but that probably also falls under the category of what constitutes "abuse"


But I'm talking about my husband, the man of my dreams, not a boyfriend. My first husband was abusive, in many ways, and I didn't leave him because of the abuse. I didn't leave him because he was a worthless drunk who wouldn't keep a job. I left him because of the lies. He was constantly lieing to me, about all sorts of things, even stuff that didn't matter one way or another. But again, I'm sure that somehow is part of the emotional and psychological abuse I suffered at his hands.

In the way back, I broke up with boyfriends for all sorts of things. being a bad kisser, not giving me enough foreplay, body odor, bad habits, drugs, alcohol, but I think disrespect towards me was always the main reason. Even those who were abusive towards me, it wasn't the abuse that broke us up, it was always something else (and then suddenly I came to my senses after my father, on his deathbed, apologized for the violence in my life when I was a very young child).

 

so far...nothing...and i've dealt with some things on your list...love conquers all, people make mistakes

 

Hey Hanna,
Egh,I don't even consider "for old time's sake" when I hang out with her. We ended really badly & it's wonder why or how we are even friends. Anyhow,that's not the point. I guess it's just fun hanging out with her friends when she has a get together. What's funny is that we were actually recounting our shitty relationship to her friends! We all had a good laugh about how bad it was. Funny how we can do that now when back then (five years ago) it was a horrible place to be in.

There was another thread around here that asked if any of us fantasize about past exes. I answered yes. I think about pretty much all of them but this particular ex,I had a recent dream about because we had a pretty wild sex life & it was an amazing dream. Then I see her & I'm just thinking "yuck!" Back then she kept her body in check but now not only is she physically unattractive to me but also because just the way she is. I wish I could've seen that for myself back then. It would saved me a lot of time & heartache,lol.

 

Drug use, heavy drinking, affairs, being physically violent (towards me or others), harming animals, breaking my dreams

 

bullshit. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work. It takes effort on behalf of both partners. If either partner isn't willing to give 100%, the relationship is doomed to failure.

 

Originally Posted by mamaboogie
bullshit.
Love isn't enough to make a relationship work.
It takes effort on behalf of both partners.
If either partner isn't willing to give 100%,
the relationship is doomed to failure.

Vehement agreement.

 

I understand. If I'd not traveled down certain roads, I would not be as firm in my decisions now.

I will also third Mamaboogie's statement. However, perhaps the other poster was meaning "love" as inclusive of the amount of work, time and gruelling effort.

 

Indiscriminate wastage of food, paper, and a plethora of other materials. Spoiled, arrogant, misogynistic mofos.

 

Girls that complain about every little thing, compulsive liars (even worse when they think it's for the better), can't make every decision for themselves, or have friends like that (because you mostly make friends with people that are like you).

 

Working too much is a big blah! I hate that shit. Spend more time enjoying life! You only have a little life to work with so enjoy it while yah got some of it.